got a crazy fucking story for you guys, been living it up since we last spoke

im dating 24 year old christian grey

so: i realized it makes me feel like shit when i just go meet up guys i dont know and fuck them whether i feel like it or not. i also hate cheap men and i think trad dating culture should exist in sweden (most guys have never been on An Actual Date). i decided to establish rules

rule no. 1 is i dont go to anyones place on the first date and the first date has to be A Real One, meaning there needs to be wine AND food. no date if theres not food involved and im not paying for anything because every man in stockholm has more money than me and im a catch

my second rule is no sex on the first date. my life has improved exponentially since i started enforcing this, my self preservation thrives, and culling idiots has never been easier

i started talking to this 24 y o hottie on tinder. immediately i could tell he was well off. immediately (after establishing my rules) i asked if he could spit in my mouth. he was like "im taking you to dinner first"

we talk for a few days and start to get worked up. he books a table at this nice restaurant and before that we meet up and he immediately grabs me by the neck and kisses me. im wearing a white night slip and high heels and no panties (like he told me). i trip and giggle

he takes me to a bar around the corner and buys me a drink. this is when we have the only full conversation of the evening. hes like "i cant feel empathy" im like "im a bipolar orphan" and we both laugh, he is so hot, IM so hot, the tension is fucked up. puts his hand up my dress

we basically have dinner for 3,5 hours and barely say a word to eachother, we are just eating and staring, im getting really drunk on champagne and wine pairing and he sticks with water, my foot is on his thigh and his hand grabs my ankle and i want to die

he whispers in my ear that im a whore and when we leave the restaurant hes all like "walk in front of me, hike your dress up" and i am having the time of my fucking life. also he has a black eye

he walks me to the metro like a gentleman but also pushing me against walls and feeling me up every 10 seconds like an ANIMAL. when im on the train and i send him chopins ballade no 1 in g minor like "this is sex negative music" when its the most sexually charged song of all time

it gets worse. he says "see you on saturday"

so saturday he texts me all these weird ass instructions like what time to be there, to take off my clothes and put on a blindfold and sit pretty on the floor. hes like "i got a new whip". i text my friends like i fucking hate this guy sick of him already im losing my fkn mind

i get all dolled uo and go over there at precisely 6 pm. open the door to a small hallway with another closed door in front of me, and a blindfold on the floor. my heart is racing as i get undressed and i sit there FOREVER waiting for i dont even know what

eventually the front door opens behind me, he puts his hands on my shoulders and asks me if i were on time and i completelyyyy fucking lose it, im shaking, he puts a collar around my neck and cuffs my hands and leads me into the apartment

this man proceeds to fucking tie me down in bed and im not gonna go into detail but oh my god the shit hes saying to me and the god damn SOUNDS he makes??? hes a taurus and thats exactly what he sounds like, hot

i free one hand and pull the blindfold off. still in me, he looks down and goes "hey" and im like "sup". after we finish we manage to actually talk to eachother and hes like. so fucking funny. completely brain damaged bored rich boy, which means we get along famously

i get up and theres like two vibrators, a buttplug, a broken leash, a whip, rope, bitch i dont even know im like ok christian grey

the best part is that his bedroom has really intense pea green walls, its like. so sexy? to have a REAL COLOUR like that in the bedroom, one bed, a painting on the floor and nothing else. hes like "im making steak for dinner" and then fucks me against the dining table

he literally makes steak for dinner. he cooks a large steak, slices it and puts it on a plate and thats it. im like go off jordan peterson as he hand feeds me pieces of rare entrecôte

what the fuck

in the morning we decide to learn shibari together which neither of us has tried before but he ends up just tying me up because he thinks he can wing it, idiot. he does manage to turn me into a nice little package tho. we ruin the sofa

since i am the most charming person of all time im like here i brought you this book but you have to give it back to me. we have coffee. when hes like "we should end this date soon" im pretty much already halfway out the door cus i have french chocolate cake i wanna get home to

he is so much fun and neither of us feels anything and are both assholes and we both enjoy food and books and bdsm so i think it will be a while before we get sick of each other

all my friends called me like her bitch are you alive and i said that yes, i am living. my BEST life