another #kuroreads

lately, i've been debating whether or not to continue threads like this. but it really comes down to the fact that ao3 comment section cannot encapsulate all the thoughts i have while reading. and there are fics out there that i need

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166535 

to take time with.

this is one of them. lark's thread and the amount of researched poured into this fic had me digging it out of my marked for later section and the first section had me tearing up.

i just: 1) love travel 2) growing up as a tck i would not be surprised if i

undergo naturalization in the near future. point is tissues are ready. mute for incoherent crying.

[ Tooru draws himself up straight, clasps his hands in front of him and lets Oikawa-senshu sink in. It’s been a while. ]

this line. this was when i knew i couldn't just do a regular comment. like i wish i knew the name of this emotion. is it wistful? idk either way it made me

stop. let it sink in. and run my eyes over the same line and the following interview a few more times before i was ready to continue.

also this line: [ He says, “I’ve been waiting for this all my life.” ] i just had to go lie down. stare at the ceiling a little.

I AM HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN JUST SEARCHING WORDS UP ON GOOGLE. AND NOW I WANT TO TRY MEDIALUNA. BADLY lies down on face.

i am staring at my shower, war flash backing to the period where my sister held shower concerts belching let it go. i would pay to listen to oikawa. but also pity his fellow housemates. but god god GOD this is what i love about gen fics? the exploration of relationships that

shape a character. and in particular, because of oikawa tooru's decision and path he takes, this weaving of how he's still close with his seijoh team + friendly banter with his current one. also his titles are *chef kisses* 10/10 would buy

i am in love with mateo and ming-yi. ALSO ALL THE DESCRIPTIONS???!!! THE USAGE OF SOUND. god i love lark's way with words and how it paints a picture, transports you there.

i like to think that travel writing is my strong suit but in the face of this i just *gives up*

brb gonna go cry somewhere

my favorite thing to read really is just the notion of history? oral traditions passed down in small things in life like here with the window angle. and now finding out they were married and haven't moved out ( fondness? can i assume that? )

IM GONNA PAUSE AND TAKE A LONG SHOWER BECAUSE REACHING THE END OF THSI SECTION MADE ME TEAR UP. everything about this is so good. so serene? almost? how integrated he is with the community but also doesn't forget his own roots. that flashback, trees, and omamori was what ended me

the entire part about Kizu-obaachan that ends with [ to think that people’s lives, whole continents apart, kept on unfurling like vines to the sun? ] moved me. it's always the little things that gets you god i'm really going through it. having moved 3 countries in 10 years and

not really having a place you most associate with 'home' in the past eight. never really staying in a place longer than 2 ( unless you count those college dorm years ). it's always the little things.

[ The magnificently bland ubiquitous flavour of ¥120 tuna mayo onigiri. Tooru doesn’t even like tuna mayo onigiri. ]

this part made me laugh and then cry because me. I DONT EVEN LIKE SOME OF THE FOOD but because they are associated with home i miss them dearly. sometimes you are

hit with a wave of nostalgia. ah thats what this reminds me of. like when i catch people speaking in my mother tongue and how i unconsciously shift towards them. how the first time i heard it in ages i almost started crying on the spot because i didn't realize that was how home

sick i was. do i regret moving out or going to another country? no. never. but it doesn't negate the fact that the little things will make you home sick. just like how grief isn't a linear process: adaptation and making a home out of a new place isn't either.

this is turning into a home sick diary. i am so sorry for anyone who is reading this. I AM JUST GOING THROUGH IT. OIKAWA REALLY IS MY COMFORT CHARACTER. kita has bumped him down to no 3 but he's still up there c r i e s

how does one write so well? this is amazing just every character introduced is so fleshed out. you can almost imagine them in front of you, glean personality traits, and adopt them into your fold of characters to love. this is incredible story telling and i loved the description

of oikawa becoming part of the team ( the hug & kiss ) and the bond over food. also head over heels with ming-yi. the little tidbits to try to get oikawa to speak more locally. THE WHOLE PART ABOUT LARGE KNOWN CITIES and coming from another one and getting annoyed. i am cradling

this fic close to my chest.

also whenever i write travel fics and link a ton of sites i always wonder if it interrupts people reading it when i throw in locations and words without translation. but reading this i realize it interrupts nothing at all. i am having so much fun

looking things up and staring at google images/maps and creating the scenes in my head. helps me pace and take this fic in slowly. aaaaaaaaaah what an experience. what an incredible fic

1) is mateo learning mandarin for ming-yi because if so i will cry. just. collapse on the ground and lay in a puddle of my own tears
2) this entire part i rescreenshot to highlight. just the juxtaposition of communication on and off court. oikawa's philosophy with volleyball

boiled down to those two lines after a lifetime journey of being faced with "prodigies" and relearning what "talent" means.

[ The guitar from the restaurant next door strums a memory of the pampas that seizes Tooru with a nostalgia bigger than himself, for a place he’s never been. And the wanting beats so loud in his chest he has nowhere to let it out, but here, right here. ]

this entire piece is

just *chef kisses* on nostalgia of places you've been but also never been. just a feeling of longing woven through the story telling. i am so in love

[ “I grew up in the streets of Sendai, and I was forged in Argentina. I am proud of the places I come from…” ]

at this point i truly am quoting the entire fic but its so good. esp this meeting. [ They could be in Japan, except if they were, the truth is: they wouldn’t be hanging out like this. ] hit hard and hit home because fate is a weird thing. and also the last line

FUCK. head in hands and in awe of how this stitches together 1) oikawa's first time and arrival to the place that will become his new home 2) oikawa who does not care for the what ifs because he doesn't regret them. the feeling of given the chance he would make the same choices

i am really going through it.
things i love about this section ( there are too many )
1) oikawa's love of pastry > immigration business
2) despite his original plans, argentina has a way of making him ditch them and fall in love with each place ( but what a mood. what a mood.

there is not a place that i have visited that does not reside in my heart fondly )
3) that part about hanamaki and again, emotional over old bonds
4) tooru calling shouyou a friend
5) the parsing of you speak japanese vs you are japanese
6) tooru thinking of his sister & lending

a helping hand just. what an amazing character study enshrined in this interaction
7) [ Twice in as many weeks, someone’s speaking Japanese, in the flesh, after two years of Tooru only hearing it through a screen. ]

oh no.

like there are many moments in this fic where i go oh no because you know it will live on in you forever. and that some days you will catch yourself thinking about this fic again and how it will never leave you.

this is, again, one of those oh no moments.

to both oikawa's realization of how san juan and sendai both mean home now. the call back to the beginning with the wind and the tree and that very last line. a reflection of him and his journey here. splendid. i will never be the same ever again.

a sob broke out of me. i'm glad i have tissues at hand i just... mentorship. the bonds. 402 and the narration of how oikawa followed his mentor and stayed there but here the mentor is moving on and oikawa deliberates. that entire! paragraph! where he analyzes the usage of

good luck, you'll do great, and thank you is perfect with how inadequate these words are. and god. god the reflection upon hanami and the last paragraph. i wouldn't say it broke me. just pulled deep emotions out of me

[ “…in fact, it’s precisely because I grew up here that I know just what this Japan team is capable of. It’s my honour to face them.” ]

WATCH HOW HARD I CAN CRY PART 2

but it reminds me of kita and being built on all the past experiences of facing monster gen and (cries)

IM SORRY BUT THIS PART JUST REMINDED ME OF ARE YA WINNING, SON? AND I STARTED CRYING BC ISNT TOORU BASICALLY ADOPTED BY MATEO AND MING-YI AT THIS POINT *SOBS DRAMATICALLY INTO MY FIST*

i feel so seen in this very moment. i knew... ming-yi... i knew i loved him for a reason... i am blowing kisses into the sky and hope they arrive at lark's door somehow BUT ALL THIS ASIDE I-- tooru at the cusp of an answer and ming-yi noting all that and commenting instead i

THIS FIC. INCLUDES. A. ROAD. TRIP. I *swoons*

but also at this point i would love to read like 5 fics on mateo and ming-yi because i love them. or 7 fics on just slice of life daily things with mateo & ming-yi and their oikawa

how to go through 5 different emotions at 120km per hour because *clenches fist* the part of the summary that ends up in this section made my lower lip quiver. then i laughed out loud at their antics and the ease at which three human beings find each other's presence -- bound

by fate then happen to love. and the last part made me want to cry. under the magnanimity of the universe, away from the usual distractions of life, oikawa realizes what he wants even if he doesn't during that moment. if only i could leave ten thousand kudos

i am but a tender bruise. this section broke me. i can barely see my screen as i type because there is a wall of tears barely held back. and i wish i was joking or exaggerating but i'm not.

i loved 402 and the decision made. and i know that people brushed it off as a shounen

manga ending and things like that but i also didn't realize i needed and wanted ( desperately ) a fic like this that validated his decision in a way that made oikawa tooru feel real. not just an anime character who crossed the 4th wall and all that. but to be able to find comfort

in his decision? i don't think i'm making sense. all i'm feeling right now is a deep sense of gratitude and a sort of overwhelming joy that i decided to read this tonight. it's cathartic in ways in which all languages fail to help me describe.

1) seijoh 3 banter

2) the entire section where he's back at ezeiza airport but this time he's going to japan. how he's always missing something. like the entire part about the tourists and the immigration card and the emotions that rose in my throat the moment i read it.

3) habits shaped overseas that he will probably never unlearn. the ah. i'm in japan was sharp only because it feels like at that very moment argentina is more familiar than japan. that feeling when you go back to a place you loved and you realize the stores are different now...

it's that type of feeling.
4) that very last line. so lovely i wish i could frame it somewhere. i am once again deceased

my heart is eternally 0imatsu for some goddamn reason so not at the way i cried at old debts from three years ago.
BUT GOD. LIKE I WAS SAYING. THIS. EXACTLY THIS. THE AUDACITY OF PLACES TO KEEP ON LIVING AND GROWING WHEN IM NOT THERE. UGH. thats when it hits the hardest.

these places i consider home but no longer look like the home i am used to. and also that interaction with his nephew and that line of his... lies down on face. oikawa tooru is further ahead than i will ever be. what a man

again. some more crying. i cannot put my emotions into words but again love familial relationships. love this whole part where she does not understand where tooru comes from but that's okay. he chose the hard path and she will always support him. and

[ “Even if I don’t belong to a place any more, I think it’ll always belong to me. You know?” he says, quiet. ] if i may call this the central thesis of this fic perfectly executed. my heart is whole again. i have the courage to face tomorrow.

THIS IS SO BITTER SWEET I AM AGAIN TYPING THROUGH A SCREEN OF TEARS.

second paragraph... second paragraph really just... help... please...

ALL THE ROADS AND PEOPLE THAT BROUGHT HIM TO THIS VERY MOMENT. AND THE WAY IT ENDS HERE BUT STARTS WITH THE INTERVIEW AND WE WHIRLWIND THROUGH HIS YEARS (8? 7?) AWAY FROM MIYAGI AND once again im at the part where my hardest struggle is finding fave quote to bookmark (impossible)