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Excerpts from the terms and conditions for your brain chip:
* We reserve the right to upgrade your brain chip from time to time. We will give you 24 hours’ notice of updates. You might experience impaired, reduced, or unusual brain activity while your update is installed.
* We reserve the right to upgrade your brain chip from time to time. We will give you 24 hours’ notice of updates. You might experience impaired, reduced, or unusual brain activity while your update is installed.
* On and from the date of installation of your brain chip, you may not think immoral thoughts, or thoughts which might infringe any rights of a third party. If you think immoral thoughts in breach of this term, you agree we may publicise those thoughts linked to your identity.
* This brain chip requires a valid subscription. Some thoughts require specific additional subscription plans, which are available at additional cost. You agree we can audit your thoughts without prior notice to check your compliance with this term.
* YOU INDEMNIFY US WITHOUT LIMIT AGAINST ANY LOSSES WHATSOEVER THAT WE OR ANY THIRD PARTY MAY SUFFER AS A RESULT OF OR IN CONNECTION WITH ANY BREACH OF THIS AGREEMENT. OUR LIABILITY TO YOU IS LIMITED TO SOD ALL.
* If you wish to terminate this agreement, you must think “I wish to terminate this agreement” no less than once every 97 seconds, and no more than once ever 22.5 seconds.
This term does not apply if your brain function is inhibited in the course of an upgrade.
This term does not apply if your brain function is inhibited in the course of an upgrade.
* Within 24 hours of us sending notice to you (including by means of a postcard couriered by a raccoon of our choosing), you must report to a Diagnostic and Repair Center specified in that notice. You may not attempt to repair, remove, or otherwise interfere with the brain chip.
* Your rights as a consumer (ha!) are not affected by any provision of this agreement.
* This brain chip was tested on pigs, and you acknowledge and agree that (I) this is a reasonable representation of you, for the purposes of device testing and safety, and (II) you will hold neither us nor any pig liable as a consequence of this.
* Any intellectual property rights in ideas, inventions, and other similar thoughts which you have during the term of this agreement belong to us. You agree to do all such things as are necessary to give effect to this.
* In connection with the foregoing, you waive all moral rights in all such ideas and similar. And, knowing the kind of ideas you have, immoral rights too, you pervert.
