Alright, friends. Reading a recommended romance novel from a friend that’s been mediocre & problematic AF thus far, but a given really, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN:

Shoving actual SPICED dessert up his wife’s vag I AM SCREAMING

THE COUNT HAS INCREASED TO 3. HOW LONG DOES THIS MAN THINK THE VAGINAL CANAL IS

Sir, that fiery blaze is the leftover cinnamon on your dick. The inferno in your groin is actually an incoming UTI

To quote @ssnchthrutime, tight hot tunnel is the “least sexy thing I’ve ever heard.”

Running list of euphemisms in this novel for:
- Penis: cock
- Vaginas: pussy, tunnel, channel, core, sex, center, heat, entrance

Edit: 2 euphemisms. She called it a shaft.

Disappointed she didn’t use diamond-hard train to keep up with the tunnel metaphor

I’m happy to report hygiene did cross their minds at some point:

“I’m going to try to get my legs under me and then under you. We can help each other to the bathroom. I’m sure we can make it.”