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THIS.
THIS is how you write a viral political post.
THIS is how you get at least 5,000 faves, 2,000 retweets, and 500 new followers.
THIS is me inserting line breaks because I don& #39;t actually have the writing skills or depth of thought to hold your attention.
THIS is how you write a viral political post.
THIS is how you get at least 5,000 faves, 2,000 retweets, and 500 new followers.
THIS is me inserting line breaks because I don& #39;t actually have the writing skills or depth of thought to hold your attention.
Oh shit. Here we go. Get ready for some short, choppy sentences. After all, I& #39;m a man of the people. But I also think you& #39;re stupid.
Because even though I praise Martin and Malcolm (first name basis) I will never be anything more than an outrage aggregator.
Because even though I praise Martin and Malcolm (first name basis) I will never be anything more than an outrage aggregator.
But forget all that. THIS is where I tell you it& #39;s not even about me.
It& #39;s about you.
It& #39;s about the country.
It& #39;s about the future.
Except it& #39;s obviously about me. I just can& #39;t admit that because while I am greedy and ambitious I& #39;m too socialist to embrace those concepts
It& #39;s about you.
It& #39;s about the country.
It& #39;s about the future.
Except it& #39;s obviously about me. I just can& #39;t admit that because while I am greedy and ambitious I& #39;m too socialist to embrace those concepts
Right now I am LITERALLY SHAKING with HOLY PASSION even though I& #39;m calmly typing this on my iPhone while sitting on the toilet in a nice apartment because I convinced my followers to donate money to a cause that was nothing more than a way to pay my rent and boost my brand.
Why?
Because I& #39;m an Internet Activist. Always looking for the next outrage, the next socially acceptable cause that we can all pretend isn& #39;t socially acceptable.
But I promise you this, my friends (who I will ignore if I ever meet you)...
Because I& #39;m an Internet Activist. Always looking for the next outrage, the next socially acceptable cause that we can all pretend isn& #39;t socially acceptable.
But I promise you this, my friends (who I will ignore if I ever meet you)...
I will ALWAYS stand against the oppressors, the hateful bigots, the evil masses who may or may not only make up 3% of the population.
Yes, the story is outrageous, but there& #39;s no need to click on the link. Just like and share like a good shee--I mean follower.
Yes, the story is outrageous, but there& #39;s no need to click on the link. Just like and share like a good shee--I mean follower.
And if the story turns out to be exaggerated? Or a hoax? Or a non-story upon further investigation? Will I delete it?
Of course not.
Because while you are busy fact-checking, busy sharing, busy debunking what I wrote...
...I& #39;m already writing my next post.
Of course not.
Because while you are busy fact-checking, busy sharing, busy debunking what I wrote...
...I& #39;m already writing my next post.
Thanks for all the love, everyone! Please continue to support [whatever cause you like] by subscribing to my Patreon so I can continue to consume the grief of the oppressed from my townhouse in the suburbs.
