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THIS.
THIS is how you write a viral political post.
THIS is how you get at least 5,000 faves, 2,000 retweets, and 500 new followers.
THIS is me inserting line breaks because I don't actually have the writing skills or depth of thought to hold your attention.
THIS is how you write a viral political post.
THIS is how you get at least 5,000 faves, 2,000 retweets, and 500 new followers.
THIS is me inserting line breaks because I don't actually have the writing skills or depth of thought to hold your attention.
Oh shit. Here we go. Get ready for some short, choppy sentences. After all, I'm a man of the people. But I also think you're stupid.
Because even though I praise Martin and Malcolm (first name basis) I will never be anything more than an outrage aggregator.
Because even though I praise Martin and Malcolm (first name basis) I will never be anything more than an outrage aggregator.
But forget all that. THIS is where I tell you it's not even about me.
It's about you.
It's about the country.
It's about the future.
Except it's obviously about me. I just can't admit that because while I am greedy and ambitious I'm too socialist to embrace those concepts
It's about you.
It's about the country.
It's about the future.
Except it's obviously about me. I just can't admit that because while I am greedy and ambitious I'm too socialist to embrace those concepts
Right now I am LITERALLY SHAKING with HOLY PASSION even though I'm calmly typing this on my iPhone while sitting on the toilet in a nice apartment because I convinced my followers to donate money to a cause that was nothing more than a way to pay my rent and boost my brand.
Why?
Because I'm an Internet Activist. Always looking for the next outrage, the next socially acceptable cause that we can all pretend isn't socially acceptable.
But I promise you this, my friends (who I will ignore if I ever meet you)...
Because I'm an Internet Activist. Always looking for the next outrage, the next socially acceptable cause that we can all pretend isn't socially acceptable.
But I promise you this, my friends (who I will ignore if I ever meet you)...
I will ALWAYS stand against the oppressors, the hateful bigots, the evil masses who may or may not only make up 3% of the population.
Yes, the story is outrageous, but there's no need to click on the link. Just like and share like a good shee--I mean follower.
Yes, the story is outrageous, but there's no need to click on the link. Just like and share like a good shee--I mean follower.
And if the story turns out to be exaggerated? Or a hoax? Or a non-story upon further investigation? Will I delete it?
Of course not.
Because while you are busy fact-checking, busy sharing, busy debunking what I wrote...
...I'm already writing my next post.
Of course not.
Because while you are busy fact-checking, busy sharing, busy debunking what I wrote...
...I'm already writing my next post.
Thanks for all the love, everyone! Please continue to support [whatever cause you like] by subscribing to my Patreon so I can continue to consume the grief of the oppressed from my townhouse in the suburbs.
