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Earlier today I saw someone tweet that straight people who reject heteronormativity are queer and it really set my teeth on edge but also got me thinking about this question of who âcountsâ as queer which I think is kind of complicated!
Like, okay, yes, we can pretty definitively say that gay, lesbian, and bi/pan/etc folks are queer.
Are straight trans people queer? I mean, I wouldnât boot them out of the queer club, but if they ID as straight, do they even want the label queer?
Are straight trans people queer? I mean, I wouldnât boot them out of the queer club, but if they ID as straight, do they even want the label queer?
Then, like, there are straight kinky people who argue that, owing to the fact that they are hardwired to be kinky and that they face negative social repercussions for this, they are queer. Likewise youâll see this argument with straight poly people.
Iâm less convinced here!
Iâm less convinced here!
I was more on the fence about this at one point, but a leather dyke friend pointed out that she wouldnât want straight people at a queer kinky party, and that kinda crystallized it for me: straight kinky people are still operating from a different mindset than queers.
The one Iâm most on the fence about is heteroromantic aces. My gut says no, theyâre straight and thus not queer, but Iâve heard arguments in favor of all aces being queer that ... I mean, I dunno. I dunno!
But really the *bigger* question here for me is: what is the purpose of the queer label and, more broadly, the queer community? If straight aces are a part of the queer community, what does that actually mean?
Is it about a community that is bonding over shared experience? A community that is about seeking out intimate relationships and sex? A community that is about uniting to dismantle heteronormativity?
I honestly donât know!
I honestly donât know!
Anyway, if you were hoping at the end of this Iâd have some answers for you, jokeâs on you. I mostly just feel like labels are very messy and TBH Iâm fine with that, but if you have exclusively hetero attractions and engage exclusively in hetero sex you are not queer, thanks.
Also I think part of where this gets tripped up is that people get it into their heads that âstraight = badâ the same way white people get convinced that âwhite = badâ and try to talk our way out of whiteness and like... being straight is fine! Itâs just who you are!
Me saying someone is straight and not queer is not me saying they are somehow a bad person, not the least because a lot of queer people suck 
Uplifting this to say that, yeah, I mean, my ultimate goal is for people to just be able to fuck and love whomever they want (even if thatâs no one at all!) and go through life unbothered, but weâre not there yet, and I donât think we get there by straight people claiming queer. https://twitter.com/giventorant/status/1299869097866399744
Part of *how* we get there is by people who upend and dismantle heteronormativity getting visibility, which, sigh, requires labels. I mean, trust me, I would love to have NO LABELS for myself, but I understand bisexual and queer as important political IDs so I suck it up.
Yes the world is complicated and we have to hold multiple conflicting ideas in our heads
Also just to be clear: Iâm not policing anyoneâs use of the label queer unless theyâre allo cishet; my âI donât know!â re: transhets and heteroromantic aces is a genuine âthis is not an area I could even remotely claim expertise in and it is not for me to say.â
My gut saying something doesnât mean that my gut is right, my gut has all kinds of biases Iâm working to unlearn. 
BTW just for full transparency the tweet that inspired all of this said:
âive come to use âstraightâ as meaning something like âsomeone who bases their behavior on other persons appearances and holds themselves and others to certain societal normsâ
whereas queer is the oppositeâ
âive come to use âstraightâ as meaning something like âsomeone who bases their behavior on other persons appearances and holds themselves and others to certain societal normsâ
whereas queer is the oppositeâ
That was what irritated me
Also elevating this response to someone because I think it gets to another nut of this for me https://twitter.com/luxalptraum/status/1299889795439693824
If you have to be queer to get the support of the queer community, that feels... pretty bad to me!
Coming back to this thread because this tweet raises an interesting point. Robert Sheehan is, by all accounts, a cishet man who pushes the boundaries with his fashion and has some heteroflexibility in his past. Is he queer? https://twitter.com/alilemer/status/1300072117925539841
Again, my gut says no, but then I think about Eddie Izzard, and how before they were out as trans they IDed as a âstraight transvestite.â On the one hand, I donât quite think of cishet crossdressers as queer. But if the queer label helps a trans person find themselves...
Which, again, brings me back this larger question of âwhat is the purpose of the queer label/community to begin with?â
Also, again, none of this is an evaluation of anyoneâs worth or a declaration of who can and canât sit with me, because I let allo cishets sit with me all the time.
I have many beloved straight friends
