Gonna watch Jurassic Park and tweet about it like I have no idea what happens.

What is in this crate? Jesus Christ these people may be overreacting.

Geoffrey got stuck with the job to manually raise the gate. This is why we need unions. A machine could easily have taken care of...OH SHIT BYE GEOFFREY!

Geoffrey just died and the CEO hates safety inspection? This has to be a metaphor for unionization. No wonder the park isn’t in America.

This is my favorite dinosaur so far.

Refreshing that nobody famous is in this movie except that woman who is constantly shrieking in David Lynch films.

This John Hammond guy really does not value the lives of his workers.

Barbasol advertisement.

No exposition is truly complete without Jeff Goldblum.

Lotta helicopter porn in this picture.

The first 1/2 hour if this movie is really framing “the investors” as the villain.

Finally, a dinosaur. I feel like, the archeologists coulda guessed what was happening on the island. They were given a lot of clues to be THIS surprised.

31 minutes into this puppy and we are still introducing characters and laying down exposition. 1 dinosaur and one death so far. Jaws had way more death in the first half hour.

Jeep Grand Cherokee advertisement.

Yak harness advertisement.

“Coupon Day at Jurassic Park” should be a spinoff movie. Really think about that.

I don’t think it was necessary to invite children to, what is essentially, a monter-business-meeting.

Interactive CD Rom advertisement.

Oh shit. Sam Jackson. Shit is finally feeling real, motherfuckers.

Now a poison spitting dinosaur in addition to Sam Jackson.

Butterfingers advertisement.

Man, I would love to see Sam Jackson kill Newman. I hope that happens later - something I would have no idea about because of the conceit of this thread.

“What’s gonna happen to the goat?” seems a little naive for a child of this age.

Absolute brass balls to make a movie about killer dinosaurs, then spend 47 minutes on dinosaur-free exposition, and then have your Goldblum character complain about the lack of “dinosaurs on this dinosaur tour”.