I was born and raised in Kenosha,WI, as were my parents. I still live here with my husband, who was also born and raised here, as were my in-laws. We have 5 children who attend Kenosha schools, and where I have spent my entire career as an educator. It has been a tough week.
It’s been a lot harder for other people.

Like folks all over the country we watched in May and June and protests and riots broke out across the country following the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor.
I’ve talked more about race and racism with my husband, children, parents, friends and colleagues in the last few months than ever before. I’ve blocked other relatives on FB for their unapologetic racism.

This week has been different.
White privilege and systemic racism aren’t new ideas for me. I’ve spent years studying them and trying to disrupt the system, particularly as it pertains to math education in our district.
This week I realized that part of that white privilege is watching “civil unrest” in other places and believing that it will never happen here. And thinking that the reason that it won’t happen here is because our law enforcement officers our somehow “better” than cops elsewhere.
Believing, hoping, as much as you know it’s not true, that we can still teach our kids, like we were taught, that cops are here to help us, that they can be trusted, that they won’t treat their black and brown friends differently.
And in the blink of an eye all that hope is gone. You know you should stay off social media, but you can’t. It’s hard to know what’s more painful, the truth or the lies, and sometimes it’s hard to know the difference.
On one hand you empathize with the community leaders, mayor, police chief and sheriff, who you’d like to believe are doing their best to control a situation no one ever thought they would have to deal with
And then moments later are appalled by the words coming out of their mouths and realize that they are part of the problem.

Then you learn that local LEOs don’t have body cams, and wonder WTF.
You pray for they safety of your neighbors, friends, and relatives who are law enforcement officers and firefighters thrown into the fray night after night, while also knowing that the system needs to change.
You cringe at the news of a 17yr old murderer, the same age as your oldest child, while breathing a sigh of relief that he wasn’t one of “ours”, which would have made everything that much worse.
More than anything you wonder what comes next. How do we heal and rebuild a stronger, more just, community?
As educators, how do support each other on Monday when our building are open again?
How will we support our students, 3 of whom are Jacob Blake’s children, when they return to school, either in-person or virtually in a few weeks?

Are we finally ready to stop avoiding conversations about race and racism and work towards becoming an anti-racist school system?
As a math teacher, I’ve always been fond of the quote “Mathematics may not teach us to add love or subtract hate, but it gives us hope that every problem has a solution.”

I don’t have any solutions right now, but I know that trying to go back to “normal” isn’t one.
I also love Mr Rogers, who famously told us to look for the helpers. And while the outpouring of kindness in the community to support those who have lost their homes and businesses is heartwarming, I also know that kindness isn’t enough.
While things seem to have quieted down for now, I’m sure this isn’t the end of our story, and you’ll be hearing out our community in the news for awhile - or at least until there’s a new incident to dominate the headlines.
I continue to pray for Jacob Blake and his family, and for our community - that we have the courage to look inward and reflect about the events of the last week, and instead of laying blame on outsiders who wreaked havoc on our peaceful little town
seek to understand how and why it happened here, how similar but less newsworthy events happen everyday to BIPOC in our community, and that it will happen again unless we dedicate ourselves to real systemic change.
This has been a hard week. It’s been a lot harder for others. And while it may seem to get easier as the “unrest” quiets down, the curfews are lifted, and boarded up windows are repaired. But the hard truth is, it’s not going to be easier for everyone.
You can follow @jenniferklawler.
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