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so .. i got cheated on. this has been probably would of the most trying situations of my life and i really dont know what to do with myself. im hoping that by talking abt it maybe it can serve as some therapy bc fuck. i need something. :/
ok so. im gonna start from the beginning. in january i matched with this guy on tinder named Melvin. not only was i attracted to him but his name was like mine so i swiped right and we matched. he messaged me, and we eventually took our convo to snap / imessage. a GRAVE mistake.
so at the time, i was still trying to get over someone else, so i opened up abt it to him v early on. i wanted to be fair to him and let him know what he was getting into. this led us to become v vulnerable with e/o really early, within weeks we all abt eachothers issues lmao
one of his biggest struggles was insecurity. there were plenty of times where we would plan to hangout or something but his insecurities would get the best of him.. i did my best to suck it up, and just uplift him bc .. i liked him a lot & wanted to help. i did this alot. 
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often times he would flip situations on me, argue with me, and make me feel bad over the smallest things. i.e; i brought up the fact that after dealing with e/o 3 months he still hasnt seen me and asked if he planned on it. then this happened. all i did was ask a question.
oh just to explain our relationship: there was no title but we were together. i told him the only way we could have the bf title is if he came to see me. i needed my first relationship to not be LD. all he had to do was see me and then the title would’ve come. he never did.
but were just a LD couple. his mom knew me as his boyfriend as well as those close to him, and vice versa. he even told me that he loved me on multiple accounts, but i never would say it back for previous reasons stated. i felt it, i just was too scared to say it without a title.
BUT anyway, so then here is the start of the end. he was in a bootcamp for coding, and so we were still talking a lot, just not 24/7 bc he was busy with that. so i made a point to tell him how i was feeling and we tried to find some common ground, kinda.
so even tho we established a sort of common ground, he wasnt holding up. i missed him, and felt like things were changing and it scared me. i told him abt it and there was ALWAYS something. i started to become frustrated but i still tried to be supportive and patient.
so after this, i hopped on tinder bc honestly i felt like he wasnt being fair to me so i wanted to leave the door open for others. i looked at his profile and he added a RECENT picture i never seen before. i was fucking fuming. im being patient and supportive while ur on TINDER..
i ended up getting him on the phone and confronted him. he assured me that it was nothing, the picture was old and that its been there for a while. he claimed he didnt have time for tinder anyway. i chose to believe him bc again, i loved him and trusted him. but he flipped on me.
he had a fair point, but thats bc the entire relationship was on his terms. i made myself flexible, bc if things werent his way it was such a problem. thats why we were 5 months in a relationship with no title. bc i didnt push him to see me bc of insecurities even tho i wanted to
but this conversation led us to arguing abt where it is that we stand and him giving me an ultimatum that ended up biting me in the ass, im crying just reading this over lmao.
continued.
my point in this argument was that he was being unfair to me by stringing me along into something that wasnt guaranteed but getting mad at me for leaving the door open. it didnt make sense. and after this argument i really was over it, i was tired of crying and worrying abt it.
we ended up talking on the phone that night, and cleared alot up. it really did feel good until he asked me to make a choice: wait for him OR try and build with other people. i wanted time to think but he rushed me & being that i loved him i chose him. my worst mistake.
after that we grew really distant and we barely talked. for an entire month. and to shorten this story, during that month : he flew to miami in the middle of a pandemic to see / be with a boy. all under my nose. he blocked me from his story so i didnt know, but i knew sum was up.
so to cut the story really short, i confronted him on multiple accounts, pieced everything with evidence, asked him etc. then after weeks he finally admitted to it. i was heart broken and literally felt the worse about myself i ever have. someone i trusted literally set me up.
so boom. then after he told me, being that i still cared abt him(hated him at the same time)i still wanted to talk to him. i wanted to be his friend but he ignored my calls. after telling him how depressed ive been now, and him knowing my emotional/mental state he still ducked me
and so the other day i blocked him on all socials and found the boy who he cheated on me w him. since melvin wouldnt give me the closure i needed i found it other ways . i explained to the other guy abt the whole situation and how he cheated on me with him. after arguing with ..
melvin, angel blocked me. this is what happened shorty after i told angel. (as u can see i was trying to get in contact w him so we could talk. i was having panic attacks and literally in such a bad place mentally, and he only answers once i told the truth abt him). i hate him sm
and the thing is, he told me one of the fee times i was able to talk to him, that i was objectively better for him. told me that the guy is psychotic, and all the issues he has... so you cheated on me to be with someone u said u knew was better for u. isnt that wild? fuck me
so now im just in the worst mental space ever. hes taken me so much out of character and all i wanted to do was be there for him. be with him. love him. and all i did was try and stay loyal / faithful to him and literally CHEATED on me. i literally dont get it and feel like shit.
all im trying to do is forget about him. not think abt him. not check on him. not care abt him. idk how to do it. and i feel like nobody gets it, or can even help me lol. crazy how he did me wrong and now is moving to miami to be with the boy.. while im having panic attks lol.
waiting for a break, for me to finally have my time lmao. as stupid as it sounds im tired of being everyone’s sacrificial lamb and being done dirty. and then by people i get to caring and loving. i really just wanted to be everything for him. im just tired. advice? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😅" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit offenem Mund und Angstschweiß" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit offenem Mund und Angstschweiß">
but yeah, end of thread. now excuse me while i bury myself in the covers & cry <3