It's hard for words when you watch people you love go down evil paths because of the pastors they trust, the news they trust, the books they read.

It's like a reverse discipleship process- a discipleship of racism and fear and nationalism all cloaked in Bible words. I am so sad.

If we can be discipled to live the fruits of the Spirit and discipled to reflect the Beatitudes, why don't we believe that discipleship works in reverse, too - that if you sit under the instruction of the wrong people, you can look less and less like Christ and not even notice.

I don't want to take away responsibility from folks, but I think of that verse so often about those who "cause these little ones to stumble." Powerful, evil people are manipulating & using vulnerable people, preying on their fear, discipling them away from Jesus. So fucking sad.

Again, I don't mean to say "vulnerable" because folks aren't - doing truly terrible things.

But if we can become more holy and humble and gentle because of our churches, mentors, friends - we can also get worse, get evil, because of those things too. Good people can become bad.

People like Fr**lin Gr***m who have such a huge following and who are discipling so many people literally away from Jesus. Better for a millstone to be around your neck. I'm so so angry and so so sad.

Also I keep coming back to - w/o my philosophy professors at my state college, w/o my theology professors at my liberal seminary, w/o pastors & mentors, w/o friends -

I was a homeschooled racist anti-abortion homophobic nationalist GOP girl w a framed pic of Reagan on my wall.

People came for me, without those folks I don't know where I'd have ended up. How do we come for each other in a climate like this? How do get our people? Is it even possible anymore while the nationalist anti-christ discipleship machine churns out followers?

Jesus have mercy.