1. thinking of how I felt when Carrie Fisher passed—a publicly, unabashedly mentally ill powerhouse of a woman with a flaming spark and plenty of love and life to share with those around her. I was gutted. I felt like I had lost a friend, a mentor, someone who understood.

2. and then I think about my Black friends and how Chadwick Boseman is their Carrie Fisher. I think about one friend in particular, Ahdo, one the brightest stars in my sky, my creative soulmate, my energy match, my partner in crime (and manic Target adventures)—

3. and how *incredible* it was to watch his excitement when Miles Morales got an animated feature in Spiderverse, and earlier that year, when Black Panther was dominating the big screen. it was marvelous. it gave him hope. it gave ME hope.

4. 2018 was a big year for Ahdo in that he got to witness his own Blackness in the form of TWO kickass superheroes. it wasn’t just that they were strong, but that they were complex. in addition to being superheroes saving humanity, they were *human.*

5. but that year was also one of turbulent change for my friend. while witnessing Black excellence was obv important, I think witnessing Black complexity was even moreso. Miles was witty and clever, but he was also lost, confused, and scared. and while Miles is Ahdo’s fav,

6. I think T’Challa was a larger force in Ahdo finding himself. T’Challa is powerful af, yeah. but with that power came a ton of character nuances. he carried so much weight on his shoulders. he cared so much for his loved ones. he tirelessly defended his tribe and his world.

7. he loved and he lost and he still fought through it all for what he believed in. for what he knew to be true. the Black Panther gave Ahdo strength—and T’Challa could not have been brought to life any better than by Chadwick Boseman.

8. this thread isn’t just about my friend. I know Ahdo is not the only young Black man who saw himself in Chadwick’s Black Panther. I know that it was from that larger-than-life portrayal of Black power, resiliance, and *love* that so many Black kids (and grown-ups) realized...

9. if T’Challa could save Wakanda, they could save their families. their loved ones. their communities. they could even save themselves. and that was SO fucking important. still is, now more than ever.

10. listen, y’all, I’ve never been big into comics. never been one for superheroes. I’m also white and privileged af and maybe I don’t even have a place in this conversation. but I saw how Chadwick’s strength both onscreen *and* offscreen gave strength to a friend who needed it—

11. and that in and of itself compels me to share. Chadwick Boseman was to my Black loved ones what Carrie Fisher was to me, a mentally ill/disabled white woman. seeing General Leia in TFA was a moment of profound connection. losing Carrie was deeply personal.

12. but this is different from losing Leia. I can only guess at the feeling of seeing yourself in a superhero for the first time; I grew up with stories about girls like me. there are tons of strong, complex fictional women. there are not as many strong, complex Black characters.

13. so while I can do my best to empathize, I know I cannot even come close to understanding the loss of Chadwick Boseman. he was so young, and yet his impact—his legacy—is greater than I will ever be able to fathom. may he rest in power. may he be at peace. #WakandaForever