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1.Diaspora Diaries Pt 2. During my 16 year stay in e Queen's country I've witnessed many marriage breakdowns,especially among e African diaspora. You see,women r usually e first to emigrate & set up "things",get a job & start earning a liveable salary. Men
2. are usually left behind 2 "tidy" up things up back home,or they're reluctant 2 leave their comfort zones. In most cases men will only join their spouses after 2 years or more,visa issues always get in e way.Only when e wife gets a "Leave to Remain visa ..
3. Only then can e husband apply 4 a "Spouse Visa" which will allow him to live & work in e UK ,but with no recourse 2 public funds ,eg tax credits or benefits. By e time e husband lands,e wife has already aclamatised,she's "discovered" a new independence..
4.When e husband lands,he will bring w him the African husband to wife attitude- the "ndini baba" (I'm e man/father)attitude. He will expect the same respect she accorded him back home,even before he secures a job, he will still expect that cultural respect..
5. .."maswera sei Samaita" like respeck! The wife will probably accord him that respect 4 a week, thereafter reality hits,she'll push him to get a job & pay his way & e longer it takes him 2 get a job e more e wife begins 2 "tamba kongonya" 4 him,& men,
6. African men don't take "back chat" lightly! Months will go by,e wife working day & night while e hubby is applying 4 jobs but men's pride gets in the way,they won't take a job they consider "lowly" moreso when they r armed w a useless degree..
7.they will not take a job in e Council as a madhoda bhini (garbage collector) even though e job pays a decent ÂŁ12 an hour,enough to pay some of e bills & reclaim some dignity,reclaim one's voice in e household!Meanwhile e wife is getting more & more agitated
8.when she comes home after a long shift,she'll expect food cooked,house cleaning done,dishes washed,clothes in e washing machine...a very tough situation for a newly arrived African man who was used 2 everything done 4 him! The arguments intensify, painful
words are exchanged in e process,the wife has an advantage! She's e one who "brought" you here! "I brought you here on my visa,you can go back to Zimbabwe if u want,I don't care,I've got my life" ,and there e dude is ,gobsmacked, kungo shama,shama!
10.These catfights will go on well after e guy settles for that "lowly" job. In e diaspora there are no aunts and uncles to mediate in marriage disputes, you're on your own! We've all read in e newspapers of men stabbing their wives 2 death over
11. these kinda disputes. When men's "positions" as head of e family r suddenly taken away,their confidence,egos are crushed!They resort to insults,throw sulky strops,& sadly some men turn 2 violence,especially when e woman keeps "rubbing salt" into e wound!
12. Many relationships have broken down this way,the woman has become independent, she no longer bows down to the man, African men don't like that! My word of advice if you're coming over to join your spouse is simple: Leave your attitude & your superiority
13. in Zimbabwe or wherever you come from. Be prepared 2 compromise,do your bit around e house, vacuum clean e carpets,wash e dishes & most importantly do not be ashamed to take up ANY job as a start,nobody cares what u do,people here mind their own business!
14. When I landed here,I couldn't cook,I couldn't even boil an egg,but I had to switch on quickly,I hit e ground running,got a job in my first 2 weeks, bought a banger 2 drive 2 work for ÂŁ300 w my first weekly pay! And,kept e peace in e process!
15/15 Here in there is nothing shameful to do e cooking if your missus is working late,hakusi kudyiswa,this is e First World,we r equal except mumagumbeze .So it is very sad to have witnessed so many marriages break up coz of these new realities! END.
