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1.Diaspora Diaries Pt 2. During my 16 year stay in e Queen& #39;s country I& #39;ve witnessed many marriage breakdowns,especially among e African diaspora. You see,women r usually e first to emigrate & set up "things",get a job & start earning a liveable salary. Men
2. are usually left behind 2 "tidy" up things up back home,or they& #39;re reluctant 2 leave their comfort zones. In most cases men will only join their spouses after 2 years or more,visa issues always get in e way.Only when e wife gets a "Leave to Remain visa ..
3. Only then can e husband apply 4 a "Spouse Visa" which will allow him to live & work in e UK ,but with no recourse 2 public funds ,eg tax credits or benefits. By e time e husband lands,e wife has already aclamatised,she& #39;s "discovered" a new independence..
4.When e husband lands,he will bring w him the African husband to wife attitude- the "ndini baba" (I& #39;m e man/father)attitude. He will expect the same respect she accorded him back home,even before he secures a job, he will still expect that cultural respect..
5. .."maswera sei Samaita" like respeck! The wife will probably accord him that respect 4 a week, thereafter reality hits,she& #39;ll push him to get a job & pay his way & e longer it takes him 2 get a job e more e wife begins 2 "tamba kongonya" 4 him,& men,
6. African men don& #39;t take "back chat" lightly! Months will go by,e wife working day & night while e hubby is applying 4 jobs but men& #39;s pride gets in the way,they won& #39;t take a job they consider "lowly" moreso when they r armed w a useless degree..
7.they will not take a job in e Council as a madhoda bhini (garbage collector) even though e job pays a decent ÂŁ12 an hour,enough to pay some of e bills & reclaim some dignity,reclaim one& #39;s voice in e household!Meanwhile e wife is getting more & more agitated
8.when she comes home after a long shift,she& #39;ll expect food cooked,house cleaning done,dishes washed,clothes in e washing machine...a very tough situation for a newly arrived African man who was used 2 everything done 4 him! The arguments intensify, painful
words are exchanged in e process,the wife has an advantage! She& #39;s e one who "brought" you here! "I brought you here on my visa,you can go back to Zimbabwe if u want,I don& #39;t care,I& #39;ve got my life" ,and there e dude is ,gobsmacked, kungo shama,shama!
10.These catfights will go on well after e guy settles for that "lowly" job. In e diaspora there are no aunts and uncles to mediate in marriage disputes, you& #39;re on your own! We& #39;ve all read in e newspapers of men stabbing their wives 2 death over
11. these kinda disputes. When men& #39;s "positions" as head of e family r suddenly taken away,their confidence,egos are crushed!They resort to insults,throw sulky strops,& sadly some men turn 2 violence,especially when e woman keeps "rubbing salt" into e wound!
12. Many relationships have broken down this way,the woman has become independent, she no longer bows down to the man, African men don& #39;t like that! My word of advice if you& #39;re coming over to join your spouse is simple: Leave your attitude & your superiority
13. in Zimbabwe or wherever you come from. Be prepared 2 compromise,do your bit around e house, vacuum clean e carpets,wash e dishes & most importantly do not be ashamed to take up ANY job as a start,nobody cares what u do,people here mind their own business!
14. When I landed here,I couldn& #39;t cook,I couldn& #39;t even boil an egg,but I had to switch on quickly,I hit e ground running,got a job in my first 2 weeks, bought a banger 2 drive 2 work for ÂŁ300 w my first weekly pay! And,kept e peace in e process!
15/15 Here in there is nothing shameful to do e cooking if your missus is working late,hakusi kudyiswa,this is e First World,we r equal except mumagumbeze .So it is very sad to have witnessed so many marriages break up coz of these new realities! END.
