Let's help Tom with some friendly advice. /1 https://twitter.com/HardlyRealTom/status/1299683959526227969?s=20

/2 Everything is just matter, just an arrangement of atoms; we are all, as Sagan said, made of star stuff.

Hence it really doesn't matter if you are shat and puked upon relentlessly, it's just another arrangement of atoms.

/3 You cannot win a struggle of will with a small child any more than you can win the war in Vietnam. You will lose by attrition.

You can, however, distract them, redirect them, overthrow their lawfully elected governments of stuffed animals, etc.

/4 Get to know your kids' friends from an early age, treat them and their parents well, cultivate mutual trust with them. They will be there when your kid goes through bad times.

/5 You will be frequently and forcibly reminded that you don't know what you're doing. Nobody does. We're all making it up as we go along. The perfect parents are hitting the cooking sherry when you're not looking.

/6 Someday you will derive hours of enjoyment mocking your naive current beliefs about what you will or won't ever do raising kids.

"Oh, we'll never let the kid eat in the car, we'll never use the tv to pacify the kid, hur hur hur hur."

/7 Whoever came up with counting to ten knew their shit. Kids can push all your buttons. Come up with your own "count to ten" to use when they're infuriating you, before you speak or act. Have several of different lengths. Teens require substantially longer counts.

/8 Buy, as early as possible, duplicates of the cherished blanket/stuffed animal/etc. that is their comfort object. Wash the duplicates with clothes occasionally to simulate wear and odor.