On Positive Masculinity

A single universal masculinity does not exist. Multiple masculinities exist within complex contexts of multiple traditions and multiple modernities. Within one culture, masculinity evolves with time due to various factors. (A THREAD) #PositiveMasculinity

Any attempt to guide a man on the algebra and calculus of masculinity should have the objective of guiding him not only about masculinity within his immediate culture but making him aware that he will encounter other masculinities and how he should navigate these new encounters.

Our masculinities are shaped by many factors revolving around nature and nurture: things we are told about within our families, things we see men and women doing in our families, things we are reported to that men and women used to do; things we see on TV; our own inventions etc.

I would therefore like to share with you a summary of what I personally believe is positive masculinity. A disclaimer: these are reflections from my own experiences. Therefore, as you read them, remember that I do not claim to be the custodian of all knowledge about masculinity.

Positive masculinity is investing your time as a man to seek meaningful knowledge within and beyond your culture, within and beyond your geography and within and beyond your spirituality so as to positively and adequately nurture your soul and body. #PositiveMasculinity

Positive masculinity is ensuring that, as a man, you always dignify fellow human beings during every encounter in private spaces and places and in public spaces and places. Fellow human beings are those people you know and those people that you do not know. #PositiveMasculinity

Positive masculinity is, you, as a man, training your spirit to respect women deeply. Deeply, as if every woman you encounter is a reflection of either your grandmother, mother or your sister. That instinct made of stealth you apply to protect either of them, apply to all women.

Positive masculinity is, you, as a man, training your spirit to respect men deeply. Deeply, as if every man you encounter is a reflection of either your grandfather, father or your brother. That instinct made of stealth you apply to protect either of them, apply to all men too.

Positive masculinity is getting into a relationship with a woman for the joy of romance. It is appreciating that both of you are absolutely different in so many ways and hence, talking with each other honestly about yourselves, your histories, likes and dislikes is the main key.

Positive masculinity views sex as a dialogue between souls. Talk to her. Ask her what she likes. Tell her what you like. Ask if she would like to try out new things. Find ways of ensuring you both have good orgasms. Don't treat her as a laboratory for your experimentation.

Positive masculinity is acknowledging that despite societal gender roles, you, as a man, can participate in any roles to ensure the dignity, safety and continuity of your parents, family, siblings, your wife, your wife's family, the family you create with her i.e your bloodline.

Positive masculinity is acknowledging that, as a man, you have the power to create and in equal measure, to destroy, yet, because you tune your masculinity towards positivity, you insist on creating, not destroying. Yet, if you must, your instinct will tell you when to destroy.

Positive masculinity is not militarism in relating with women. If you seek militarism, join the army of your country. Then look yourself in the mirror, when you finally realise that even in the military, humanity and dignity exist, even in deadly combat. #PositiveMasculinity

Positive masculinity is not treating women as an object of anthropological study claiming that because she dresses in a certain manner she is this or that. Positive masculinity is spending your time, if interested, in getting to know her before making any of your conclusions.

Positive masculinity is accepting that in case a romantic relationship with your woman is not working out, it is not only her fault. Examine and reexamine your role in the situation that you both find yourselves in. Do not blame her for everything and don't take all blame either.

Positive masculinity is not a preserve of men only. Positive masculinity can be passed on by women too e.g. when women pass on family histories through orality i.e. family memories shared during dinner or phone calls about how grandfather or father used to do things while alive.

Positive masculinity is taking responsibility for your family. Be a good example to your children. Take care of your children. Spend quality smartphoneless time with your children. Yes, as a man, cook for and with them. Give their mother a break to have her quality me-time too.

Positive masculinity is appreciating the freedom of worship. Some say there is a God. Others say they is no God. None of them is right. None of them is wrong. Mind your own business and love your neighbour. Go home and love your family. Be kind to refugees. Help them if you can.

Positive masculinity is lifting other men up. It is making time for another man whether, family, friend, neighbour or stranger to spare a moment to talk about whatever might be aching them. Positive masculinity is knowing that sharing how you feel with another person is therapy.

Positive masculinity is accepting that a man is a human being. Real men show emotions. They laugh. And what else? They cry. You see them cry during Champions League and when talking about family (Barack Obama). So, yes, cry. Let those tears leave your body. You are a real hu-man.

Positive masculinity is being in touch with your mortality. It is knowing that one day, a few people, or many people will stand besides your grave and lower your body six feet deep into the ground, or spread your ashes somewhere. May they find positive things to say. Stay humble.

Did you enjoy reading this thread? If yes, please help me support a dear friend who helps young girls achieve menstrual hygiene and health. Please send however little or much that you can to the till number below. She is also on Twitter @ MissKwegah1. New +vety thread soon. Tx.