This is the last time it will be addressed on this page because honestly, most of the people making this argument are teenagers who haven't actually had toxic relationships yet. And we love MerDer and old Grey's more than the trash it currently is.

1. If you're going to defend every shit thing Meredith's current boy of the minute has done because he's mentally ill, then you have to admit that a lot of the bad things Derek did was due to undiagnosed depression and PTSD. When his dad was killed, child therapy was not common

So he probably went through that trauma very much alone. It set him up for YEARS of PTSD and depression. Meredith trying to kill herself triggered him. Jen's death very clearly triggered a severe depressive episode.

2. Mental illness is an explanation for bad things done but not an excuse. Women leave mentally ill men all the time because men present with violence and anger. A woman who leaves a soldier with severe PTSD is not a bad woman. Women who leave alcoholics are not bad women.

3. If you are with a person who is mentally ill, they do not take precedence over your own boundaries or mental health, nor do they take precedence over your children's safety and well being. I am saying this as a person with a litany of mental health issues.

4. It is not "breaking the stigma" to force a woman with three young children who lost their father at a young age to stay with a mentally ill person who shows violent and angry tendencies. Especially one who does not want help. That situation is volatile.

5. It is not romantic to stay with a partner who is volatile. It is not romantic to take that on if it sets up a potentially bad situation for yourself or your children. That is the actual definition of a toxic relationship.

6. Mentally ill people do not get a pass. I have to take responsibility for my behaviors and the consequences of those behaviors every single day. I do not get to hurt people and then shrug and say, "Oh well, I'm sick."

I take responsibility by going to therapy to learn how to deal with my mental illnesses. I learn how to communicate boundaries that I need due to them. I learn coping mechanisms that do not involve hurting people.

Taking responsibility also involves medication.

7. Many of you are very young. In fact, these days, we feel positively ancient on this bird site. A couple fighting is not toxic. A couple working on balance is not toxic. Toxic IS one part of that couple deciding they are the sun and never have to bend.

But by your definition of toxic, every relationships I know of is toxic. I pray none of you are actually in toxic relationships, though judging by what you accept in a ship, I fear you will accept volatility as a symbol of romanticism.

That's part of growing up. Every adult I know of has at least one toxic relationship under our belts. It's how we recognize red flags. It's how we have learned what is acceptable and what isn't.

Coming from two women in their mid 30s, please believe us when we say we don't view MerDer as toxic because of our life experiences. We do view Meredith and this boy of the minute as toxic because of those same experiences.

Please also accept this from a woman who has had severe mental health issues for twenty-eight years, NO ONE is required to stay with a person who hurts them emotionally or mentally. No one is a bad person for deciding not to take on a person who is not mentally stable.

I have been dumped for that reason and yes, it sucked, but it also had to happen because I was dragging that person down, into my scary fucked up world, and no one deserves that. Neurotypical people deserve to stay that way, and they deserve boundaries too.

I'm really not going to argue with anyone. I'm just asking you guys to let people love what they love because MerDer got us through a lot. Through emotional breakdowns and suicide attempts and toxic relationships. Just leave us be.