tw/cw thoughts abt cancer

he must've been in so much pain. he carried that for 4 years and had to do all the things he did. im reminded of how my mom was powering through her own body starting to fail, and she just kept going even when she was in so much pain and experiencing --

-- so much exhaustion but none of us really knew why until it was too late. her moods swung wildly, she got tired quicker, she slept a little longer than before. The day she was diagnosed with cancer, it was because she had checked herself into the hospital for a check-up --

-- because she was unbelievably tired and sick and didnt know why. And then we lost her 6 weeks later. We'll never know how long she was actually sick for - she was probably well past the point of help when we got her diagnosis. But Chadwick Boseman knew, and he just --

-- soldiered on. he endured so much. He'll be a legend and an inspiration. That being said, i think he wouldnt want anyone to have to go through what he did or have to do what he did. It's not easy to power through cancer even WITHOUT all the other things he was doing for his --

-- career. He fought bravely but also he definitely got help if and when he could. Maybe that helped make his fight easier in places.

I dont really know what im trying to say here. It's a very great loss, and what he went through was extraordinary, but let's also just be careful not to end up glorifying powering through suffering, i dont think that's the lesson he'd want us to take away from his experience.

I might delete this thread later, it might not be appropriate, but just...from personal experience, im mostly saddened that he had to fight cancer while furthering his career to the heights that he did, and im a little reticent to call it strength outright not because he wasnt --

-- strong, he was, clearly, but because no one should have to do that. He shouldnt have had to do that. My mom shouldnt have had to do that. Cancer is a fucking villain.

im rambling, im sorry. it's just...a very OOF time, and i have very OOF emotions.