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alright let's talk about rejection sensitivity dysphoria and parasocial relationships (a thread) 1/?
so! i have RSD. it's a particularly vicious aspect of my adhd bc it sends me into a tailspin everytime. one of my big RSD symptoms is panic attacks. sucks.
sometimes my RSD is triggered by people i have a parasocial relationship to and here's why that sucks more than normal 2/?
sometimes my RSD is triggered by people i have a parasocial relationship to and here's why that sucks more than normal 2/?
when my RSD is triggered by loved ones i have an easier time convincing myself that what i'm feeling is irrational. i KNOW that they love me and care about me even if that's not what i'm feeling at the time.
the thing with parasocial relationships is that assurance isn't there.
the thing with parasocial relationships is that assurance isn't there.
and it shouldn't be!! parasocial relationships should be distanced!! frankly, content creators SHOULDN'T care about and love me. there's a distance that is necessary there.
i don't WANT to be that close to content creators i truly ADMIRE. i need that distance so i can enjoy their content.
this might not be true for everyone but it's true for me. 5/?
this might not be true for everyone but it's true for me. 5/?
SO the thing about RSD is that, at least for me, when it's triggered it's Devastating.
when it's triggered by a content creator i have a parasocial relationship with? it's somehow worse. 6/?
when it's triggered by a content creator i have a parasocial relationship with? it's somehow worse. 6/?
KEEP IN MIND:
this is no one's fault. RSD is about MY perceptions and MY perceived rejections. in no way is the content creator at fault. i want that stressed so badly. 7/?
this is no one's fault. RSD is about MY perceptions and MY perceived rejections. in no way is the content creator at fault. i want that stressed so badly. 7/?
BUT. when a content creator triggers (and i don't use the word trigger lightly) my RSD i run through a gamut of brain bullshit.
it's usually like this: a person i have a parasocial relationship with makes fun of something i care about/worry about. 8/?
it's usually like this: a person i have a parasocial relationship with makes fun of something i care about/worry about. 8/?
my brain interprets that mocking as a personal rejection even though it is so clearly and rationally NOT.
my brain is convinced that i am bad or wrong or cringy or dirty or hated. 9/?
my brain is convinced that i am bad or wrong or cringy or dirty or hated. 9/?
once again NONE of this is personal. the content creator has done NOTHING wrong. they've expressed an opinion. i CANNOT fault them that!! 10/?
the thing that SUCKS is that i'm so convinced that this person, who does not know me, who i don't actually know, who should not impact my opinion of myself, HATES me that i then become convinced that i can no longer interact with their content. 11/?
this is IRRATIONAL. i KNOW it is. the argument that it's irrational usually makes me feel worse!!!
keep in mind that i'm usually coming to these conclusions while having a complete crying, on the verge of a panic attack, meltdown. 12/?
keep in mind that i'm usually coming to these conclusions while having a complete crying, on the verge of a panic attack, meltdown. 12/?
this has happened untold times to me across so many media platforms. there are podcasters, vloggers, writers, and artists who have no idea who i am.
my brain is convinced that they hate me and bc "they hate me" i'm convinced that i'm not allowed to interact with their content.
my brain is convinced that they hate me and bc "they hate me" i'm convinced that i'm not allowed to interact with their content.
it sucks!! no one is at fault!!
i'm not sure i have anything smart to wrap this up i just think it sucks and it's kind of interesting that parasocial relationships both exacerbate (at least my) RSD and also MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE about why it can be taken so personally. 14/14
i'm not sure i have anything smart to wrap this up i just think it sucks and it's kind of interesting that parasocial relationships both exacerbate (at least my) RSD and also MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE about why it can be taken so personally. 14/14
wait another thing. this isn't to say i can't become friends with ppl who create content!! i love my friends who create content. there's a difference tho between that and Content Creators. i hope that makes sense ugh 
15/14
15/14
