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The past couple of weeks have been... harrowing. I've had friendships that haven't worked out before, but this is on a whole other level. I've had to re-evaluate almost every aspect of my life and my self because of their influence.
They pushed me to be meaner to people important to me. Convinced me to bully people they wanted to de-platform. Of course my actions are still my own and I take responsibility for them, but i would not have done these things were it not for them.
Friends I'd trusted so much turned on a dime, insulting me in front of other close friends, calling me "fucked up" because i couldnt trust someone who had hurt and betrayed me. And to some degree I believed them, because of the people I let them talk me into hurting.
One of those people has been willing to resolve things, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. But another can hardly even look at me anymore. And I can't blame them for it. I was awful to them. Those people who I thought cared abt me, they made me a worse person.
I guess I dont really have a point to this thread. I've just come to the conclusion that I will not be silent about how Ive been hurt.
That being said, if you dont know what I'm talking about, I wont name names. Not out out of respect for them, as they have burned out the last of my good will, but for the safety of the numerous others they also manipulated and hurt.
I'll be better eventually. I have a wonderful support group. But god things have been hard
