Whatever you do, don’t think about fresh out of high school, national team,established atsukage being all lovey dicey with each other during practice.

Don’t think how they are so madly in love with each other, they flirting across the net during scrimmages when they’re opponents

Don’t think about how they started dating during Tobio’s first year of high school, how they somehow managed to overcome the long distance, the tiresome train rides, the big blowups of frustration because they couldn’t see each other, only for them to make up and stay close.

Don’t think how right after the Rio Olympic and nearly four years of dating, Atsumu proposed to Tobio on the grand stage- during a match between their respective teams.

Don’t think about how Tobio, eyes watery and shinning with love, leaps into Atsumu’s arms, a whispered yes.

Especially don’t think about how Schweiden Adler’s jersey 21 changes their name from KAGEYAMA to MIYA

Miya Tobio, that is.

Don’t think about how their wedding is glamorous in their own right. Perhaps instead of chandeliers and millions of guests, they invite those who are closest and dear to them, slow dancing under the stars instead of ornate crystal instead.

Don’t think about how their first year of marriage is their honeymoon phase: with them pursuing what they love in their careers, staying together under one roof, waking up to morning kisses, and staying late due to making love.

Don’t even start to think how this starts to break apart once their second year comes. Don’t think about how their honeymoon phase ends, leaving them to deal with the harsh edges of reality.

Don’t think about how Atsumu starts to get up in the morning alone, in a cold bed because Tobio’s got his early morning run to complete, and right after that his team practice.

Don’t think about how Tobio starts staying up late in the night for Atsumu to come back, how after the BJ’s practice they usually go drinking together, a routine which Atsunu found himself missing.

Don’t think about how they try to convince themselves that it’s nothing they couldn’t handle. That it was just unfortunate that their schedules didn’t match, and that they couldn’t see each other as often.

Don’t think how they try their best to make up for it at night, their passions ignited and affection spilling over the mattress, making love the best way they knew how outside of volleyball.

Don’t think about how eventually, maki love turns into fucking- and how their passions couldn’t even ignite a match stick if they tried.

^*making

Don’t think about how Atsumu gets used to making up alone in the morning, no longer bothered by the fact he doesn’t see Tobio as much anymore. How it’s become normal for him to wake up to an empty room, empty kitchen, and an empty apartment throughout.

Don’t think about how Tobio’s given up on trying to stay awake for Atsumu to come home,how he’s able to sleep alone without the presence his husband by his side,his only reminder he has one being the short “Gn!” texts Atsumu sometimes sends when he knows he’ll be coming home late

Don’t think about the both of them start to realize how tiring this routine was starting to become, how they wished to see each other more often than just at late night.

Don’t think how they are both unable to communicate this, so they sit in silence, the tension building up.

Don’t think about how during one of the rare nights they can have dinner together, Atsugi suddenly slams his chopsticks on the table groaning in frustration.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Tobio-kun. We’re married, yet I feel like we’re just distant roommates instead.”

^*Atsumu

Tobio merely puts his chopsticks down, glancing sadly at Atsumu as he gives him a tired smile.

“Yeah, I know.”

Don’t think about Tobio’s admission makes Atsumu’s mind go into overdrive, thoughts swirling in his head.

“So does that mean you wanna leave me?” He asks carefully.

Tobio, having sensed Atsumu’s train of thoughts, is quick to reassure his husband.

“What the fuck? Of course not! I want to be with you, Atsumu! I-I’m just not sure how....” Tobio’s voice trails off, leading to a tense silence.

It’s Atsumu who breaks the silence once more, asking the question that’s been weighing heavily on both their minds.

“So then what do you want to do? What are WE going to do?”

It’s raining outside, and the weather is frigid, but Atsumu’s words, his determination to make this relationship work, makes Tobio feel so, so warm.

“We,” Tobio looks straight into Atsumu’s eyes. “Are going to find a way to make this work.”

He grabs ahold of Atsumu’s hand, squeezing it tight.

Atsumu relays Tobio’s words in his head.

“We are going to make this work.”

Especially, don’t think about how it doesn’t.

Don’t think about how they try their best, they really do. Don’t think how Tobio moves around his schedule to wait until the very last minute to go on his *now shorter* runs in the morning, or how Atsumu tries his best to come home immediately after practice.

Don’t think about how they try their best to meet each other at any possible time, try to get to know each other outside of their bedroom and the court in ways the might’ve not known during the four years of dating prior.

Don’t think about how Tobio learns that Atsumu’s also as good of a cool as his twin, or how Atsumu learns that Tobio has the capability to speak multiple languages- just not English.

Don’t think about how this system works for most of their second year, leaving them happier than how it was before- now that they knew each other better.

Don’t think about how this sisters starts to fall apart later, how they not only get to know the good parts of their partners, but also ugly sides that fear its heads.

Don’t think about how Tobio has severe abandonment issues- how every night Atsumu does come home late (occasionally now) he stays up, petrified if he doesn’t hear the door open, the familiar pitter-patter of Atsumu’s footsteps.

Don’t think about the kneading insecurities Atsumu hides behind his easy-going, confident facade- the way some night, when he’s drank or thought too little, he wonders if Tobio could’ve been with someone better. Maybe at Argentinean setter he keeps on talking about-

^*gnawing

Don’t think about how even though they see each other more, they don’t talk about their issues, their problems, their insecurities- until one day, eventually everything blows up in their faces.

It’s the MSBY vs Adlers home game, and Hinata Shouyou is back from Brazil.

“Tobio-kun. Wouldja mind not pickin’ a fight with MY wing spiker? Hmm?”

Atsumu smirked. Tobio, baffles at the remark replies:

“I didn’t pick a fight with him. He picked one with me.”

The tension is palpable between them, and it’s not entirely sure if it’s purely related to volleyball anymore.

Hinata laughs nervously. “Now guys, don’t put me in between your lover’s spat. I’m innocent here-“

“HINATA SHOUYOU!”

Luckily, Hoshiumi Kourai comes to the rescue.

Don’t think about how during the game, Atsumu sees Tobio the most excited he’s ever been, how with the just the mere presence of Hinata, as an opponent, Tobio’s playing as though it was just the two of them, everyone else just mere spectators.

Don’t think about how when Atsumu looks at Tobio and Hinata, there’s an uneasy feeling churning in his gut, the way Hinata stared at Tobio much to alike to his own glances at his husband.

The minute the game’s over, Atsumu heads straight to the locker room, waiting outside the Adler’s one for Tobio.

He’s just won a game against them, against his husband’s team- a team which they hadn’t drafted for god knows how long.!

And yet Tobio’s first reaction was to meet Hinata, shake his hand, and say: “You’re here.” In the most spellbound voice.

Don’t think about how in that moment, Atsumu wanted to scream, “But I was always here!”

Instead he turned around, his best course of action being not to say anything at all.

Perhaps it’s just the built up paranoia building on him. Maybe it was because how now that Atsumu had Tobio closet to him than ever before, he became even more scared to lose him.

Jealousy was a disgusting creature in which Atsumu never thought he’d have to face.

But then again, never had he ever thought he’d be so close to Tobio either.

Don’t think about how Atsumu asks Tobio a question later that night while they’re making dinner.

“Have you ever had any feelings for Shouyou-kun?”

Tobio stops chopping the knife, confusion seeping through him.

“What?”

Don’t think about how patient Atsumu looked, though his hands were trembling, slightly, behind his back.

“I said, did you ever have any feelings for Shouyou-kun?”

Tobio was flabbergasted, until realization dawned, understanding the implications Atsumu meant.

Tobio’s hands were trembling too now, but this was out of anger, not nervousness.

He wields towards Atsumu, “Are you asking if I cheated on you?! Are you insane?”

Atsumu was riled up too now, all patience and restraint disappearing as the ugly sides of them took the reins.

“Yeah, well what if I am! I saw the way you guys kept looking at each other, I saw that. You know how it feels when your own husband looks at someone else with more awe than yourself? Do you?”

Tobio flares up. “It’s been nearly THREE goddamn years since we’ve met in person! He’s improved so much, of course I was shocked!”

Tobio turned around and glared.

“And to answer your question, no, there was nothing between and won’t ever be! Now can you sleep in peace?”

Tobio let out an irritated sigh. Atsumu, his mind now clear as shame frowned him completely.

Perhaps, in another universe, Atsumu would’ve apologized, and Tobio would’ve huffed,then grudgingly accept, seeing as how it would probably be the first and last time this would happen.

Perhaps, in another timeline, after Atsumu apologized, they would both open up about their fears, their insecurities, about how Tobio’s afraid that Atsumu would leave him someday, or how Atsumu fears Tobio will see him for his true worth, and find someone better.

Perhaps in another life, they would be able to freely how their jagged edges and sharp corners without shame, finding the missing pieces of each other.

But then Tobio opens his mouth, vengeance, revenge, and hurt marring his clarity of thought.

“I cant believe you thought I was cheating? What about you then? Where have you been all those nights out? How do I know you’ve been faithful?”

Atsumu’s blood runs cold. He really should’ve expected a rebuttal, after all Tobio’s not known for being stubborn for nothing, however the accusation, regardless of how false or how Tobio probably never mean it, hurt so much.

Don’t think about how Atsumu understood how Tobio felt when he put Tobio in that same position just seconds ago.

Warped in rage, however, Atsumu is unable to recognize anything clearly, his defensiveness acting up as a shield from Tobio’s words, which also largeness the crack between the two of them for good.

“Are ya fucking kidding me?”

“I don’t go out with my team as much as I want to just for you,and you think I could’ve been cheating on you? With who, goddamn!” Atsumu slammer a fist against the table, jarring Tobio.“Tell me who in the fucking world do ya think I’m cheating with, huh?”

Atsumu took a step back

“I think I should go.” Atsumu breathes out.

Atsumu only meant that he would go away for a couple hours. Go for a walk in the park, or perhaps his brother’s place, or even to the empty, unused unit in the MSBY apartment complex. That, once given time, he would come back.

What Tobio hears instead is: I’ve finally had enough of you.I’m going to leave and never come back because I can’t take this anymore.This relationship is over.

Fear kicks in,and Tobio is merely a slave to its control.

It’s better to hurt someone else before they hurt you,right?

“No need. I’ll leave instead. You can stay in the apartment.” Tobio’s now brushing last Atsumu, going to their room to pack his stuff.

Bewildered by Tobio’s actions, Atsumu asks: “What are ya doing?” Tobio’s raiding their closet, throwing anything and everything he could find.

Tobio closes the suitcase. “I’ll come tomorrow to pick everything else. I’ll be staying with Miwa-nee for now.” Then hesitantly. “How do you want to handle this?”

“Handle what?!” Atsumu blew up. “What the heck is going on? Why are you leaving?”

Steeling his mind, Tobio speaks.

“I’m saying, how do you want to do the divorce? You wanted to leave, remember?”

Atsumu draws a blank. This was it. Tobio had finally seen what kind of monster he was outside the volleyball court and couldn’t take it no longer.

Don’t think about how Atsumu is quiet in this moment, how mentally, he’s already resigned and given up, willing to do anything Tobio asks for.

Even if it meant divorce.

Still, it didn’t change the fact that it made his stomach flip, or his throat feel lumpy.

Don’t think about how he gazed down, unable to meet Tobio’s eyes. But had he actually looked, he’d see the tears shining in them, too heavy too blink back.

A heavy sigh. Perhaps they weren’t meant for each other, despite being together for over six years. “Any way you want it, Tobio. Any way.”

From his peripheral vision, he could see Tobio nod stiffly, before turning in his heel and leaving, slamming the door behind him.

When the next morning comes for Tobio to pick up the rest of his stuff, Atsumu is no longer there. Every trace of him gone from the apartment they lived in together since they got married.

It’s been over three years since then, Tobio couldn’t help but remember.

Tobio’s walking through the place quietly, taking his time to pack his things neatly, biting his wobbly lips to hold back the choked sobs leaving his throat.

Tobio thought there was no trace of Atsumu in the apartment left, that is until he passed the kitchen.

There, on the granite countertop, layer a single, golden ring, an assortment of diamonds decorated on it.

His wedding ring, Tobio faintly realized.

It was then he could no longer suppress his emotions back, the wrenching sobs and body wracking cries leaving him.

Tobio allows himself to mourn for his lost love, for his lost marriage, for his Atsumu, because he didn’t spend six years of being with the one he thought was his true love, only for him not to be able to cry once everything ended.

Don’t think about how when Tobio leaves the apartment, there’s two identical rings left in the countertop of what used to be their kitchen.

Don’t think about how they don’t meet each other for the divorce, the paper work being done single handedly through the mail. Don’t think about how immediately once it’s done, Tobio leaves for Italy, and Atsumu stays back in Japan.

Don’t think about how they don’t see each other after that,the both of them silently healing in solitude as they try to go forward with their lives.

Don’t think about how the next time they meet,it’s for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics,where they’ll have to be on the same team once more

Don’t think about how at their first practice together, the don’t look each other in the eye, but slyly observe the other when possible.

Both think the other looks better without them, not knowing the hidden storm of despair within them.

Don’t think about how when the jerseys arrive, and everyone is excited to try them on, there’s a twinge in Atsumu’s heart as he looks at Tobio’s broad back, proudly displaying the number 9 on the back of his jersey.

Don’t think about how much it hurts him to see the name “Kageyama” emblazoned in thick font, instead of the surname “Miya”.

Don’t think about how Atsumu finally realizes:

“He’s no longer mine.”

~Fin.~