The Thanksgiving I was 37, I was dating a 45 year old guy, and my sister (who was 33) was dating the 25 year old son of the guy I was dating.

Partway through Thanksgiving dinner, my dad got up, went outside and mowed my sister's yard to calm himself down.

Thanksgiving Eve, the son and I got drunk and commiserated about how the dad was emotionally unavailable, while my sister did the Thanksgiving meal prep.

At that time the dad had not confirmed to either of us whether he would join us for Thanksgiving because, "I'm not a planner; I'm spontaneous."

"What the fuck does that even mean?" asked the son.

"I don't know, but I sure seem to pick men like that," I said, with my mouth full of Fritos and French Onion Dip.

The son & I were hungover the next morning at my sister's house. The dad texted her, the son, and me that he was joining. She woke us up.

The son shrieked, "Look at us, we're clearly hungover, we've got to get READY!"

I knocked him out of the way to get in the bathroom first.

A week after Thanksgiving, the dad decided he needed space, to which I replied you could have told me that before you met my dad who now gets to be right. So we broke up.

Next time at the nail salon, the nail tech guy said, snarkily, "where's your man?'

My sister:

Me: We broke up.

Nail Tech Guy: Good. I don't like him. He was too old & ugly for you, his motorcycle jacket was stupid & he was here for 20 minutes while you got your nails done & didn't go to the register to surprise you by paying like every GOOD boyfriend that comes in does.

My favorite memory of the 25 y.o. son (who was hot but not smart) was him sitting on the couch with my 11 year old son watching a grown up stand-up comedy show.

It would go:

Joke.

My son laugh.

25 lean over & whisper to my son.

My son explain the joke.

25 y.o. laugh.

When I asked my sister how she could deal with him being stupid, she said, "He fucks like a champ," and took a long drag off her cigarette.

One time, we were all in the car going somewhere. We had to stop and the 25 y.o. guy change a flat. As he crouched down to do so, he said, "I should have taken that dump before I left the house."

My sister said, "Finish your laughing fit before we all get back in the car."

I stopped laughing. We got in the car. 25 y.o. guy gets back in, and says, "Hey, did I ever tell y'all about that time I ran over myself with my own car?"

Me:

He was doing his own oil change on a slope with the car in neutral, and the car rolled over him.

I met the 25 y.o. at a party. He said he had his own travel trailer (parked nearby) & he was looking for a friend with benefits. (This was back when people said that stuff IRL instead of in DM's)

Pointing to my sister, I said, "there's the right sister for you to say that to."

A few weeks later, I met up with my sister and him at a bar. Walking in, he said, "that looks like my dad's truck."

Sure enough, it was.

He introduced me to his dad.

And it was happily never after from there.

If this story becomes an original streaming series, I would like it to be called:

How I Met His Father

My dad mowing the lawn during dinner.

The night of the I need space breakup, I was supposed to be cooking him dinner of chicken and rice. He didn't like carrots and peas, but I only had steam in bag rice with peas and carrots. So I was using a fork to pick out the peas and carrots when he called about needing space.

I called my sister crying. She came over. Later she said, "the saddest thing I've ever seen is you crying while picking peas and carrots out of steamed rice 20 minutes after you knew the man you were picking them out for wasn't coming. You were like Delta Dawn with her suitcase."

Me: You know I have OCD tendencies &couldn't stop until it was done.

Sister: That's why I helped you finish. Also I don't like peas & carrots & wanted chicken & rice since it was already cooked.

Then we sang a little Tanya Tucker's Delta Dawn what's that flower you have on

Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? & did I hear you say he was meeting you here today To take you to his mansion in the sky?
All the folks round Brownsville say she's crazy Cause she walks dowtown with a suitcase in her hand
Looking for a mysterious dark-haired man

We were not like peas and carrots.

Delta Dawn on YouTube with Lyrics.

My sister was not exclusively seeing the 25 y.o. You know how cougars gonna coug.

She told 25 y.o. & a DIFFERENT guy (her age) she was helping me move. The dad feeling guilty about the breakup sent his son the 25 y.o. over to help my sister help me move & THE 2ND GUY SHOWS UP.

I don't know if this is turning into a polyamorous story per se, but it definitely got poly- humourous.

2ND GUY shows up on his brand new Harley, which my sister is chomping at the bit to ride but can't let on. I go in the house among the mess, pour liquor in a Disney princess cup and come sit on the curb to watch the show.

My sister said I would treat them both to lunch for helping, which I had said, but I meant two different days another time so we weren't all at the table together.

Because it wasn't entirely clear the young guy wasn't there for me, because when 2ND GUY got there 25 y.o. was carrying my full size overstuffed couch up the stairs BY HIMSELF.

But no, we all get in one car and ride to the restaurant. I played O.P.P. in the cd player.

At lunch, they both figure it out. We get back, 2ND GUY offers me a ride on the new Harley.

My sister says she wants to go for a ride.

25 y.o. says to 2ND GUY about his leather Harley vest: Dude that vest adds like 50 pounds on you, which you don't have room for.

Me:

Except it turned out 25 had not entirely figured it out. He just thought 2ND GUY was "too flirty".

"Don't you think he was too flirty," he said, carrying a heavy table by himself.

Me: "You're very strong."

25 y.o.: "Thank you."

And that was that.

25 y.o. one time smoked pot and put my groceries up for me while my sister and I were getting ready to go out. My pantry was fucked up for a month. He didn't even put like things together. Just stacked things in there willy nilly. Pot is a gateway drug to a fucked up pantry.

I ran into the Dad at the convenience store today. First time I'd seen him in 12 years. That motherfucker is lucky we weren't near any canned peas or carrots, because I would have needed bail money. Instead, upon realizing it was him - I backed out of the aisle before he saw me.

The mask made it hard to tell who it was at first, but you know how your old mistakes give off an energy. Something told me:

Then I came home and tweeted this. And I have laughed so hard.

It was a pre Halloween to right after Thanksgiving short term thing, so I don't have as many stories as I do about the son who was around 6 to 9 months.

But on one date, I was in the bathroom finishing getting ready. The Dad, who I was dating, knocked on the door and said, "pinch it off, let's go."

I loaned the young guy a little shelf. After he and my sister broke up, we went to get it, at his Dad's. My sister walks out with the Dad and the shelf, and I, having had a couple of the Presidente margaritas at Chili's, yell, "Did you tell him what I said?"

My sister is struggling a bit with the shelf but insisting she can carry it and he doesn't need to help. She forbade me to get out of the car.

Me: DID YOU TELL HIM WHAT I SAID?

Her: Yes

Me: DID SHE?

Him: She told me you said I'm a mother fucker.

Me: PERFECT. Let him help.

At that Thanksgiving dinner, I can't remember if we were watching Pineapple Express or if the Dad just kept quoting lines from it at the table. He was clearly no big loss, but it was the holidays and almost my birthday so I was like holiday boyfriend .

12 years later I'm single & ready to eat some Pringles.

Take that dump before you leave the house.

Put the car in park & the emergency brake on if you change your oil.

If the son is too big an idiot to date, don't date the dad who raised him.

Peace, Love, & Pinch It Off.

P.S. The 25 y.o. got his travel trailer repossessed and had to move back in with his dad.

I am so glad people have enjoyed this. Another 25 y.o. story. Out at a bar with my sister, him, and other friends. 25 y.o. drunk and coming up to any guy who talked to me saying, "You treat my sister good, you hear me." Which you know men love to hear that.

Told my sister to get him reined in. She said, "He's being sweet." I said, "He's making me have to pay for my own drinks. It's a fucking crisis."

He was meaning to say "my girlfriend's sister" but kept saying my sister. Sometimes he would add, "My dad was terrible to her," which made it sound like our mutual father did something to me.

My mother never knew his correct name for some reason. But he just let her call him the name that was similar to his but not correct. Fuck. Maybe HE didn't know his correct name.

When my sister was dating the 25 y.o., who was 8 years younger than her, my dad took joy in periodically asking her, "Do you remember when you were 7 and we [*insert random made up thing*]?" When she would inevitably have to say no, he would say, "Neither does your boyfriend.'

It was funny every time.

For years, if my sister or I had to stop somewhere to go to the bathroom, we'd say, "I should have taken that dump before I left the house."

It was funny every time.

THIS is the Pineapple Express scene the Dad was describing during Thanksgiving dinner. The "fuck you in the street" scene.

My dad when the guy I was dating was describing the Pineapple Express scene:

We played a domino game that if things went wrong, you might have to draw a bunch of dominoes, messing up your score. The guy I was dating suggested limiting the number of dominoes drawn to "make it more fair" and got a majority to take his side. My competitive dad's face:

The dominoes were after the mowing during the meal.

How the mowing started was we were just sitting at the table thinking my dad had gone to get some dessert for himself and heard the mower start up.

"Is that the mower? Is somebody mowing? Who's mowing on Thanksgiving?"

Then my sister and I saw him go by the window on the mower.

My sister: let's just close some blinds, we're getting a glare.

For anyone wondering, this Thanksgiving will be potluck. Bring a hot guy, his dad, and a dish.

For those on Team25, he was lovable fun, while he lasted. He turned out to ultimately handle relationships a lot like his daddy, though. Looked him up on FB today. Seems to be doing well living across the country. (He's currently 37, the age I was then.) Has some troubling views.

Scrolling the FB of 25 (who is now 37):

He is still:

I do still look back on 25 nostalgically. He was always unintentionally entertaining.

One time 25 was hanging out at my house while my sister and I went shopping. He smoked pot and cooked pancakes, and there was pancake mix powder, batter and syrup all over the kitchen. Worse than any mess my kids ever left.

25 making pancakes while high.

About 2 a.m. this morning, my grown son (who was the 10 y.o. explaining stand-up comedy to 25) told me:

"Your tweet about Thanksgiving is on Reddit under White People Twitter."

My son's Reddit comment:

"I'm not lying when I say this is my mom's Twitter and now I have to go tell her I saw her twitter on Reddit."

It's my goal to track down any person who was unhappy about this thread, tell them I love them, and see if my dad will mow their grass.

Namaste.