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I think the truest proof that fanpol / anti types who demand either completely sanitized or constant hyper-critical media consumption are the poorest representatives of their pathetic cause is my own character arc as a consumer of media & a fandom participant in the past 6 years.
In 2014, which is about the first time I can remember seeing someone barf up the sour take that one& #39;s enjoyment of problematique characters should be considered suspect if one did not continuously interrupt said enjoyment with self-flagellating reminders of their fave& #39;s misdeeds-
-my response to seeing this position - and seeing it AGREED WITH - was this cold sinking worry NOT that I was a bad person for enjoying & #39;bad& #39; characters, but that I was a BAD ENGLISH LIT MAJOR for not consuming my media & #39;correctly& #39;...
I tried to play along, I really did, but it SUCKED. It made liking my favorite stories & my favorite characters in them not fun, which turned me away from those stories & characters - because if the things I liked weren& #39;t fun anymore, then I should find different things to like.
So I did... and for a little while the high of not feeling scrutinized by others for unapologetically enjoying & #39;bad& #39; things, or scrutinized by myself for critically enjoying & #39;bad& #39; things was such a rush that I actually GENUINELY became invested in - shudder - heroes.
And then... after a couple years of that... a villain showed up. In the fandom I was invested in at the time. A deep-cutting, soul-clawing, exhuming the still-horny corpse of my edgy 14-year-old fangirl self and let me tell you I was HEAD OVER HEELS again.
And I was so out of practice by this point with the ritual of questioning my enjoyment - because I had had fallen into the rut of only enjoying squeaky-clean & #39;good& #39; things - that I didn& #39;t even stop to question my enjoyment of this new & #39;bad& #39; one. And it was GREAT.
Then that old argument reared its ugly head. I had war flashbacks. Then I stopped and said to myself, & #39;wait... I thought we were done having this discussion 3 years ago... I& #39;ve been through an entire grad school program since then, I& #39;m too tired for this shit.& #39;
At that point all I cared about was a compelling characterization & a good story. If villainy served me up something interesting with a side of drama, I was satisfied. A villain& #39;s actions only needed to seem justifiable from their perspective & that was good enough for me.
What that got me - just in time for the smorgasbord - was a feast of fascinating villains I could really invest in as characters & whose deeds were often not only justifiable by their personal ideaologies, but genuinely the best possible course of action in their circumstances.
What that got those humanized, sympathetic, tormented characters was a BRUTAL, AGONIZING DEATH. And while I looked on horrified at the unproblematique stories I had come to SETTLE FOR while they brutally murdered redeemable characters for being & #39;bad& #39;...
...was those same assholes still crowing about how we had better not stop questioning our enjoyment of & #39;evil& #39; characters from one side of their mouths & whispering among themselves about how much they deserved what they got from the other. I& #39;m sure the irony is lost on them.
So cut to now. I& #39;m three years older, three years tireder, I still like what I like & have much better things to do with my time than question OR defend those things to anyone. Fuck justifiability. Fuck redemption & remorse & apology. Give me the evil. Give me all of the evil.
If there& #39;s no right way to like it, if there& #39;s no possible longevity for that kind of story or character, if it can only exist as a flash in a pan, a firework whose brilliance lasts only a second & necessitates its own destruction, then I& #39;ll enjoy it like I enjoy the 4th of July.
Show me a baby massacre and I& #39;ll write you a love poem. Show me selfless nobility and I& #39;ll go take a nap.
This thread is just an extension of 2 contiguous thoughts I had today which were & #39;oh god I& #39;ve been playing D&D for 3 years& #39; sparking a memory of the first character I played, a boring-ass squeaky clean paladin because I was afraid if I played too edge people wouldn& #39;t like me...
...and that I really, REALLY fucking miss Essek Thelyss.
