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1st of many reflections from Episode 1 of @CPSolvers AntiRacism in Medicine series: Racism, Police Violence & Health.
Without Sancturay--
A thread on how we all have work to do.
Without Sancturay--
A thread on how we all have work to do.
On Ep. 1 @RheaBoydMD quoted @LeahRiguer who said, "Black people don't have a sanctuary".
@RheaBoydMD added, that "there is nowhere Black people can go to not be inside the carceral gaze, to not be experiencing police brutality...& we in healthcare have to build sanctuaries" 2/
@RheaBoydMD added, that "there is nowhere Black people can go to not be inside the carceral gaze, to not be experiencing police brutality...& we in healthcare have to build sanctuaries" 2/
There is something about this idea that hit me all at once
Black people have no sanctuary. Even in hospitals, they cannot escape white supremacy, police violence, or white indifference.
And the truth is, at times, I have been complicit 3/
Black people have no sanctuary. Even in hospitals, they cannot escape white supremacy, police violence, or white indifference.
And the truth is, at times, I have been complicit 3/
Thinking back on one particular experience as a resident... I remember taking care of a patient with Sickle cell Anemia, admitted for a vasoocclusive crisis. Let's call her Ms. A. 4/
One morning I walk into Ms. A's room and think: hmm, she seems sleepy, sleepier than usual. I quickly check the chart: no recent pain meds. I speak w/ her nurse & the convo somehow shifts to the possibility of Ms. A taking narcotics that had not been prescribed by our team.5/
The nurse reccommends calling security to check the room. I feel uneasy...but I am new upper-level resident, and this is actually the first patient I have taken care of with Sickle cell Anemia...what do I know? so I say ok.6/
Security comes & begins searching the room. Ms. A wakes up & asks what's going on? I explain. Still sleepy, she tells me " I have a bottle of pain meds from home--& they are all in one bottle...easier to carry."
I nod recalling the Tylenol, Advil, Zyrtec mix in my purse. 7/
I nod recalling the Tylenol, Advil, Zyrtec mix in my purse. 7/
The security guards announce their findings: a "suspicious bottle", that they must take down for processing.
Ms. A asks if she will get her bottle back.
They say probably not.
Ms. A is now wide awake, and she is angry.
She threatens to call the cops & report theft 8/
Ms. A asks if she will get her bottle back.
They say probably not.
Ms. A is now wide awake, and she is angry.
She threatens to call the cops & report theft 8/
She follows through with the threat and when the cops come she is beyond angy, she is enraged.
She is screaming while explaining the situation to the cops.
I step away to return an urgent page. 9/
She is screaming while explaining the situation to the cops.
I step away to return an urgent page. 9/
When I come back, Ms. A is being pinned to the floor, hands behind her back. I gasp in, horror, also recalling that her platlets are low, low enough for her to spontaneously start bleeding. 10/
She looks up from the ground & begs ME for help.
& instead, of helping, I beg HER to stop fighting.
I ask the cops if this is necessary, but I do not fight FOR HER.
She eventually tires & gives up. The cops let go.
She is escorted back to bed. 11/
& instead, of helping, I beg HER to stop fighting.
I ask the cops if this is necessary, but I do not fight FOR HER.
She eventually tires & gives up. The cops let go.
She is escorted back to bed. 11/
In bed, she weeps.
I had a profound realization that I had failed her. I had pariticpated, even by inaction, in building her prison... years later, her pleas still haunt me.
Now people may read this story & think that there were things that Ms. A did wrong...
12/
I had a profound realization that I had failed her. I had pariticpated, even by inaction, in building her prison... years later, her pleas still haunt me.
Now people may read this story & think that there were things that Ms. A did wrong...
12/
But I think about grace, & how Black people get so little, I think about benefit of the doubt, & how Black people get so little, I think about trust & how Black people get so little.
And mostly, I think about her pain, & how no one, myself included offered her a sanctuary.13/
And mostly, I think about her pain, & how no one, myself included offered her a sanctuary.13/
My closing reflection for this episode was: how will I create sanctuarties for my patients? I did not know what that would look like, but I entered the wards the next day with intention in my heart and I found small ways to do this 14/
It looked like me getting called for a consult on a surgical patient needing hypertension management, and walking in to find an older Black woman visibly upset. I did all the medical things I was taught but also sat down to learn more about her.15/
I found out as the tears streamed down her face that she was terrified of dying in surgery and that there would be no one to take care of her sick husband.
We talked about how hard it was to be sick all the time & be a caregiver... and How hard the world had been lately 16/
We talked about how hard it was to be sick all the time & be a caregiver... and How hard the world had been lately 16/
Then I tried something new, I asked her if I could play a poem for her-- one of my favorites by Lucille Clifton. the last line of the poem is " won't you celebrate with me, that every day something has tried to kill me...and has failed" 17/
She asked to listen twice. After we listened, me, the patient, & the medical assistant in the room did 3 minutes of meditation and deep breathing. We ended with an ernest prayer that though this surgery may be among those things that would try to kill her, it would fail. 18/
This was small, it didn’t change the horror of the world my patient walked through, but it did allow her to temporarily lay her burden down. 19/
Imagine if we all intentionally thought of creating sanctuaries for our patients —these small ones yes, but also the much larger ones, the ones that require systematic change ( handcuffing policies, general police presence in hospitals...).20/
Imagine if our patients, our Black patients, came into our hospitals broken, tired, & weary.... and they could find rest. END
Cc: @UREssien @dereckwpaul @LashNolen @rohankhaz @NaomiFFields @ChiomaOnuoha @cjmoreland @TheLakshmiK @RRHDr @gradydoctor @thenocturnists @doccrearperry @citeblackwomen @BerniceKing
