It’s tiring bc I wanna make dumb posts and post art but like....if I don’t speak up about stuff, I feel like I’m part of the problem. Or that I being quiet, I’ve taken the route of being a passive and seeming like I don’t care. It’s tiring.

Esp since I have a pretty sizable platform. My posts will probably go further than others (for better or for worse). I don’t wanna fan the flames of my anger, but at the same time I feel like I can’t afford to not say /something/.

There’s this pressure to stand up for yourself, your race and your right to be seen as a person and it’s /tiring/ when you know that in the end, there’s a chance it could be all for nothing.

I worked myself up so badly after calling out a big name artist for trying to be subtle with her anti-Blackness and all it earned me was threats of being doxxed, hate, and being so stressed out that it *literally* ruined my physical health.

I thought that after that I would NEVER speak up about stuff like this ever again, but then I got even more stressed bc then I’d be part of the problem if I turned a blind eye or gave silent support.

I’m tired of reading the news. I’m tired of hearing about how an industry that I’ve wanted to be part of since I was a kid is as racist as any other institution in this country. I’m tired of being told that my anger and fear is irrational and reactionary.

Every time I take a break from social media, I feel bad because I feel like I /should/ say something and I end up right back here and cutting these breaks short. Does my mental health worsen? Yeah. But if it helps spread the word then it should be worth it.

It’s suffocating....and idk what to do. I’m just tired of being upset. I’m tired of asking for people to treat us with basic respect....that’s all.