It's really stunning how much thought women in the Army have to put into our every interaction. Being friendly? Could come across as flirting. Being sarcastic or even rude? Still could come across as flirting. /1

Have any sort of friendship with a male Soldier? They're definitely sleeping together. Speaking up about problems? She's too sensitive. Displaying sadness or anger (no matter how depressing or infuriating the situation is)? She's too emotional. /2

There really is no winning. Some of us try being "one of the guys"--don't wear makeup, short hair, make crude jokes--but that only reinforces an unspoken standard that punishes Soldiers who don't fit the mold, especially other women. /3

I swung to the other extreme, embracing my femininity (sorority coffee cup, pink running shoes). While I felt more comfortable and *myself,* there were problems with that too.
It's exhausting being on-guard ALL the time.
This is what our junior Soldiers/LTs have to navigate. /4

If you're lucky, you find a female mentor. Or you figure out all the "rules" without accidentally breaking too many of them.
But having to warn a brand new LT that "it doesn't get better" in the real Army after the bs she heard in ROTC is a shitty thing to say. /5

I wish I had an easy (hell, any) answer to how do we fix it.

Today I had a conversation where all this came up. That the conversation even happened in the first place, that those men are listening--that's at least a good start.
/fin