Read on Twitter
Some of the most demoralizing moments are when I look in the mirror (most mirrors any mirror) and I see the hurt and pain in my own eyes.
It's hard, because logically I know I know that I'm not objectively ugly. 1: Objective beauty or not-beauty isn't really a thing 2: There are plenty of people who have it worse off than I do 3: Some days I do like the way I look. Some days that hurt and pain and fear isn't there
I don't know if this is a trans thing. As far as I can remember, I've thought that I was disgusting, ugly, unattractive, undesirable, without aesthetic merit. I've compensated with charisma, humor, and a willingness to listen to people. I'm a very good listener (most of the time)
But my brain. My brain tells me "You are ugly. Every part of you. The parts you're changing? The parts you hated as a man? They were ugly. The parts you like about yourself? The way you look in a skirt, those new boots you bought? Every bit of lotion, every bit of mascara?
You are ugly and will always be ugly."
I don't know how to make it stop. Sometimes it does! Sometimes I feel really good, I feel attractive. And then I look in the mirror and I see everything, all at once. This illogical certainty makes me feel suspicious of every compliment I ever get.
This is a very sad thread, hah
This is a very sad thread, hah
I don't know what this thread is. I will appreciate all the likes and the people that will tell me that they know how I feel or that I'm not ugly or anything they say. And I will swallow these things like the candies that they are. And I will think: "They're very nice."
"And I'm still ugly."
