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Some of the most demoralizing moments are when I look in the mirror (most mirrors any mirror) and I see the hurt and pain in my own eyes.
It& #39;s hard, because logically I know I know that I& #39;m not objectively ugly. 1: Objective beauty or not-beauty isn& #39;t really a thing 2: There are plenty of people who have it worse off than I do 3: Some days I do like the way I look. Some days that hurt and pain and fear isn& #39;t there
I don& #39;t know if this is a trans thing. As far as I can remember, I& #39;ve thought that I was disgusting, ugly, unattractive, undesirable, without aesthetic merit. I& #39;ve compensated with charisma, humor, and a willingness to listen to people. I& #39;m a very good listener (most of the time)
But my brain. My brain tells me "You are ugly. Every part of you. The parts you& #39;re changing? The parts you hated as a man? They were ugly. The parts you like about yourself? The way you look in a skirt, those new boots you bought? Every bit of lotion, every bit of mascara?
You are ugly and will always be ugly."
I don& #39;t know how to make it stop. Sometimes it does! Sometimes I feel really good, I feel attractive. And then I look in the mirror and I see everything, all at once. This illogical certainty makes me feel suspicious of every compliment I ever get.
This is a very sad thread, hah
This is a very sad thread, hah
I don& #39;t know what this thread is. I will appreciate all the likes and the people that will tell me that they know how I feel or that I& #39;m not ugly or anything they say. And I will swallow these things like the candies that they are. And I will think: "They& #39;re very nice."
"And I& #39;m still ugly."
