Read on Twitter
A fresh pot of coffee has been brewed.
The booze has been selected and set out.
The warm-up (hard cider) and the mixers have been staged.
21 minutes to APOCASHITSTORM DAY 4
The booze has been selected and set out.
The warm-up (hard cider) and the mixers have been staged.
21 minutes to APOCASHITSTORM DAY 4
The low-lights for tonight are Ben Carson, Tom Cotton, Mitch McConnell, Ja'Ron Smith, Jeff Van Drew, Ivanka, Giuliani, and Franklin Graham. List here, there may be a "surprise" speaker: https://www.cnbc.com/2020/08/27/rnc-speakers-schedule-tonight.html
Debbie Flood, the owner of a dairy farm in WI who... let's just say a few people muttered some choice things about in her last appearance, will be returning for the final night.
It's going to be a nightmare.
It's going to be a nightmare.
That being said, I will be watching closely for any "surprise" executive orders or such. I do know Trump is going to want something for a dramatic finale, I want to know how bad it's going to be. I'm hoping it will be mockable.
Franklin Graham is delivering the benediction. Much use of the passive voice, as if the horrors we're experiencing. were events beyond anyone's control.
Graham: "We pray that you give [Donald Trump] wisdom from on high."
God: "Above my pay grade, dude."
Graham: "We pray that you give [Donald Trump] wisdom from on high."
God: "Above my pay grade, dude."
Two small children reciting the pledge.
Yet another montage of Americana.
OH FUCK IT'S VOICED BY KEVIN MCCARTHY.
Did I say that I hold this guy in the deepest contempt?
OH FUCK IT'S VOICED BY KEVIN MCCARTHY.
Did I say that I hold this guy in the deepest contempt?
"An invisible enemy we did not expect or invite" re COVID.
We sure as hell made it feel at home once it got here, though.
Also, he's comparing the lowball COVID relief plan to the post-World War II MARSHALL PLAN!
Asshole.
We sure as hell made it feel at home once it got here, though.
Also, he's comparing the lowball COVID relief plan to the post-World War II MARSHALL PLAN!
Asshole.
"Socialist Democrats," DRINK
We have gotten straight to the Manichean bullshit of GOP = HOPE/PROGRESS/FORWARD, DEMS = DESPAIR/FAILURE/BACK
Ja'Ron Smith, White House advisor is up. Shorter:
"Democrats don't show conservative people like my father, they don't want you to see us. I didn't follow my parent's traditional values until I broke my leg, couldn't play football, and had to buckle down on my grades to change."
"Democrats don't show conservative people like my father, they don't want you to see us. I didn't follow my parent's traditional values until I broke my leg, couldn't play football, and had to buckle down on my grades to change."
Once again Trump is being praised for restoring funding HE OR THE GOP CUT.
Ja'Ron: "I have seen his true conscience*
*rewind sound*
GWB: "I have looked into Putin's soul."
Ja'Ron: "I have seen his true conscience*
*rewind sound*
GWB: "I have looked into Putin's soul."
Not sure who this is in the beginning of this montage, but "I consider myself a liberal, but liberalism has changed! I don't fit there anymore!"
"I mean I was a socialist! It wasn't until I got married and had to raise a family that I began to question..."
"I mean I was a socialist! It wasn't until I got married and had to raise a family that I began to question..."
OH MY GOD they are rolling out Welfare Queens, that old canard about people necessarily becoming more conservative as they face the real world, holy shit.
They're packing a lot into this montage, and it all stinks.
They're packing a lot into this montage, and it all stinks.
"one of the hardest things to do is to challenge your own beliefs."
SHE SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
SHE SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
Today I learned that the guy who shoots missiles at people to make himself look good at his Mar-a-Lago dinner is the anti-war candidate.
Jeff Van Drew, Quisling, is up.
He's the one who switched parties because of the impeachment.
AHA, HE'S A DENTIST. That explains much.
Me: "CASTRO WAS ALSO A DENTIST!"
He's the one who switched parties because of the impeachment.
AHA, HE'S A DENTIST. That explains much.
Me: "CASTRO WAS ALSO A DENTIST!"
"San Francisco liberal for Speaker" (re: Pelosi) DRINK
He thinks the party has become radical.
He has no fucking clue what radical is.
He thinks the party has become radical.
He has no fucking clue what radical is.
Note: these are not Radical Republicans, Radical Republicans built Reconstruction. These are Reactionary Republicans, who wish to make it as if Reconstruction and the Great Society programs never happened.
Uh, he just said radicals want to install Joe Biden as their puppet president.
Somebody tell rose twitter, but stand back and use a megaphone when you do it. They're gonna be mad.
Somebody tell rose twitter, but stand back and use a megaphone when you do it. They're gonna be mad.
(Yes, there are lots more radical people than rose twitter, I just think the reaction would be popcorn-worthy).
Another montage of people saying "DONALD TRUMP IS WONDERFUL. BIDEN WILL RUIN ALL OF THE GREAT THINGS I HAVE NOW."
Another montage of people saying "DONALD TRUMP IS WONDERFUL. BIDEN WILL RUIN ALL OF THE GREAT THINGS I HAVE NOW."
Stacia Brightmon is up. Military Apprenticeship Program Graduate.
Her pace is like one of those Lincoln Tech advertisements. Shorter: This program apparently paid $16/hr. Donald Trump and Ivanka Trump made it possible behind the scenes! Look, they launched a website!
Her pace is like one of those Lincoln Tech advertisements. Shorter: This program apparently paid $16/hr. Donald Trump and Ivanka Trump made it possible behind the scenes! Look, they launched a website!
And of course she's set to close on a brand-new home at the end of the month.
Can we please remember that these stories are exceptional BECAUSE THEY ARE RARE?
Oh, and segue to a plug for training for Trump's campaign volunteer program.
Can we please remember that these stories are exceptional BECAUSE THEY ARE RARE?
Oh, and segue to a plug for training for Trump's campaign volunteer program.
Dan Scavino (deputy chief of staff for comms/social media)
HE LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE
HE LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE
Scavino: "TRUMP IS KINDNESS TO EVERYONE! THE MEDIA OBSCURES AND LIES!"
Scavino just made Trump getting through 3 1/2 years seem like Moses leading the Jews out of Egypt.
HE JUST SAID THE PRESIDENT CAN NOT BE BOUGHT
HE JUST SAID THE PRESIDENT CAN NOT BE BOUGHT
Shorter Scavino: "Donald Trump believed in me when I was a teenager serving him in a menial position, serve him, and he might believe in you too!"
Baby owls have a more stable platform for vision than this guy. His head is like a wobbling top.
IT'S THE TURTLE OF DEATH, PRE-RECORDED
As usual McConnell is hitting a truly AMAZING pace of lies.
He literally said "[Democrats] even want to decide how many *hamburgers* you can eat."
As usual McConnell is hitting a truly AMAZING pace of lies.
He literally said "[Democrats] even want to decide how many *hamburgers* you can eat."
He's "immensely proud of the work the Senate has done"
"the stakes have never been higher" DRINK
Ah, Trump is now praising athletes.
MANY OF THESE ATHLETES ARE ON STRIKE TONIGHT IN SUPPORT OF THE FIGHT AGAINST RACIST POLICE KILLINGS
MANY OF THESE ATHLETES ARE ON STRIKE TONIGHT IN SUPPORT OF THE FIGHT AGAINST RACIST POLICE KILLINGS
Dana White of the UFC is up.
God damn his voice could cut through sheet metal.
"greatest economy in nations history" DRINK
"like no-one before him" GOD DAMMIT LET ME GET A BREATH
God damn his voice could cut through sheet metal.
"greatest economy in nations history" DRINK
"like no-one before him" GOD DAMMIT LET ME GET A BREATH
Let me just paint this picture to you. Dana White, a fight promoter, is telling you how Trump's positions on police funding and public health are the best.
Got that? I'm sorry, please stop crying.
Got that? I'm sorry, please stop crying.
Unprecedented, DRINK
Also, Dana White is raising his voice as if he was shouting over a crowd right now.
Also, Dana White is raising his voice as if he was shouting over a crowd right now.
Dana White is the FIRST person at the RNC to clearly acknowledge that we have "a long way to go" in the pandemic.
"No-one, but no-one is going to out-work [Trump]."
"No-one, but no-one is going to out-work [Trump]."
Reagan quote: "There isn't any problem that can't be solved if government gives us the facts, tells us how it can be solved, and then gets out of the way."
Ron Howard voice: "Trump has done none of those three things."
Ron Howard voice: "Trump has done none of those three things."
Dana White, shorter: "VOTE REPUBLICAN UP AND DOWN THE BALLOT"
Sean Reyes, UT AG is up. Lots of callouts to his "warrior roots." AHA, apparently his "warrior roots" are now being used to fight human trafficking.
"Trump is a fierce warrior against human trafficking."
Sean Reyes, UT AG is up. Lots of callouts to his "warrior roots." AHA, apparently his "warrior roots" are now being used to fight human trafficking.
"Trump is a fierce warrior against human trafficking."
Almost verbatim: "President Trump heard about this and summoned Ivanka, and some of his cabinet advisors"
Apparently shit gets real when Trump "summons Ivanka."
Apparently shit gets real when Trump "summons Ivanka."
This is revolting. Not going to repeat it.
Debbie Flood, foundry and machine shop owner in Wisconsin. Apparently they screwed up her business in the program release.
Theme of the speech "BIDEN HELPED CHINA, TRUMP SAVED US"
Wait a second. Then you purchased a 3D printer? When Biden was a senator? THE FUCK YOU DID
Theme of the speech "BIDEN HELPED CHINA, TRUMP SAVED US"
Wait a second. Then you purchased a 3D printer? When Biden was a senator? THE FUCK YOU DID
NOTE THAT NOBODY IS GIVING PROPS TO NANCY FUCKING PELOSI FOR THE PAYCHECK PROTECTION PROGRAM, LIKE NOBODY GAVE HER PROPS FOR PASSING THE PPACA *TWICE* IN THE HOUSE BECAUSE JOE LIEBERMAN WAS A DICK
I haven't even started the scotch yet. This is going to be a long night.
Oh holy shit. A bunch of people hating on Bill DeBlasio about public housing. I sense the imminent approach of that intellectual vacuum, BEN CARSON
SURPRISE! It's Ann Dorn, not Ben Carson. Speaking about her husband, St. Louis police Capt. David Dorn, who was killed in June.
Everyone at the RNC talking about the rioting is acting as if people just started burning shit down because they hate America, rather than being angry because America is treating them like they are hated.
Imagine, if you will, that the effort put into presenting us the words of the surviving spouse as she relives the death of her spouse, was used to *ALSO* present the tragedy of people killed unjustly by police.
Oh, indirectly blaming video games, DRINK
Oh, indirectly blaming video games, DRINK
I am not certain who said this, I think it might have been Malcom X, but even as someone whose mode of protest is almost invariably non-violent, it's true: non-violent protest only works when your opponent has a conscience.
Non-violence might work under Biden/Harris. NOT TRUMP.
Non-violence might work under Biden/Harris. NOT TRUMP.
Ben Carson is up.
He is talking about non-violence, and is quoting Lincoln's Cooper Union speech as if the Democratic Party wants to go to war to force everybody to do what it wants them to do.
This is so many levels of fucked up I can't even.
He is talking about non-violence, and is quoting Lincoln's Cooper Union speech as if the Democratic Party wants to go to war to force everybody to do what it wants them to do.
This is so many levels of fucked up I can't even.
Seriously, bringing out Ben Carson is like summoning the Lovecraftian Elder God of Stupid. Seriously, he is in a class of stupid that transcends anything you could imagine. I mean so stupid that just to be near is to have your ears filled with the screams of dying brain cells.
Carson is reciting something from his personal history, which means he is LYING.
Sermon on the Mount, Shining city on the hill, the vision thing, DRINKDRINKDRINKDRINK
Pat Lynch, spokesman of the Police Benevolent association of NY. Great, another police union shithead.
Calling police unions "unions" is like calling a firefighter a temperature regulation engineer. Technically somewhat true, but fundamentally misleading.
This dickhead thinks that the violence (mostly started by right-wingers) IS PART OF THE RADICAL LEFT'S PLAN
"I've never seen the streets go bad this quickly"
He's never heard about the riots after MLK's assassination, has he?
He's never heard about the riots after MLK's assassination, has he?
He's claiming all sorts of bullshit about the "message" of the protests.
He's completely wrong. The message is "innocent until proven guilty," you human sack of garbage.
He's completely wrong. The message is "innocent until proven guilty," you human sack of garbage.
RUDY GHOULIANI IS UP
Ah, first with the bashing of DeBlasio. He refers to New York as "his city."
HOW LONG UNTIL HE MENTIONS 9/11?
Ah, first with the bashing of DeBlasio. He refers to New York as "his city."
HOW LONG UNTIL HE MENTIONS 9/11?
Wow. According to Giuliani, apparently Joe Biden is an animatronic doll, and every leftist in America has a hand on a control box.
REWRITING HISTORY: according to Giuliani, after the George Floyd protests first started, the GOP was ready to work with the Dems for police reform.
REWRITING HISTORY: according to Giuliani, after the George Floyd protests first started, the GOP was ready to work with the Dems for police reform.
He really is Ghouliani. He is horrible.
@orchid_grey This Giuliani speech is... awful. But I repeat myself.
"this can not be done from your basement, Joe!"
DRINK
DRINK
It must have REALLY hurt Rudy to admit that FDR was one of the greats.
"Mr. PRESIDENT, MAKE OUR NATION SAFE AGAIN!"
Ah, CHINESE ESPIONAGE/PERFIDY BIDEN MONTAGE! BOOGABOOGABOOGA
Tom Cotton is up. THIS IS GONNA SUCK.
OMFG his opener is a pretentious shithead.
"We will always lead the world, but we will stand alone if we must."
That's not how leadership works, dickhead.
OMFG his opener is a pretentious shithead.
"We will always lead the world, but we will stand alone if we must."
That's not how leadership works, dickhead.
Tom Cotton is doing a verbal Powerpoint presentation of bullet-pointed lies.
That's all I say.
That's all I say.
Shorter Tom Cotton: "JOE BIDEN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR CHINESE FENTANYL"
Also he presents the release of COVID-19 on the world as an intentional act on the part of the PRC.
Also he presents the release of COVID-19 on the world as an intentional act on the part of the PRC.
Marsha & Carl Muller whose daughter Kayla was taken by ISIS and killed.
Great, take the beauty of a humanitarian worker's life and the sadness of her death at the hands of crazy fuckers, and use it to promote the political campaign of other crazy fuckers.
Good going.
Great, take the beauty of a humanitarian worker's life and the sadness of her death at the hands of crazy fuckers, and use it to promote the political campaign of other crazy fuckers.
Good going.
I was going into this wary that they'd manage to find some handle on my heart strings to tug at, as much as I like to present myself as pure spite and rage.
Instead, I am recoiling in horror at what the RNC is, both in any given moment, and in its totality.
Instead, I am recoiling in horror at what the RNC is, both in any given moment, and in its totality.
What they are describing about Kayla's mental state from her letters is mental dissasociation in the face of horror, they are presenting it as something else.
Montage about Alice Johnson, who was pardoned by Trump from her life sentence for drug charges.
I really need to read up and see the substantive details on this supposed criminal justice reform that passed.
I really need to read up and see the substantive details on this supposed criminal justice reform that passed.
Shorter Alice Johnson: "I was lost, but now I'm found"
I have managed to refill my scotch & coke (not drinking it straight tonight) WITHOUT pouring it into my coffee, unlike last night.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Note to self (and @FreeThinker420 ) the FIRST-STEP act is what they're talking about.
SO MUCH RELIGION
Ah, it's the Donald Trump warm-up montage!
*drinks lots*
*drinks lots*
What terrifies me is that this drunk-rage-tweeting is accurate enough to be LIKED BY TRUMP & QANON SUPPORTERS.
HOLY FUCK that bothers the crap out of me, that I am accurately capturing the message they are trying to send with this snark.
LOOK UPON THE IMPLICATIONS AND DESPAIR
HOLY FUCK that bothers the crap out of me, that I am accurately capturing the message they are trying to send with this snark.
LOOK UPON THE IMPLICATIONS AND DESPAIR
The person who created the music for this montage was given fifteen minutes on Band Camp and three rails of coke. I'd put money on it.
Ah, it's Ivanka Trump up.
COMING OUT TO ELTON JOHN'S I'M STILL STANDING.
Somebody is gonna get a C&D letter.
COMING OUT TO ELTON JOHN'S I'M STILL STANDING.
Somebody is gonna get a C&D letter.
Somebody who has forgotten far more about fashion than I ever will know might be able to tell me why this is dissonant for this occasion.
I wish I could have caught a screencap of the crowd. They are packed together, no masks. I am ten miles away from where this is taking place. I am not leaving my apartment for a month, except maybe to get mail.
IVANKA TRUMP IS TALKING ABOUT STANDING FOR YOUR CONVICTIONS.
i_don't_believe_you.gif
i_don't_believe_you.gif
Aha, plug for "school choice," drink!
Ivanka has a different speechwriter, someone who likes both rhyme and alliteration. It goes sort of well with her overly-modulated delivery.
This is the most charitable thing I can say about it.
This is the most charitable thing I can say about it.
In my opinion, Trump settling on trade was focusing on the right issue in exactly the wrong way.
@Dictionarycom @MerriamWebster CAN WE PLEASE RETIRE THE WORD UNPRECEDENTED? IT'S BEEN OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID FOR FAR TOO LONG 
Ivanka: "I have seen how my father believes in the potential of each individual."
Me: "UNLESS THEY ARE DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, OR OTHERWISE DON'T BUY INTO YOUR BULLSHIT"
Me: "UNLESS THEY ARE DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, OR OTHERWISE DON'T BUY INTO YOUR BULLSHIT"
Once again everything talking about the economy is pre-COVID, as if the way the collapse played out couldn't have ANYTHING to do with the actions of the Trump administration.
So basically Ivanka's speech is a loop:
WHILE (speech not done) X
echo "four years ago I said" thing[X]
echo "now $thing[X] " . ++good
do;
WHILE (speech not done) X
echo "four years ago I said" thing[X]
echo "now $thing[X] " . ++good
do;
Ivanka is talking about millions of dollars being dumped into the hands of Panera Bread and other contractors as an unmitigated good, independent of any contextual incompetence that might have made it necessary.
PROTIP: THE PEACE AGREEMENTS IN THE MIDDLE EAST ARE NOT ABOUT TRUMP, THEY ARE ABOUT LOCAL CONDITIONS AS PERCEIVED BY THE RULERS IN THE MIDDLE EAST.
Ivanka: "WASHINGTON HAS NOT CHANGED DONALD TRUMP. DONALD TRUMP HAS CHANGED WASHINGTON."
Me: "THE FACT THAT YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING MEANS YOU NEED TO BE KEPT AWAY FROM CHILDREN AND SHARP OBJECTS."
Me: "THE FACT THAT YOU THINK THIS IS A GOOD THING MEANS YOU NEED TO BE KEPT AWAY FROM CHILDREN AND SHARP OBJECTS."
Ivanka now introducting Trump & Melania, to "Proud to be an American"
IMAGE EDITORS OF THE WORLD, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO
THIS IS WHAT THE CROWD LOOKS LIKE. This is going to be a super-spreader event, quite probably.
All I can think of is "how many people are going to die so Trump could get his serotonin & dopamine cocktail fix tonight?
Trump invoking his recently deceased brother, who he mostly ignored until his death. DRINK
Mike Pence, greeting being recognized by Trump openly with the furrowed brow and pursed lips of intensity.
Trump officially has accepted the nomination. Big surprise.
Loud chants of USA! USA! USA! and cheering and hollering
Loud chants of USA! USA! USA! and cheering and hollering
Verbally on a prepared speech, Trump is like the guitar player who can only play four chords from sheet music, and then only with great effort.
In case you're wondering, I'm not saying much because Trump is reading someone else's speech. I'm pretty sure he's skipping lines, unless the writer was doing a few rails with Donald Jr.
INVISIBLE ENEMY, DRINK
"will produce a vaccine before the end of the year"
Trump's speech at this point is just throwing out random phrases evocative of shit that America may or may not have had anything to do with.
I am convinced that Trump could turn around and fart at the microphone and his audience would cheer for him.
You may be thinking that I'm exaggerating how starkly these speeches have been presenting the propositions that electing Trump means peace, prosperity, and happiness, and electing Biden means despair, doom, and slavery.
I'm not. That's pretty much the message.
I'm not. That's pretty much the message.
Oh nice. The most reactionary president of the most reactionary party in U.S. history just called Democrats "backward."
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, historians. Please don't hurt me.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, historians. Please don't hurt me.
Ah, not-so-subtle dig at Biden's problem with personal boundary issues.
Also NO, Clinton said "I feel your pain," not Biden.
Also NO, Clinton said "I feel your pain," not Biden.
Unlike anything about Trump, Biden has learned from his mistakes.
Also, Trump is saying he's about ending wars. Can someone remind me when he ended the war in Afghanistan?
Also, Trump is saying he's about ending wars. Can someone remind me when he ended the war in Afghanistan?
Trump putting these specific words in someone's mouth who never said them, or definitely didn't mean them as a compliment: "President Trump did what NO-ONE ELSE was able to do."
DRINK
DRINK
Trump: "We have ended the rule of the failed political class"
Me: "TBH, the failed political class is looking comparatively good right now, at least as a transition to better things than YOU, asshole."
Me: "TBH, the failed political class is looking comparatively good right now, at least as a transition to better things than YOU, asshole."
Trump bashes the TPP, and cheers on the Keystone XL pipeline, the completed segment of which leaked in SD only weeks after his approval.
"nobody had ever seen before" "strongest economy in the history of the world" "china stealing our jobs, ripping us off"
DRINKDRINKDRINK
DRINKDRINKDRINK
Trump "right now auto companies are building factories in america"
Trump during the great recession: "let them fail"
Trump during the great recession: "let them fail"
It is amazing how remarkably accurate a judge of character the things that you're say you're proud of is.
Shorter Trump: "I took a bad situation and made it worse, go me!"
I DON'T THINK EXECUTIVE ORDERS DO WHAT TRUMP THINKS THEY DO
I'm literally wincing each time someone in the crowd goes WOOOO! and imagining virus spread.
Trump is proud of Gorsuch and Kavanaugh. That's the tweet. 
Trump: "and I say very modestly that I have done more for the African-American community than any president except Abraham Lincoln, the first Republican President"
LBJ: *rises from the grave to kick this upstart's ass*
LBJ: *rises from the grave to kick this upstart's ass*
Shorter Trump: "When I took office, all was in chaos. I kept my promise, and all is better now. But the forces of darkness are marching, and we must keep making things better. With me as president."
Trump claims he opened the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem in an existing property for $500,000.
I wonder how thoroughly compromised that building is with monitoring devices.
I wonder how thoroughly compromised that building is with monitoring devices.
Trump is lying at a Kellyanne Conway-like rate. We must be nearing the end (thank fucking god).
Trump: "China would own our country if Biden got elected." Then bluntly states that China is deliberately responsible for COVID's spread.
TRUMP IS OBSESSED WITH "LARGEST NATIONAL MOBILATION SINCE WORLD WAR TWO" and ventilators.
Drink once for each, but only a little as this is a serious retread.
Drink once for each, but only a little as this is a serious retread.
Trump: "We are taking care of our senior citizens."
Me: "BULLSHIT, YOU'RE TRYING TO ELIMINATE THE MAIN FUNDING STREAM FOR SOCIAL SECURITY, MEDICARE, AND UNEMPLOYMENT"
Me: "BULLSHIT, YOU'RE TRYING TO ELIMINATE THE MAIN FUNDING STREAM FOR SOCIAL SECURITY, MEDICARE, AND UNEMPLOYMENT"
I wasn't sure I heard that right, but apparently I did: https://twitter.com/easygantor/status/1299180076676726784
Trump: "and then I introduced a ban on Europe"
Me: *side-eye*
Me: *side-eye*
Trump: "Joe Biden's plan is not a solution to the virus, it is a surrender to the virus."
Me: "YOU CAN NOT HAVE A DICK-WAVING CONTEST WITH RNA, YOU INCOMPETENT WINDBAG"
Me: "YOU CAN NOT HAVE A DICK-WAVING CONTEST WITH RNA, YOU INCOMPETENT WINDBAG"
Trump, paraphrased: "OUR VACCINE PROGRAMS ARE YEARS AHEAD OF ANYTHING ANYONE SAID"
Epidemiologists everywhere: "Nah, this is pretty much exactly what we said the as-fast-as-possible pace would be."
Epidemiologists everywhere: "Nah, this is pretty much exactly what we said the as-fast-as-possible pace would be."
Trump is lying about taxes again. In other news, I'm taking another drink.
Trump wants MORE TAX CUTS.
Trump also wants more tarriffs, which since they are paid by US, will fill in for the taxes he's cutting.
Trump thinks that real manliness comes from extracting petrochemicals from the ground and setting them on fire.
I pity Melania.
I pity Melania.
I kid. I don't pity Melania. I pity US.
Trump: "BIDEN WON'T TALK ABOUT HIS POLICIES"
Also Trump: "BIDEN PUBLISHED A 110-PAGE POLICY PLATFORM"
Direct contradiction, drink!
Also Trump: "BIDEN PUBLISHED A 110-PAGE POLICY PLATFORM"
Direct contradiction, drink!
STORMY DANIELS AND KAREN MCDOUGAL WERE NOT PAID ENOUGH
ABORTION, DRINK
ALSO, ABORTION RIGHT UP UNTIL THE MOMENT OF BIRTH IS NOT A THING
ALSO, ABORTION RIGHT UP UNTIL THE MOMENT OF BIRTH IS NOT A THING
Woooo, almost tweeted something that would have gotten me reported into the ground. I'm moving beyond anger now.
Trump: "Joe Biden is a Trojan horse for Socialism!"
Me: "with all the different things you're accusing him of being at the same time, Joe Biden must be Optimus fucking Prime, so I say ELECT HIM."
Me: "with all the different things you're accusing him of being at the same time, Joe Biden must be Optimus fucking Prime, so I say ELECT HIM."
Trump: "THEY WILL MAKE EVERY CITY LOOK LIKE DEMOCRAT-RUN PORTLAND OREGON"
Me: "WHY DO YOU KEEP THREATENING ME WITH A GOOD TIME?"
Me: "WHY DO YOU KEEP THREATENING ME WITH A GOOD TIME?"
Uh. He just said that Rudy Giuliani knows that if the NYPD was allowed to do its job, there would be no crime in NYC. Did I miss a period where there was no crime in NYC?
@TheTruePooka I MUST HAVE ANSWERS ^^^^^
The people he's calling out for being here do not look happy.
Trump: "we have to give law enforcement - our police - back their power"
Me: "In what alternative universe are you living that they lost it?"
Me: "In what alternative universe are you living that they lost it?"
Trump: *listing cities where people are angry and protesting* - "just call, we're ready to go in. We'll fix it in a matter of hours."
Me: "AT THIS POINT I'M GLAD PEOPLE AREN'T MAKING THOSE CALLS"
Me: "AT THIS POINT I'M GLAD PEOPLE AREN'T MAKING THOSE CALLS"
I would be remiss if I didn't point out that Orange Julius is completely ignoring the teleprompters. I say again, Il Douche has gone off the reservation.
He's starting to bore the living fuck out of me, but his audience is "WHOOHOOOING" it up.
Oh, black-on-black crime, SAYING NOTHING ABOUT SELECTIVE FUCKING LAW ENFORCEMENT
YOU ASSHOLE
Oh, black-on-black crime, SAYING NOTHING ABOUT SELECTIVE FUCKING LAW ENFORCEMENT
YOU ASSHOLE
SELECTIVE LAW ENFORCEMENT IS PART AND PARCEL OF WHY #BlackLivesMatter 
IS A NECESSARY THING
IS A NECESSARY THING
If anything, selective law enforcement kills FAR MORE people than officer shootings, because it removes protection from communities on a basis that I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON 
I think Trump is getting tired, he's starting to make less and less sense. He doesn't want to go to bed, though. People are still loudly cheering him.
obligatory coronavirus-spreading "FOUR MORE YEARS" chant.
Drink.
Trump: "JOE BIDEN IS WEAK" Drink.
Drink.
Trump: "JOE BIDEN IS WEAK" Drink.
THE MAN WHO HAS A GODDAMN GOLD-PLATED TOILET IS BITCHING ABOUT PEOPLE IN GATED COMMUNITIES?
He's repeating himself again.
Oh, he's going one further: "we will create ten million new jobs, and it will be even higher than that."
Oh, he's going one further: "we will create ten million new jobs, and it will be even higher than that."
Shorter Trump: "BIDEN WILL TAKE YOUR GUNS"
Trump, verbatim: "LOOK AT HOW LOW YOUR GAS PRICES ARE"
"WE WILL BUILD THE BEST CYBER AND MISSILE DEFENSE"
"WE WILL RESTORE PATRIOTIC EDUCATION TO OUR SCHOOLS AND PROTECT FREE SPEECHON OUR COLLEGE CAMPUSES"
I shit you not.
"WE WILL BUILD THE BEST CYBER AND MISSILE DEFENSE"
"WE WILL RESTORE PATRIOTIC EDUCATION TO OUR SCHOOLS AND PROTECT FREE SPEECHON OUR COLLEGE CAMPUSES"
I shit you not.
REMINDER THAT THE MARS PLANS FOR NASA STARTED UNDER GWB
TRUMP DESERVES CREDIT FOR NOTHING.
Reminder: not even Trump is exceptional. He is a cheap cross between Caligula and Nero.
I LIKE HOW HE'S LEAVING THE PEOPLE ALREADY LIVING IN NORTH AMERICA OUT OF THE ORIGIN STORY OF THE U.S.
VERY TRADITIONAL
VERY TRADITIONAL
LOOK AT THE ABOVE TWEET AND THEN TAKE IN THIS:
TRUMP SAID "WE DON'T TEAR DOWN OUR PAST"
HE EVEN SPOKE OF THE BUILDING OF THE RAILROADS - AND CHINESE LABOR WAS NOT FUCKING MENTIONED
TRUMP SAID "WE DON'T TEAR DOWN OUR PAST"
HE EVEN SPOKE OF THE BUILDING OF THE RAILROADS - AND CHINESE LABOR WAS NOT FUCKING MENTIONED
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS
I HAVE NO FILTER AND I AM MEAN https://twitter.com/FreeThinker420/status/1299188372032937984
I HAVE NO FILTER AND I AM MEAN https://twitter.com/FreeThinker420/status/1299188372032937984
TBH it sounds a lot like Trump is calling for, wait a minute, it's coming to me...
A "Cultural Revolution."
A "Cultural Revolution."
HE'S ENDING IT
HE'S ENDING IT
THANK FUCKING DOGE I WILL HAVE A LIVER TOMORROW
HE'S ENDING IT
THANK FUCKING DOGE I WILL HAVE A LIVER TOMORROW
Joe's fireworks show was better. It had people 1. tailgating 2. social distancing 3. not surrounded by a wall designed to keep the rabble out.
Tell me what I need to do to make sure that Joe Biden fairly and incontrovertibly wins the election in November, and is inaugurated Jan 20th of 2021. I WILL FUCKING DO IT.
All of you who stayed with me through this: @FreeThinker420 @sleepyknave @carstensenpol @OMellieo @orchid_grey @valbouchey @TheTruePooka @jujufleming1 @themlowery @katwitdown @easygantor @zhiraldo @CharisHamilton8 @mampdx @mchamplin1 @MidnightRem @ross_corn @noem210 et al
TYVM
TYVM
