Before I start this story, I must tell you that I'm a stoner. 'The day that I don't wake and bake will be the day I die' is the only context required here. Anyway, I was supposed to go out with this girl I met at a Colaba house party, but completely forgot about it

and ended up meeting her while being as high as a kite. Fucking starving as the munchies kicked in, I ordered Charcoal Waffles & Pizza Kulcha because these were the first things I could read on that menu. Wtf is even charcoal bro, isn't that the shit they used to put in trains??

I could also feel my entire pind's wrath as I said 'Pizza kulcha' out loud. But this girl was bemused by it. I also remember rambling about South American jungles and ayahuasca, which she thought was a fruit.

I was shocked when she said that she wanted to see me again, considering that even at that point, her number was saved as 'Colaba Party Chatty Girl'. Cut to a few days later, I was sitting at my place and smoking up,

because let's be honest I'm not cut out for anything remotely productive. And she (found out that her name was Shreya a day before that) texts me that wished she was in Lonavala, and obviously my stoned ass thought it'd be a great idea to go pick her up right then and head there.

This one time I was making Pav bhaji and said that the secret ingredient is love, and she was blushing out of nowhere, now who's tripping here? She also thought that the ice-cream that I ordered (cuz muchies obviously) was for her. Cut to a few months later, I said "I love you".

She froze and made me feel weird. I've said this so many times to my best friend Pravin and he never made me feel bad for it. So I made a mental note to do it only with him and moved on. A week later, she sends me a letter saying that she loves me too.

I felt like things were getting out of hand by then, but the paper density was so good that it made for a damn good roach, bless her soul. It was around this time when she introduced me to her colleagues, and I really hit it off with the HR. His name was also Pravin.

The morning after going on a bender with him, I realised that I had hatched an elaborate plan that involved the Andaman. But then I shrugged it off thinking what's the worst that could happen.

The plan involved her winning some dumb competition at work, the prize being a trip to Andaman (yeah like the capitalists give a fuck about your tropical tan), which I paid for.

Once I reached there to surprise her, I inevitably ended up smoking up with her scuba instructor, who convinced me that it was a great idea to propose to someone you barely knew for 6 months (1.5, if you only consider the sober bit). But then, you know me.

That's exactly what I did and she said yes, which still blows my mind, although I have to admit that holding a 'Will you marry me?' placard while being 60 feet deep in the ocean stoned out of my head will definitely be the high point of this relationship for me.

We're apparently getting married this year, although half the things that happen in my life are hazy. She also goes red when I sing 'Pyaar aya, mera pyaar aya' while picking her up from work, but little does she know that Pravin is waving at me from the window behind her.

Again, these standards are impossible to match.