Reading what @erinmangerer tweeted about her kiddo reminded me of (ONE OF) the most ridiculous thing i have ever done to date. I was 9, my brother was 5, and my parents were still married. Buckle in, this is a thread.

My parents wanted to go to an Oklahoma University football game. Stadium capacity at the time: approximately 75,000 people. Our next door neighbor was watching us, a registered nurse. This is an important fact.

So, my dad always hammered home the dangers of pesticides and poisons in the garage. Please remember this was the early 90s and kids were still mostly able to be around dangerous things and no one really fuckin cared. 'Don't touch it or you'll die' was the rule.

So, it's a lovely autumn day and my brother and I are outside with April, the RN babysitter. We're playing with chalk. I see a wasp. I see the wasp continuing to get closer and closer. Without saying anything, I went into the garage and grabbed a cain of Raid bug spray.

Because I had no experience in spraying things in general, I confidently went up to the wasp and sprayed the Raid.

Into the wind.

The poison cloud went right back into my face and I screamed in panic. Immediately, April took me inside and had me rinse my eyes and mouth.

She assured me that I would be fine, but I immediately knew what would happen: She would tell my dad when he got home and then I would be in trouble. So, right then I started crying and screaming that I was going to DIE. Full on meltdown.

In my mind, I thought if she told my parents right now while they were still gone, by the time they got home it would be hours later and it will have blown over. IDK what kind of logic this is, it makes no fucking sense. Also, cellphones weren't a thing yet.

April tried you guys, she really did. But I begged and pleaded and was generally a holy fuckin terror until she found the number to the COLLEGE FOOTBALL STADIUM. Somehow she got routed all the way to where she needed to be to report an emergency or whatever.

So, in front of 70,000+ people, my parents are having a good time and hear 'If Gerald or Susan Duke could please report to the closest security officer, there is an emergency phone call for you.' 70,000 PEOPLE IN OKLAHOMA THAT DAY KNEW THE DUKES HAD AN EMERGENCY.

By the time my dad got on the phone, I'd calmed down enough to know I fucked up and now I was crying for a totally different reason. I imagined the actual worst and so I cleaned the entire kitchen and the bathrooms LOL. He talked to April, and I just cleaned.

When my parents got home my brother, the little asshole, immediately goes 'I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.' All that ended up happening was that I was grounded, and I didn't learn my lesson because 2 years later I sprayed poison on all of my dad's plants because I WAS MAD AT MY BROTHER.

I blamed him for it, my dad believed me, but I didn't know our neighbor saw me do it. So my dad began the ride home from school one day with: "I'm going to ask you a question. And before you answer, I already know the truth." @erinmangerer I invite you and all parents to use this

So, there you go, I was a panicky, crazy kid who went above and beyond to stress out my parents. Have I told you guys the one about my dad thinking my brother and I were kidnapped? So yeah, don't worry. Kids do weird ass things and try to get away with it, lmao.