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You've all seen that famous analysis of Ice Cube's "It Was A Good Day", which figures out exactly which day it took place.
During lockdown, one insomniac night, I applied the same process to Saint Etienne's "Mario's Cafe".
Lyrics: https://genius.com/Saint-etienne-marios-cafe-lyrics
My findings follow...
During lockdown, one insomniac night, I applied the same process to Saint Etienne's "Mario's Cafe".
Lyrics: https://genius.com/Saint-etienne-marios-cafe-lyrics
My findings follow...
First of all, the Saint Etienne album So Tough, on which "Mario's Cafe" appears, was completed in November 1992, so that's the very latest cut-off.
But work on the album began in June 1992, so it's fair to assume that the songs were written by then.
So, there's one parameter.
But work on the album began in June 1992, so it's fair to assume that the songs were written by then.
So, there's one parameter.
Now let's look at some clues.
In verse 1, we're told it's a Tuesday. Someone's reading the Racing Post, but that doesn't tell us much, because it's a daily paper. It's cold and rainy, but that also tells us little. This is Britain, after all.
The main thing is, it's a Tuesday.
In verse 1, we're told it's a Tuesday. Someone's reading the Racing Post, but that doesn't tell us much, because it's a daily paper. It's cold and rainy, but that also tells us little. This is Britain, after all.
The main thing is, it's a Tuesday.
Someone asks "Did you see The KLF last night?"
So, we know they're already called The KLF. (They ditched the name The JAMs in March 1988).
So when, on a Tuesday between March 1988 and November 1992, might you have seen The KLF last night?
So, we know they're already called The KLF. (They ditched the name The JAMs in March 1988).
So when, on a Tuesday between March 1988 and November 1992, might you have seen The KLF last night?
Well, it depends what you mean by "see". Live, or on TV? Let's allow both possibilities.
Mon 30 Jan 1989 Snub TV (interview)
Mon 31 July 1989 live at Land Of Oz, Heaven
Mon 8 Jan 1990 Snub TV (interview repeat)
Mon 22 Jan 1990 Snub TV (video)
Mon 24 Dec 1990 live at Rage, Heaven
Mon 30 Jan 1989 Snub TV (interview)
Mon 31 July 1989 live at Land Of Oz, Heaven
Mon 8 Jan 1990 Snub TV (interview repeat)
Mon 22 Jan 1990 Snub TV (video)
Mon 24 Dec 1990 live at Rage, Heaven
Five potential Tuesdays opening up, then. So let's look at the line "Eubank wins the fight". Did Chris Eubank win a fight on, or near, one of those KLF Mondays?
The answer: no he didn't.
The whole 'Tuesday' thing is looking more and more like artistic license.
Let's move on...
The answer: no he didn't.
The whole 'Tuesday' thing is looking more and more like artistic license.
Let's move on...
“Lucy writes a letter. She'd like to spend an evening with Prince Be.”
Prince Be was the lead vocalist with PM Dawn. Their first single came out in 1989, but hardly anyone heard it. Their first UK hit, "A Watcher's Point of View", came out on 22 May 1991.
A new parameter. Shit.
Prince Be was the lead vocalist with PM Dawn. Their first single came out in 1989, but hardly anyone heard it. Their first UK hit, "A Watcher's Point of View", came out on 22 May 1991.
A new parameter. Shit.
So, to recap: our time window for the events depicted in "Mario's Cafe" has shrunk to the sixteen months between May 1991 (when PM Dawn became known to British people) and November 1992 (when work on Saint Etienne's So Tough was completed). And we have to let Tuesday go. Onwards.
So, when - within our time frame - might you have seen The KLF?
There were no gigs. But they did quite a lot of TV.
Thu 7 Nov 1991: TOTP
Thu 5 Dec 1991: TOTP
Wed 25 Dec 1991: Christmas TOTP
Sat 8 Feb 1992: Going Live
Wed 12 Feb 1992: BRIT Awards
Thu 5 Mar 1992: TOTP
There were no gigs. But they did quite a lot of TV.
Thu 7 Nov 1991: TOTP
Thu 5 Dec 1991: TOTP
Wed 25 Dec 1991: Christmas TOTP
Sat 8 Feb 1992: Going Live
Wed 12 Feb 1992: BRIT Awards
Thu 5 Mar 1992: TOTP
Now, when did Eubank "win the fight"?
Chris Eubank won four fights in that period. The one closest to a KLF television appearance, however, was on Saturday 1st February 1992 when he defeated Thulani Malinga at Birmingham NEC to retain the WBO Super Middleweight title.
Chris Eubank won four fights in that period. The one closest to a KLF television appearance, however, was on Saturday 1st February 1992 when he defeated Thulani Malinga at Birmingham NEC to retain the WBO Super Middleweight title.
The Malinga fight was Eubank's big comeback after the tragic September 1991 fight which left Michael Watson in a coma, and was the centre of much media attention.
It was still in the rear view mirror when The KLF appeared on the BRIT Awards on Wednesday 12th February 1992.
It was still in the rear view mirror when The KLF appeared on the BRIT Awards on Wednesday 12th February 1992.
The KLF's appearance at the BRIT Awards was highly memorable. They performed "3AM Eternal" with grindcore band Extreme Noise Terror, fired machine gun blanks into the audience, and dumped a dead sheep at the aftershow.
You would definitely talk about it in the cafe the next day.
You would definitely talk about it in the cafe the next day.
So, everything's pointing at the date of the events depicted in "Mario's Cafe" by Saint Etienne being...
THURSDAY 13th FEBRUARY 1992.
"Ah" you ask, "but what about the weather?"
After extensive research, I've found out that it was 6 degrees and raining heavily in London. BOOM!
THURSDAY 13th FEBRUARY 1992.
"Ah" you ask, "but what about the weather?"
After extensive research, I've found out that it was 6 degrees and raining heavily in London. BOOM!
Still, shame about the whole Tuesday thing. But it's not the only bit of misdirection in the song. One thing we know for sure about “Mario's Cafe” is that it doesn't take place in Mario's Cafe, but in Moonlight Cafe opposite Tufnell Park tube. Bob Stanley told me that once.
Bob confirms the identity of the real Mario's Cafe here:
https://www.kentishtowner.co.uk/2013/05/06/music-20-years-of-marios-cafe-by-saint-etienne
However, he also says the song was written in 1991, which – if true – sends me back to square one.
But I am sticking my fingers in my ears and pretending not to hear. I AM NOT STARTING THIS AGAIN.
https://www.kentishtowner.co.uk/2013/05/06/music-20-years-of-marios-cafe-by-saint-etienne
However, he also says the song was written in 1991, which – if true – sends me back to square one.
But I am sticking my fingers in my ears and pretending not to hear. I AM NOT STARTING THIS AGAIN.
