I remember a birthday some years ago - a Saturday . I went to work and came back knowing there was no food in my fridge, nothing to make the day. @dj_switchaholic called me around 10pm to wish me Happy Birthday and when she heard the day I'd had, insisted on taking me for a drink

We went to Waterside and had a couple of beers. It saved what had up till then been a horrible day.

Probably the year after that, I couldn't celebrate again. Lola Okoye's birthday is the day before mine, so she organized and as they rang her birthday out, they rang mine in. It was such typical generosity for Lola. Always ready to share and to give.

The joy I live these days is hard won. I take note of every single moment of sunlight because I know, I know every moment when life was unrelenting grey. I looked at that avocado today and took note of how full it made my heart to see such a seemingly little thing

There are many people who held me up when I could barely stand. Not only that, they did their best to never make me feel like it was because I was incapable. I was never lessened by their care and their presence.

I take a breath today and let it out and feel only peace and clarity and gratitude and I think of those days when I could barely breathe, the days when the waters threatened to swallow me.

I did not drown.

It's a week to my birthday and all I feel is gratitude. Gratitude for sunny days and watermelon blooms and perfect avocados and a glass of wine on the balcony. Taking stock right now and all I feel is grateful. It's a big deal.

There are many on my TL who have sadness always on the periphery, never far enough to forget, never far enough to let you take a full breath. Today I pray for you that moment when you sit and take stock, you inhale and exhale and all you feel is gratitude. You will not drown.