A thread, then.
CW: 2020, trauma, exes, memory of abuse and medical trauma, covid

The story of this year for me begins at the very end of last year.
A desperate trip to Toronto in the hopes of finding closure.

I flew there late on December 30th. It was our 2nd anniversary.
We'd broken up and gotten back together "more casually" before, back in October, and they'd been telling people since then that I was <generic mumble abusive>

Turns out that's always what they'd do.
Cut people off if they stayed in touch with anyone they'd been with before.
I spent 9 days there.
The screaming and the accusations started 2 days in.
I shouldn't have stayed the whole trip.

I got to meet a couple mutual people in person, though.
Spent 7 hours at a library because the person I was there in Toronto to be with broke their promise to have time for me and went to launch their career as a literary agent.

Through all of this, I was bleeding. Bleeding, bleeding. I started on a pill to try to stop bleeding back in October, and it stopped the cramps but I bled for 7 months straight.

I came home on Jan 8th to a house flooded with sewage because of a backup.
Yes, that does feel like a prediction of the year.

That weekend I hooked up with a friend that I never should've dated... like my soon to be ex in Toronto, we had conflicting trauma responses.
That weekend a fire elemental left bread crumbs on my flirtback Friday thread.

In January I also started talking to potential dates on OKC and Tinder and trying out other apps.
Let me tell you. They're nonsense. People are nonsense.

I also picked up my blackberries and wrote a post about January blackberries and my Toronto person got so mad at me for subtweeting them that I finally broke it off entirely!
We agreed to try to stay friends. Because they wanted me to keep them on my phone contract.

Pretty much right after that is when I started talking on the phone with Eve, and we delved deep into each other's lives, and the friend I was dating and I clashed and broke up like, right after valentines day.
Woo.

right before the breakup though I bought the haunted cabinet! Tried to get it into my car and couldn't! So that friend had another friend grab it for me. I gave them jam.

Now mid February is when the covid whispers started around here.
It's also when my brother, who was so violent toward me that I cut the whole family off, suddenly started messaging me. Actually on the last date with that friend.

Mid February is also when my job decided that I needed to switch gears and focus on an entirely different area, making me feel super concerned about job security (hah)

and mid February is about when I told Eve that I had room for them, and the kids, if they wanted to move in with me when their contract ended.
... in December.

My 4yo got really, really sick near the end of February. They said it was the flu and a double ear infection, but they weren't testing for covid yet and he was in daycare next to the base where our first known cases showed up.

I got something nasty from him. It acted like my allergy cycle, but two months early. Sneezing and coughing until my head and chest were horribly congested. Lasted at least 7 days, and I was out for a lot of it.

My good friend M came to visit then, on the way home from seeing L for a while.
M was real sick, I took her to the emergency room a couple days in.

They still weren't testing for covid, but we're pretty sure that's what she had.

I didn't get sick again. I'd just recovered.

M visiting is how I realized I couldn't stay vegan. Not with the fact that my Toronto ex had demanded it of me.
I cried in the grocery store at the thought of buying smoked salmon.
(So now I'm vegetarian with occasional fish)

On March 13 I told work I wasn't going to be in for 2 weeks, self isolating just in case.
Then the following day, Eve came.
That was March 14.
We knew they'd get trapped otherwise.
We were supposed to go to the hot springs and then they'd go visit their kids in April In OK.

on March 15 they got the call that they'd been exposed to covid on the 11th.
A couple days later their symptoms flared. If you follow us both you can read their account.
I did not get sick, but I was now caretaker.

I couldn't go get my coffee every day, couldn't drink my mint tea because Eve has a trauma response to mint, and couldn't go get my breakfast burritos.
I had to restructure everything.

The next couple months are already a blur. By the end of my self isolation the kids had gone to full remote work, I had gone to full remote work, and since Eve was almost incapacitated I went for groceries once a week and did kid exchange and otherwise isolated.

I spent the isolation time fully rearranging my entire house because I needed room to put 4-5 more kids.
On a day when they had energy Eve helped me build a shed.
My apple seedlings died to a late snow.

I carried my glass shelves and a bunch of metal shelves and all kinds of furniture here and there, so much physical hauling. Some time in April I think I mildly tore my right rotator cuff. It still hurts.

Very early April is when I realized the Toronto ex had spent the last few months reaching! Out! To! Everyone! telling them that they couldn't be friends with both of us, and that I'd allegedly abused them.

I'd find out that they would do this every time, and I am still friends with the friend they wanted me to stop being friends with because THEY were still friends with another of my ex's exes.

As a result, I reached out to say I couldn't keep them on my cellphone and media accts.
They got very angry with me, accused me of being petty and not who they thought I was, and blocked me everywhere.
Literal days after I had introduced them to someone to help their career.

Also in April it became clear that Eve wouldn't be able to go back to work for some time, and that they weren't going to get paid the disability their workplace had promised.
So we made a plan to go get the kids because Eve was paying all their bills and running out of $.

We were going to go in April, but I could only go the second week. So we told the ex husband all this and enrolled the kids in school and planned for May, during mother's day.
We scheduled the hotel and the moving truck and my time away.

We got there, and it was a NIGHTMARE.
The house was a complete disaster.
Holes everywhere. Refuse. Smells. Junk piled everywhere.
The kids told me they weren't eating but sometimes 1x a day. 17 was peeing in bottles. Almost everything had to be thrown away.

The moving place didn't want to let me have my truck and I now think he knew the ex husband and it was on purpose.
The kids were not packed. The ex wouldn't make eye contact. Finding vegetarian food in small town OK is VERY HARD.

The kids met me for the first time as I helped them bag up their stuff. They had almost nothing, except 9B who had everything (note: 9B is the only child the ex husband considers his)

17 had NOTHING we could safely bring. I bought him clothes from walmart.
13 had two small totes.
Only 9B had a bed.

We brought them back on May 13th, which was 17's birthday.

I had to buy everything, beds and clothes and things. I thought I was prepared but I had no idea.
Charged my credit right up.

Eve pretty much relapsed completely when we got back from driving those kids 16 hours.
On the way home I turned my head to something and knocked the cover off my driver side mirror because autopilot couldn't see the cones.

After all this building and rebuilding and moving, my body starts flaring too. Do I have RA? Do I have EDS? What is even wrong? (This is not actually a question, I have a thread about this stuff)

All the kids' alt family tried to force us to bring the kids back in various ways.
The oldest, who's 19 now and doesn't live with us, visited for 3 weeks.
He went back telling everyone that I'm "backwards" and "brainwashing"

I...ok.

Shortly after he left, Kiba, my 12-year-old dog, died.

Ten days later, so did Spooky, my youngest cat who was only 6. That was much more sudden.

I had to tell both my exes about both of these deaths. They'd caused me immeasurable grief but they'd both been in these pets' lives.

The kids' school was clearly going to be remote.
So I also had to get laptops for the 3 oldest, repurpose the chromebook that 15 had for 9B to use.
And had to get a laptop for Eve because their ex had tapped their laptop, clearly, and added a bunch of bios passwords.

By now Eve is up to 3 dr appts a week plus 2 each therapy and PT.
And then we try to adopt some more cats, and find the LesBeans have health problems that cause 2 weeks of delay.

And then.
On the night before the first day of school.
15 comes out as a trans guy from the inside of the ER after trying to take his own life.

And then, while all this is going on, the yoga teacher takes a personal exception to 17 and our "no video rule" so I spend all day eating school faces on the phone.

And then.
A week later when we get him home finally, the same day, a certified letter comes that the ex husband is suing for custody of 9B. From Oklahoma.
And we have to scramble to find a lawyer. (found)

So this has been my year so far. Not including all of the political and social nightmares.

Unexpectedly got blocked by another sudden ex during this thread so I guess I'll mention that also the day after 15's event we had a morning message saying we didn't have enough time for someone we were both seeing, sorry about your dead pets and hurting kid, so byeeee.
Ohkay.

I did get to talk to 17 today about how the pandemic has accidentally allowed me to be the stay at home parent so uhhhh, yay?

Y'all I went from 2 part time kids under 10 to 4 full time and 2 part time kids, all overnight.
And they don't hate me anymore, I think.

They're not even mad about being vegetarian anymore.
And they eat almost every meal.
And they're growing. Oh gods they're growing.

I forgot to add that my sister started texting me wild shit from multiple numbers again, demanding I prove I'm me.
This year, y'all.