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all of the people who are abused and/or manipulated in relationships and are COMPLETELY unaware of it break my heart. i wish red flags of toxic relationships were more publicly shared :(
that being said i’m going to make a list of red flags/manipulative & controlling behaviors in relationships that everyone should be aware of!
1. ur s/o controlling what u wear in any way “you should wear this instead” “i don’t want you to wear this” “this doesn’t look good” “i don’t wanna be seen with you wearing that” when ur s/o feels confident wearing something & it boosts their self esteem, u should ONLY support it
*this doesn’t mean u can’t input ur honest opinion when they ask for it! if they ask “is this flattering on me” it’s ABSOLUTELY okay to say “i think we could find something better!” but when they’re confident & feel good in what they’re wearing, that’s the only thing that matters
2. deleting/managing info on ur phone. this is one of the more “normalized” manipulations i see. if they’re going thru ur phone & unfollowing people, deleting notifications, texts, changing settings, etc w/o you being FULLY aware of what they’re doing, that’s a huge red flag.
3. tellin u what u can & cant do. no matter what it is. ur a grown adult & a human being w the capability of making ur own decisions. u know what’s best for u, & ur s/o should never try to control/change ur choices. if they don’t agree w the choices u make, u aren’t the right fit
*this does not mean u & ur s/o can’t discuss a situation where one of u is uncomfy. but NEVER should the words “i don’t want you to *do this*” be spoken. if u discuss the way someone feels in a situation & u come to a VALIDATED consensus TOGETHER that u BOTH agree w, this is ok!
4. ignoring ur love languages. if u ask for more words of affirmation and ur s/o responds with “i don’t do that in relationships” then u need to be with someone who does or find a comfy middle ground for BOTH of you. if your needs are not met, this isn’t the relationship for u.
5. if ur afraid to communicate w ur s/o out of concern for their reaction. ur partner should be someone ur comfy w telling things to in confidence. i.e. i was scared to tell my ex if someone ever flirted w me bc she would get angry w ME. my current gf makes jokes about it w me!
6. feeling guilty or ashamed about what makes you happy. you should be able to celebrate your accomplishments with your s/o! i.e. getting a new high score in a video game, and your partner replies with “i don’t understand why you’re so into that game, it’s stupid” BIG red flag!
7. unwanted physical touch. if ur s/o tries to touch u after u told them “hey pls don’t” this is unhealthy! it doesn’t matter what ur reasoning is, if ur partner has been made aware not to touch u in a certain way, & they ignore that boundary by continuing to, this is a red flag.
8. i feel like i don’t even have to put this on here but i’m going to: if ur partner pushes, kicks, slaps, or uses physical force w u when it is NOT WANTED this is abuse by definition. *i only say when unwanted bc it’s a common kink to be slapped/choked/restricted during sex*
9. if ur s/o disrespects a communicative boundary u have set. if u said, “i don’t want to talk right now” “leave me alone” or “i need space” & ur s/o ignores that boundary by continuing to make an attempt to talk to u or saying “no we’re talking about this now” it’s a red flag!
* this excludes check ups. when my gf asks for space, i give her space until she comes to me. however, i do send an occasional “hey just checking up on you, love you” to let her know i’m still being attentive and that i care *
10. your s/o making direct self-accusations during productive discussions. i.e. ur explaining to them that you need more reassurance and they say, “i’m sorry i can’t do anything right, i’m the worst partner ever”
11. ur s/o making you question your own sanity or ability. i.e. “you’re being emotional” “i never said that” “you’re being sensitive” “i wouldn’t have done that to you” “it’s not a big deal” “i was just joking” THIIIIS is gaslighting! Twitter
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**** note: this doesn’t mean that arguments and disagreements aren’t okay! every couple argues and it’s impossible to agree with everything your partner says and does. the way you go about your disagreements is what’s important https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">
