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Today marks one year since I started HRT.
I don’t want to list everything that’s happened to me this year, because it’s been a lot. Some of it painful, some of it joyous, all of it necessary. What I would like to talk about is change.
1/10
I don’t want to list everything that’s happened to me this year, because it’s been a lot. Some of it painful, some of it joyous, all of it necessary. What I would like to talk about is change.
1/10
When I started HRT I told everyone, including myself, that I’d be the same old me but better. Happier. More productive. I was so very wrong. The old me was a performance that I’d honed over the last four decades. The real me was hiding behind the curtain the whole time.
2/10
2/10
The real me holds all the same experiences the old me had. She’d pop out here and there, but for the most part she was a bystander. I find my memories are still clear, but it’s as though those memories are someone else’s now. And the feelings associated with them are dulled.
3/10
3/10
I didn’t expect the level of change in my personality transition would bring either. I’m so much more confident than ever before. Even more empathetic. Emotional in ways I didn’t know were possible. And able to communicate with those I love better than ever before.
4/10
4/10
It sounds like hyperbole, but I truly believe that colours are brighter now. For once in my life I see the world around me because I don’t walk through it looking at my feet. Everything is more vibrant and full of life. Including me.
5/10
5/10
My sense of style went from trying not to be noticed, to full on “look at me” as my confidence grew. I am truly blessed with my mother’s build (the only good thing she gave me) and every day I feel the need to take advantage of it before it disappears.
6/10
6/10
I didn’t suffer from traditional dysphoria until after I put a name to being transgender. I thought everyone walked through life not feeling right in their body. That you just dealt with it. Once I knew who I was, I couldn’t wait for that old face to disappear.
7/10
7/10
I still wake up each day and see a man in the mirror. HRT is not a magic bullet that changes the way our brains perceive ourselves overnight. That takes a lot more personal work. And I’m happy to say I see a little less of “him” every day.
8/10
8/10
I lost some interest in my old escapes; video games especially. The dark places of solitude I’d hide away in became far less interesting with a whole world of light waiting for me outside.
9/10
9/10
Most importantly I love myself now. And I see a future beyond what’s right in front of me. I can feel joy again, something I’d lost the ability to do over the years. And all it took were some simple chemical changes and the courage to be myself.
10/10
10/10
