Ya’ll...I think I’m depressed...

I wont get too deep but I noticed it takes A SHIT TON of energy to get going to do anything and even when I do get going, sometimes I just randomly stop and stand around and do nothing for 5 minutes to just completely stopping what im doing.

Like all this month I was supposed to record the next snare drum in my collection and release it to my patreon on the 28th...its the 26th...no script, no performance, no video.

Then there are times where I just look at my current living condition be it how my parents just hate each other, or my home literally falling apart, being almost 30 without owning a car or home or just being black in a America and it just bogs me down from doing anything

But throughout my life I’ve had these feelings but, I always was able to push them aside, push myself and practice and feel better.

But the older I got that feeling slowly faded away for me for many reasons that I wont disclose here because its a conglomerate of things.

But yeah it seems like even if I set deadlines for myself its just hard to get started and when I finish, I cant celebrate because Im constantly looking for the next thing or am trying to build a buffer.