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Now, this is the story all about how my plans got flipped turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how I "leaked out of the pipeline." /1
Multiple people have told me they paid attention to what I did as a grad student/postdoc because I seemed to be doing "all the right things" on the path to becoming a faculty member. Honestly, this is flattering because my goal/intent was to do "all the right things." /2
I tried to check LOTS of boxes. Through my PhD/PD, I earned 3 fellowships and helped write 2 R01s. I trained dozens of other PDs, grads, and UGs. I went out of my way to learn 'buzzword' techniques, while doing careful experiments and analysis in areas I found interesting. /3
I did "extra curriculars" I found fulfilling. Lots of sci outreach, multiple teaching positions, extensive involvement with @ASCBiology and @YalePostdocAsso. These helped me 'build my network' (as did Twitter), though honestly that wasn't the original intent. /4
So what changed? End of 2019 my PD advisor solidified retirement plans for summer 2021. I did know retirement was coming sometime, but this put a hard deadline on things. It was too late to apply for anything that cycle, meaning only one cycle to land a TT position. /5
Pre-COVID, I didn't know hiring freezes were imminent. I did know that I only had 2 1st au papers. There are lots of reasons why this number wasn’t higher, but that’s a thread for another day. /6
I went to the ASCB 2019 meeting with the aim of questioning people about my shot at a job with this CV. The broad consensus was, “You’re not a good enough candidate. Do another postdoc.” /7
This has shocked some to whom I’ve relayed the story, but I don’t share this to in any way disparage the folks who gave me this assessment. On the contrary, I really appreciated their candor. /8
I had to decide if I wanted to uproot my and my DH’s life again for another temporary position with low pay, poor security, and no guarantee that my luck would change and I could publish more and faster. /9
I admitted to myself that I felt I had spent the last decade of my life *waiting* for life to begin. Always aiming at the next thing, not living my life because if I spent 100% of myself on work then maybe I'd get to that next thing. /10
I asked what the best-case scenario looked like. Even if I miraculously landed a TT position in fall of 2020 (
), I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. The “next thing” would be grants, papers, students, and ultimately tenure. Just thinking about it I felt burnt out. /11
), I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. The “next thing” would be grants, papers, students, and ultimately tenure. Just thinking about it I felt burnt out. /11
I wanted time. Time to spend with my family, with my husband, my friends. Time for hobbies I haven’t engaged in in years. I wanted to not feel guilty about spending that time because of it reflecting poorly on my “dedication” to science. /12
So I began reaching out to people I knew “on the outside.” I asked them about their paths to where they are, their lives now. I began applying for things, and people even started approaching me because friends had strategically put the word out that I was looking. /13
Like so many looking to leave the academy, I kept this as quiet as possible. One person whom I did not intend to inform found out accidentally and lectured me, announcing that “everything else is just as bad, people are lying to you.” /14
I was floored by the response to my applications. People said I was highly skilled and well-rounded. Two months prior, faculty member after faculty member shook their head at my CV and said “not good enough.” The whiplash was unreal. /15
Some have asked if I regretted doing a PD at all, conventional wisdom says leave for industry after PhD. But I developed significantly as a manager, mentor, and leader during my PD through 'extra curriculars' and grew a lot in that time. /16
During my PD, I was warned not to do so much because it wouldn’t “count” with a faculty search committee. However, those same activities were pinpointed in my job interviews as positives, so take that as you will. (I.e. do the stuff you want to do) /17
I’m unsure of how to close this out, but I’ll say yes, I ticked the boxes and I followed the path. But when push came to shove and I hadn’t been in the right place at the right time for my publications, I was able to do some soul searching and change my plans. /18
I did grieve for the life I thought I'd lead, but I also realized the faculty job I wanted didn’t really exist anyway. I'd have broken myself on the ivory tower trying to change it. Frankly, the academy doesn’t deserve that sacrifice. And that's something for another thread. /fin
Post-script: This is clearly resonating with people. If you're a grad student/postdoc trying to figure out how one *might* navigate out of the academy, or even just a pep talk about how YOU DO HAVE SKILLS that others want, my DMs are open.
