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Ramble ON.
When all the previously collected unexpressed vulnerability has the chance to hit safely...
Cause you don’t need to survive, run, smile, shove it where it can’t be weaponised...
Then you can also look back and realise how strong, resilient, and brave you are.
When all the previously collected unexpressed vulnerability has the chance to hit safely...
Cause you don’t need to survive, run, smile, shove it where it can’t be weaponised...
Then you can also look back and realise how strong, resilient, and brave you are.
Approaching vulnerability without falling into victimhood can be an art, though.
I, willingly and by accident, decided to go all in on this during this reclusive time. Cause it feels quite similar to that process anyway, seems perfect timing for inner maintenance.
I, willingly and by accident, decided to go all in on this during this reclusive time. Cause it feels quite similar to that process anyway, seems perfect timing for inner maintenance.
One of the things I realised is that I somehow forgot how intelligent I actually am.
I am trying get close again to something like academia in my own way, in my head I started calling it “anarcademia” cause I am big on freedom and self management.
I am trying get close again to something like academia in my own way, in my head I started calling it “anarcademia” cause I am big on freedom and self management.
I think I can pinpoint some of the reasons why at too many points being intelligent incurred in backlash, but I am reconnecting with it, and it is so beautiful.
FYI blatant intelligence in women is not that celebrated in reality. More on this someday in a blog...cast maybe, ha.
FYI blatant intelligence in women is not that celebrated in reality. More on this someday in a blog...cast maybe, ha.
The thing is, it sometimes feels like trying to reach to my cognitive areas, as if opening the door to your own house, suddenly, wrong keys, wrong house.
Like a dream. Very WTF.
Trying later, all good again.
It is disturbing.
Like a dream. Very WTF.
Trying later, all good again.
It is disturbing.
So all in, in grief, vulnerability, harshest of memories, and pains. And the small ones.
Speaking about arachnophobia, my therapist said the only real approach is exposure.
Now when I see a spider, instead of “FUCKING SHIT UGH GO AWAY” I think “Right, let the disgust in”
Speaking about arachnophobia, my therapist said the only real approach is exposure.
Now when I see a spider, instead of “FUCKING SHIT UGH GO AWAY” I think “Right, let the disgust in”
And I wasn’t realising something similar has happened with thoughts and emotions I tried to get rid of too fast, and dissociating from them.
Now it feels like I walk through this enormous spaces I didn’t want to be in, and they have more to offer I could have ever imagined.
Now it feels like I walk through this enormous spaces I didn’t want to be in, and they have more to offer I could have ever imagined.
To add to the imagery, they seemed from outside filled with threatening monsters. Once in it’s just dusty mirrors showing me distorted reflexions of myself.
I am creative and deep like that
I am creative and deep like that
On disasociating:
it is like putting that thing you don’t want to eat in a cupboard, neglecting taking care of it, forgetting it until one day a big smelly mess with loads of cockroaches makes it suddenly urgent and the difficulty to manage it has been growing exponentially.
it is like putting that thing you don’t want to eat in a cupboard, neglecting taking care of it, forgetting it until one day a big smelly mess with loads of cockroaches makes it suddenly urgent and the difficulty to manage it has been growing exponentially.
It is something every brain does automatically, here and there, to cope better.
But after prolonged hostility overtime it becomes the default.
But after prolonged hostility overtime it becomes the default.
I know I am coming out of the lethargic phase of this process (feeling what was pending to feel), because I always feel the urge to clean.
But, like, forensic cleaning.
Covering a crime cleaning.
Cleaning your cleaning tools cleaning.
So parallel to the inner experience!
But, like, forensic cleaning.
Covering a crime cleaning.
Cleaning your cleaning tools cleaning.
So parallel to the inner experience!
How domestic slaves should clean cleaning.
Cunty landlord/lady coming soon for inspection cleaning.
You found some kind of vermin or its droppings and hate the idea of if cleaning.
Cleaning as if for a photoshoot cleaning.
Be my guest to add examples here :D
Cunty landlord/lady coming soon for inspection cleaning.
You found some kind of vermin or its droppings and hate the idea of if cleaning.
Cleaning as if for a photoshoot cleaning.
Be my guest to add examples here :D
And it looks so bad in the process, but you go through every thing, and the result surpasses the previous status.
BTW, if thinking “get a sub to do it”.
Read above, obviously not! Way too intimate, I could count the people I’d allow to accompany me withe fingers of a hand
BTW, if thinking “get a sub to do it”.
Read above, obviously not! Way too intimate, I could count the people I’d allow to accompany me withe fingers of a hand
I have said it before but it does feel like I am inside of this chrysallis and sense what is beating inside, getting ready to eventually crack open and leave the old carcass behind.
I used to believe I was somehow broken, disfunctional, badly made?
Femdom and freelance sex work offering quite a versatile shape for me to fit in wherever my shape is.
Looking back I realise I experience a result of my experience. Like everybody else!
Femdom and freelance sex work offering quite a versatile shape for me to fit in wherever my shape is.
Looking back I realise I experience a result of my experience. Like everybody else!
I am pretty intense, in general.
I think intense, I feel intense.
And even though some people can’t understand it, nor respect it, without giving me unnecessary life advice, I cannot express how FREEING is to embrace it. To not feel “wrong”.
Hence this thread.
I think intense, I feel intense.
And even though some people can’t understand it, nor respect it, without giving me unnecessary life advice, I cannot express how FREEING is to embrace it. To not feel “wrong”.
Hence this thread.
Femdomwise, it is interesting because whilst, against the male gaze, the ideals of power are valued and easily eroticised, I know it’s also a very dissociative gaze, and it criminalises feelings it can not eventually cash into erections.
From a business and marketing strategy point of view, I often have my reservations regarding sharing my journey, wondering if they will affect revenue.
From a lifestyle point of view, what I want from Femdom and why I bring it to life is to bring more genuine freedom to my life
From a lifestyle point of view, what I want from Femdom and why I bring it to life is to bring more genuine freedom to my life
And what I think Femdom brings to society, is the prioritisation of (cis and not) female gaze over the (cis) male one, that holds a privileged position by default and is proving in need for check, historically speaking.
And because when you have to rise from ashes again and again, you learn a thing, or ten, about power.
Because when you aren’t given power, you have to learn how to create it, use it.
We have utilised and weaponised our lower position in the hierarchy.
Because when you aren’t given power, you have to learn how to create it, use it.
We have utilised and weaponised our lower position in the hierarchy.
We not only understand power, but also carry in our flesh the weight and pain of the abuse of it.
We have learned power from empathy.
Out of the womb you seek motherly figures for a reason.
Cause witnessing power safely is so overwhelming, it’s almost magical.
We have learned power from empathy.
Out of the womb you seek motherly figures for a reason.
Cause witnessing power safely is so overwhelming, it’s almost magical.
I mean, that besides it being jerking off material, Femdom can have social value and your dickierarchy, once again might be getting on the way of some valuable progress.
So take my oversharing as and activistic attempt to share what I consider valuable, Femdomsphere included.
So take my oversharing as and activistic attempt to share what I consider valuable, Femdomsphere included.
Think about it:
If it wasn’t highly relevant info, there wouldn’t be such a strong system around it to keep it hidden.
Thank you internet, for allowing us to communicate and uncover so much as collectives!
Btw the considered first code ever was by a woman (Ada Lovelace).
If it wasn’t highly relevant info, there wouldn’t be such a strong system around it to keep it hidden.
Thank you internet, for allowing us to communicate and uncover so much as collectives!
Btw the considered first code ever was by a woman (Ada Lovelace).
And I suddenly feel tired of typing, so
Ramble OFF
Ramble OFF
