A on my use of “illegal.” 1/x

For years now, I have struggled with how to reclaim, or in actuality, assert, my engagement with the term illegal. 2/x

In public spaces, I shift back and forth between the terms “undocumented” and “illegal” depending on the social context and who is in the room. 3/x

I generally use the term “undocumented” in the workspace and “illegal” with people who deeply understand how the state developed said categorization to dehumanize, suppress, and control BIPOC bodies. 4/x

When I came to the US in 2001, I learned that I would fall out of my B2 visitor visa status and be considered “illegal.” 5/x

My first relationship with the term “illegal,” was one of shame. 6/x

I was ashamed that I was “illegal,” not understanding the larger, long-established White supremacist, imperialist forces that led me to 1) accept said abstract value assignation to the concepts of legality and illegality, and 2) I felt I was to blame for “becoming” “illegal.” 7/x

It wasn’t until my senior year of high school when I told a college outreach specialist that I wanted to go to college but I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to because I was “illegal.” 8/x

I am confident she picked up on the shame in my voice and told me, “You need you to stop saying ‘illegal.’ No human being is illegal; you’re undocumented.” (Years later she disclosed to me she too was undocumented) 9/x

At first, I did not understand the need to reframe the term “illegal” to “undocumented.” After all, didn’t they mean the same thing? (Spoiler alert: no, they do not). 10/x

Shortly after, I began to understand the importance of reframing terms, such as “illegal” to “undocumented” as an exercise to interrogate the ~nature~ of oppressive terms and categorizations. And sure enough, that is when I adopted the term undocumented for myself. 11/x

My confort with the term “undocumented” broadened when I began reading books and academic articles written about fellow undocumented immigrants, and in particular, undocumented students—or so-called, “Dreamers.” 12/x

Words like, “Americans by heart,” “no fault of their own,” “DREAMer,” and “Dreamer” began standing out to me from the texts. The state didn’t make me feel like any of these terms applied to me but was I too all these terms and ideals? 13/x

For about two to three years, I subscribed to the “Dreamer” narrative (). After all, I could see myself reflected in the activists who were fighting for the DREAM Act in Capitol Hill, dressed up in their caps and gowns, fighting for a right to an education . 14/x

In 2009, while in college, I began getting involved in local and national efforts to pass the DREAM Act. And started the Salt Lake Dream Team. (H/t @EAlemanJrPhD for the introduction to undocumented activists from Califas and Texas). 15/x

In 2010, prior to DACA, l was one of about 100 undocumented people who risked deportation to go to Washington, DC to fight for the DREAM Act and to see it fail, yet again, in person, nine years after its original inception. (The Dream Act has yet to pass ~20 years later). 15/x

While fighting for the DREAM Act, I developed a troubled relationship with the term “Dreamer” because the scope of the bill was restrictive. Why would the gvt only focus on youth? Why would we further criminalize those who are victims of a criminal state? Dreamer? No thanks. 16/x

It wasn’t until I came back to Utah that I continued fighting for immigrant rights but in a broader sense: Comprehensive Immigrarion Reform. This is also when left the term “Dreamer” behind to solely find comfort and (re)claim the term “undocumented.” 17/x

Over the course of ten years, I have dedicated time to learning about the work of brilliant scholars who discuss the contemporary functions of settler colonialism. In particular, how the state continue to uphold ideologies set to control bodies and oppress BIPOC. 18/x

The works of @tuckeve, #wayneyang ( #lapaperson), #dolorescalderon, #mailearvin, #annettejaimes, #kehaulanikauanui, #scottlauriamorgensen, #andreasmith, and #patrickwolfe were pivotal to challenging my own understandings of my political struggle for ~legality~. Why legality? 19/x

Whose ideals of legality was I pursuing? And why? Was the material recognition of the state that important to me? And if so, why? And what are the implications of opting into being part of the state—the empire? 20/x

This is when I began critiquing my own understanding of “undocumented” and how it softens and virtually absolves the state from the production of illegality. From undocumented, I switched to “illega/lized.” I am an #illegalized person. 21/x

Concurrently with this recognition, I decided to move away from solely relying on academic scholarship and turned to public scholarship/art/text curated by current and former illegalized people including @frijoliz @kuruchitx @julio1983 #yosimarreyes and #alanpelaezlopez. 22/x

Through their brilliant public scholarship, discourse and art, I have found an intellectual space where fellow immigrants can hold the complexity of what it means to live an illegalized existence, and negotiate politics for our material survival. 23/x

Long story short: My journey to self identification hasn’t been linear and I also needed to go through all these motions to arrive to my current understanding of my illegal/ized existence in this settler colonial state.

Allies & Haters: illegal is not your word to use.
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