songfic thread based on these bad boys & heather by conan gray (tddk, one sided pinning bkg)

cw: alcoholism, suicidal tendencies

“testing, testing, one, two, three,” the sound echoes, before a soft static-like noise vibrates throughout the room. the system has slight issues, but katsuki knows this already.

being one of the oldest yet quaint bars in japan, katsuki finds himself seeking sanity in the

comforts of the bar. it’s basically his daily routine by now - he visits by himself, gets a jug of beer cause why the fuck not and drinks until he blacks out.

it’s only when headphone and her parents find him passed out on the floor - oh right, this is her bar - that he

realises he can’t be like this forever. well, he doesn’t mind dying. sure being a pro hero is his dream, but it’s no longer a reason for him to live. and he knows better than to give up entirely.

after all, those idiots ain’t letting him go.

and tonight? it’s definitely headphone’s fault.

“before we end, our last act is Ground Zero!” katsuki cringes at the cover up name, but there isn’t much he can do. he rather die on stage than reveal his identity to a bunch of extras.

as he walks over to the stool & mic, he stares at the crowd. one good thing? there’s only a black void staring back at him with the blinding lights in his bloody eyes.

another good thing? he feels safe, the weight of the guitar hanging across his right shoulder as his

nightly companion. casually, as if he has done this a million times, he lets his fingers glide across the guitar strings.

the soft murmurings decease as the strumming echoes. then, katsuki closes his eyes and sings

/I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater/

/You said it looked better on me than it did you/
/Only if you knew how much I like you/

that’s right, katsuki reminisces, that date has no business making him feel nauseous. he can still see it as clear as yesterday, even hears the voice that makes his heart race till today.

“kacchan! orange is a good colour on you,” deku squealed, snapping photos of them in the changing room. it was winter and katsuki hated deku’s entire closet. the nerd either wore an activity-labelled t-shirt or anything in green. just green.

not to brag, but deku desperately needed fashion help and katsuki was the best man for it. (he prided himself on it)

“tch, just get something already!” katsuki shouted, yet not entirely meaning it. he didn’t mind the quality time he got with deku, but jesus christ he wanted to

bring that nerd to get some parfaits. and at this rate, the shop was going to close, goddamnit.

deku gripped onto the sweater that katsuki was wearing and smiled, “i’ll get the same one as kacchan! that way we can match and you can look good too,” deku pointed to the identical

orange sweater he was wearing. the way he smiled, so earnest and full of admiration.

it almost made katsuki’s heart cracked from the yearning he painstakingly hid for years. but his heart sank as he watched deku looking outside the store.

then, he remembers. oh how could he forget?

/But I watch your eyes as he walks by/
/What a sight for sore eyes/
/Brighter than blue skies/
/He’s got you mesmerised while I die/

“ah hi todoroki!” deku chimed, ran towards the boy and wrapped his tiny arms around the boy’s waist.

katsuki watched. knew that as much as deku admired him, he’ll never get to see the look of desire and affection reserved only for icyhot.

that bloody scumbag.

was orange really his colour? because katsuki was beginning to find that colour a sight for sore eyes. especially when its accompanied by blue and red.

/Why would you ever kiss me?/
/I’m not even half as pretty/

“hey bakugou,” icyhot greeted, holding onto deku’s hand. katsuki attempted to smile, but anyone watching could clearly see that the blonde kid wanted to disappear on sight.

“icyhot you better take care of deku,” he gritted his teeth, full out scrowled at the third party. deku

laughed, as he looked at kacchan happily.

“don’t worry kacchan! we’re only going to watch the latest All Might movie, you wanna come?” if only the plural nouns were changed to singular ones, katsuki would’ve agreed without any hesitation

he would do anything to be in icyhot’s shoes. to hold deku’s hand. to watch movies with deku. to receive romantic affection from deku. he would even be quirkless, anything if it meant having deku as his

but the world wasn’t built that way.

“it’s fine, i’m tired,” katsuki forced out, holding onto the bag of clothes. deku burrowed his brows. even when he was upset, he still looked cute.

reluctantly, deku gave in, “hmm, alright then! thanks for today kacchan, we’ll see you tomorrow,”

and yeah, he remembers that day. how he watched their backs walked away, icyhot’s hand on deku’s waist. how he knew that icyhot and deku had their first kiss in the cinemas.

how sickening katsuki felt, wearing the stupid orange sweater and beige yellow scarf that deku insisted.

only to see icyhot wearing it the next day in school.

/You gave him your sweater, it’s just polyester/
/But you like him better/

katsuki knows he’s a good singer, but tonight the words sound raw even to his ears. he hears slight sobs from the extras, thinks to himself

this isn’t the worst. are his fingers bleeding? doesn’t matter anyways. katsuki raises his voice, wants to let these extras know he means every word tonight. that nothing about this performance is half-assed.

/Wish I were Heather/

/Watch as he stands with him, holding your hand/
/Put your arm ‘round his shoulder, now I’m getting colder/

after that day, anything the budding couple did made katsuki’s skin crawled. from their sneak pecks in classes to the not-so-discreet snuggle sessions during movie

nights, katsuki hated how obvious they were. and everytime deku’s eyes met his, katsuki would look away. unable to accept the ugly truth that was infront of him.

he hated icyhot to the core, wished that maybe - just maybe - if icyhot wasn’t in the picture, deku would love him

instead. subconsciously katsuki knew that wasn’t true. gotta blame it on his inferior complex and ego that got in the way of what could’ve been.

katsuki had failed deku eversince they were kids, obviously the fucking nerd wouldn’t fall for his childhood bully.

being friends with deku was enough to katsuki. that’s what he thought, until he heard the couple’s announcement to their classmates about being an official couple.

all katsuki could do was throw up and curled up in bed because life was unforgivingly cruel.

/But how could I hate him, he’s such an angel/
/But then again kinda wish he were dead/

katsuki remembers the wild rage, how he was unhinged that night itself.

“kacchan stop!” deku screamed, kicking katsuki away from icyhot. he had cornered icyhot and started attacking him.

he wasn’t thinking, katsuki remembers. all he wanted then was for icyhot to be completely out of his sight.

“stay out of this, izuku,”

izuku? they were already on first name basis? katsuki punched icyhot, blasted explosions in his face.

make it stop. make it stop.

“snap out of it kacchan!” deku shouted, had katsuki pinned to the ground. it was only when drips of blood fell onto his face, that he realised.

“please don’t hurt shouto, if you’re angry take it out on me instead,” deku croaked, face bleeding from

katsuki’s attacks. he smiled, but there was something off.

“get away from me shitty deku,” katsuki shouted, struggling to break free.

“no! i’m not gonna leave you! vent it out on me,” deku insisted, tightening his grip on katsuki’s wrists. he knew it was easy to break free,

but seeing deku’s smile and kind eyes unlocked the waterworks instead.

that was how the night ended - deku patiently waited for katsuki to cry out his unspoken feelings, and only god knew what the fuck happened to icyhot.

both boys didn’t mention about it the next day. katsuki grudgingly apologised, not because he beat icyhot up.

unknowingly to them, the apology was for the way he hated icyhot for having something that he wanted for years.

/As he walks by, what a sight for sore eyes/

/Brighter than the blue sky/

nothing changed. nothing /has/ changed. katsuki was the same impulsive brat then, and now as well.

thinking about it, katsuki never stood a chance against icyhot. despite his annoying tendencies, icyhot was a great guy. someone deserving for deku.

/He’s got you mesmerised while I die/
/Why would you ever kiss me?/

this cruel song is really reminding katsuki of cruel moments, isn’t it? the best one so far was after their internship when everyone was back to the dorms.

shitty hair claimed that icyhot and deku had a

fallout during their internship. it was shitty news, but to katsuki those were the words he wanted to hear the most.

he went out shopping to get deku’s favourite ice cream and ingredients to make katsudon for his heartbroken crush. he was going to be there for deku, and perhaps

this time he could even confess to the shitty nerd! it didn’t matter if it wasnt reciprocated, just telling deku about his feelings would mean there could be a slight chance in the near future.

and katsuki was betting it all on that chance. no turning back.

once katsuki was done with cooking, he placed the bowl of katsudon onto the tray beside two ice cream popsicles. pinky was able to get him rose petals, which he used to decorate the tray even more.

the finishing touch? katsuki’s personal copy of the first All Might movie which

they used to watch together as kids. it was a solid plan, and nothing could ruin it.

oh so he thought back then.

as he carried the tray to deku’s room, he realised that something was wrong. for starters, deku never left his room unlocked and unattended.

“oi deku, you gotta lock your door—“

katsuki trailed off as two shirtless boys stared back at him, like deers caught in the headlights. even in the dimmed light, he could see the bite marks and bruises along the pretty stained freckles.

“ah kacchan! i’m sorry,” deku jumped away from icyhot, who was glaring at katsuki with annoyance. katsuki scoffed, shook his head and left the room anyways.

he could hear the damn nerd calling out his name, and it sickens him when he saw how those eyes looked at him with pity.

but goddamnit his hands were shaking and tears were forming at the corner of his eyes. his only chance was robbed away, and he couldn’t think straight. lost, devastated, gone.

once he was out of sight, he threw the entire tray into the bin and screamed for a really long time.

he didn’t know exactly how long he was screaming for, only remembers that shitty hair and pinky found him in such a distraught scene.

it’s been years since that happened, katsuki thinks to himself. the pain isn’t as bad, but some nights

he finds himself struggling to live on without deku. how pathetic has he become, the great katsuki bakugou?

katsuki’s voice is the only noise that fills the bar. can’t tell if the extras left or are captivated by katsuki’s sappy singing. oh wells, this isn’t about them.

/I’m not even half as pretty/
/You gave him your sweater, it’s just polyester/

katsuki opens his eyes, his fingers slowing down. the song is about to end, and he hopes that he can start to forget all these terrible memories.

as he stares into the dark void, something catches his eyes. oh no. no. no. no.

he can’t stop himself. he has to finish this song. yet his eyes are lock onto a pair of big green ones instead. his heart catapults inside his chest, dread pooling in his stomach

/But you like him better/
/I wish I were Heather/

stupid deku. why are you crying while wearing that same damned orange sweater?

i’ve uploaded this threadfic onto my AO3! enjoy reading babies & thank you for your support https://archiveofourown.org/works/26265469 

hey thank you for reading & supporting my angsty works! if you wanna show your appreciation, i’ll accept a kofi (date) https://ko-fi.com/h0ekage28