I mean to a great extent I do a very good job of acting like I'm not as depressed and angry and afraid as I am, but not a good enough job to convince certain people that I recognise how objectively funny and good looking they are.

I dunno. Most of my life has just been torture to be honest. This is the enduring appeal of Buddhism. It has just given me some clearly very effective tools for overcoming all the suffering. If you think I look upset now, you wouldn't believe the agony of the past

I've done a pretty good job of keeping up appearances, but it's lent my features a blank quality because I rarely get a chance to express myself freely. My face remains ready to present to the DWP at all times

Another way of putting it is that a lot of the time I might be wanting to kill myself or a family member but I need to go out and buy bread. So you learn a fairly mild and blank mask to hide the distress