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Dealing with the news that I have cancer has been difficult, not even sure I still 100% accept that I have it. A tiny part of me still thinks it& #39;s a dream (a nightmare to be more exact). People have reacted in varying ways, some of which have left me gobsmacked:
(Thread - 13!)
(Thread - 13!)
The person who tilts their head, screws up their face in pity and overdoes the sympathy: I get it.People are trying to show they care but when they do it, it starts to feel patronising. Makes me think that you think I& #39;m going to die imminently and that& #39;s not helpful.
The person who bursts into tears: It& #39;s not your problem to sob about. Don& #39;t make it about you. If I& #39;m trying to be positive, join me. If I& #39;m feeling negative, be positive. I might disagree with you but you& #39;ll just have to persevere.
The person who looks at you in shock and then makes an excuse and hurriedly leaves: This is the hardest one to deal with. This happened to me in a supermarket and I was left standing there like a lemon on my own. I couldn& #39;t move, I was so taken aback.
The person who comes straight back at you with positivity: They believe I will get better even if they don& #39;t know. They are encouraging about the amount of treatments available. These are usually people who have already been through a similar situation
The person who says they will hope for good news for me: You think there& #39;s a possibility I might die. There might be, but I don& #39;t want to hear it.I want to hear that everything will be alright because I& #39;m scared. In my head I& #39;m a little girl who wants her mummy to make it better
If someone chooses to share their cancer news with you it means they trust you with that news, they want YOU to know. Be flattered that we trust you enough to tell you. It& #39;s not easy, and we might cry. But we need you to be strong. We need you to tell us it will be ok.
Please don& #39;t over react. Just be normal. Acknowledge that it must be hard for them but talk about hope. Be upbeat in your voice and say how you are going to help. You don& #39;t have to understand anything about cancer to make someone feel less alone than they are feeling right now
You might be able offer yourself as a taxi, surprise them with a meal to pop in their freezer for when they are feeling too rough to cook, offer childcare, ring them each day if they would like. A short text everyday just to check in on them so they know you are thinking of them
Send them something to make them laugh. If they feel up to it, go round with a slice of cake and just make time for chat.
Above all, just be there. If you don& #39;t know what to say, say so. We understand. You don& #39;t need to make anything up. Also accept that sometimes, as I have shown here, you can never say the right thing. You mean well, but we just don& #39;t have the brain space to deal with it right now
BUT - please don& #39;t give up trying. I may be struggling today and it comes across as ungrateful but tomorrow I may need your support more than ever. I will have good days and bad days but please be there.
...oh, and bring hope with you 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤗" title="Umarmendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Umarmendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz"> (...and don& #39;t forget the cake)
