When non-disabled people say things like "but that's illegal! Just sue." when we face discrimination, we usually point out that we often lack the resources, ability, energy, and often proof to do this, and that's true and important, but there's another thing people should know:

If you end up having to sue more than once (and let's be real: if we sued people each time they discriminated against us, that'd be a lot of lawsuits), you are then seen as having a history of being litigious, and this is used to paint you as frivolous and dishonest.

There's a similar issue around advocating for our rights: If we do it "too much" we're seen as unreasonable people who are just looking for reasons to be upset. And it doesn't take a lot to be seen as advocating for yourself too much when people don't want you to do it at all.

So we have to make hard choices, and we shouldn't be shamed either way. If someone is capable of advocating for themselves frequently and does it, that person isn't unreasonable. They're strong and brave and doing something that will benefit many, not just them.

But if someone is too tired, not in a safe space to advocate for themselves (because of abuse, because of health reasons, because they might lose their job), or doesn't know how to advocate for themselves, that person isn't lesser. That person deserves rights too.

I'm not saying we always react perfectly when facing discrimination and mistreatment. I certainly don't. But we shouldn't have to always react perfectly to be treated properly.

We shouldn't have to do every little thing people think they would in our place in order for them to deem us worthy of help.

And it's not as though we all get the same amount of respect and support when we advocate for ourselves either. Many in our community are marginalized in other ways, and have to work even harder than the rest of us to be taken seriously.

Sometimes there's no great option, but it doesn't mean *you're* not doing great. Maybe you didn't do what someone else might have done, but it doesn't mean you let yourself down. You're you, not them.