Hi white friends, can we talk about performative allyship for a second? About keeping our heads down and doing the work vs telling everyone we’re doing the work? Let’s even think about this as “show vs tell”

I get that there’s a lot of anxiety around wanting to prove that you’re a “good white person” to our friends, to the public.... and, let’s be honest, to ourselves

You have to be able to sit with that anxiety and discomfort and accept it and move past it. And ask yourself, always “who is this helping?”

“Am I in this Black person’s mentions because I truly believe saying “I’m sorry that happened to you” or “ugh I can’t believe white people do this!” is really helping? Am I promoting art/products by Black people (that, let’s face it, you prob haven’t bought yourself) genuinely?

“What can I do that would actually help?” (e.g., educating other white people, donating money and time, purchasing and actually CONSUMING Black-created art/products, holding space for your friends who may need it/you)

(Apologizing genuinely when you’ve done wrong and then educating yourself and shutting up about it and DOING THE WORK.)

I’m not perfect in this. It’s totally human to want other people to think you’re a good person, but there’s no such thing as “being a good person.” There’s doing good, and there’s doing harm.

And often, by popping up to prove publicly how much of an ally you are, you’re harming people. Leaching energy, demanding emotional labor, gaslighting, dehumanizing. It’s easier to look yourself in the mirror when you are doing work, instead of just telling yourself something.

Back to the “show vs tell” — in this case, doing the work is showing. Not to other people, to yourself. Telling people you’re an ally is harmful and time and energy that can be better spent elsewhere.

Here’s the challenge: the next time you’re about to jump into someone’s mentions or RT a book you know deep down you’re not going to get around to reading anytime soon, do ONE thing, instead. Donate. Make calls. READ that other book.

You’ll feel better. Which is the weird thing, because it’s not about how you feel anyway — but at least the feeling better will be the motivation to do the next thing. And the next. And the next.