things I noticed at my lw; a thread —

freezing cold —

I was wearing at least 2 layers of clothing at all times. Any less than that and I was shivering like mad. This is NOT a good way to burn calories. My fingers were blue and my lips were purple.

weakness —

Everyday I felt weaker than the day before. My legs would give out going up stairs and I was constantly late to class because of it. I was light headed 24/7 and nothing helped. Showering was a nightmare - standing for 10-15 min straight? No thanks.

fainting —

Ah my favorite!!! I’d pass out at least 3x a week! Once in the shower, I stood up and there was blood on the shower floor - no idea where it came from :) I’d faint in public spaces all the time because I didn’t have the nutrients in my body to keep me moving.

acid reflux —

Another favorite!!! Nearly every evening I’d wake up between 1-4 am with the overwhelming urge to puke even tho I’d not eaten anything in days. And yet, I’d puke up stomach acid and dry heave for minimum 10 min straight only to go back to bed weaker than before.

lying —

I became a compulsive liar. First it was little fibs about not wanting to eat with friends or why i workout so often. It soon turned into massive lies and I convinced myself that my lies were reality. No one trusted me anymore - I couldn’t even trust myself.

rudeness —

You know when you’re “hangry”? Yeah. I was like that 24/7. Even after I’d eaten. I would snap at anyone and everyone. You know what that means! Yep! Losing friendships!!!

lack of focus —

Ah yes. I lost all ability to focus on anything at all. My mind was floating around all the time, often thinking of nothing at all and just zoning out. As you can imagine, this made school incredibly difficult.

hair loss —

I have incredibly thick and fairly long hair and I was losing it in clumps. Everyday I’d lose at least twice as much as the day before. Bald spots formed and I couldn’t even comb it or more would fall out. I seriously considered shaving my head to hide it.

tiredness —

Due to mental health issues, I’m already fatigued quite often and this did not help. I would sleep 13 hours and still not feel well-rested. Falling asleep during class, sometimes while driving, or literally during conversations were some of the worst bouts I’ve had.

no photos —

Lots of people with eds think that you’d love to take photos at your lw - you feel thin and cute, right?! Wrong :) I didn’t want any photos taken of myself unless I could CONFIRM I looked the way I wanted. Meaning, I only allowed myself to take photos of myself.

lanugo —

This is when the body tries to warm itself by growing extra hair. I looked like Bigfoot and shaved everyday. But ofc that didn’t help. It wasn’t cute and grew on my arms and back. It was so hard to hide and it often doesn’t go away after recovery.

self-hatred —

Again, contrary to popular belief:

YOU DO NOT BECOME MORE CONFIDENT OR HAPPY AT YOUR LW!!!

You still hate yourself and are probably MORE self-conscious than before. Fun!

aches and pains —

My body ached. All over. Constantly. For so many reasons including, but not limited to...

- stomach pain bc you can’t shit
- knee/back/neck/hip pain from walking/standing
- foot pain from walking
- mouth pain from teeth and chewing
- full body pain from ???

clothing —

Last but not least, one of the BIGGEST misconceptions about your lw:

YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO BUY WHATEVER YOU WANT BECAUSE IT WILL NOT FIT.

Everything - I mean EVERYTHING - will be too big. You can’t wear anything that doesn’t have a drawstring or isn’t kid’s size.

ofc there were many more things but these are some of the worst (that I’m willing to share). yes I know eds are mental illnesses - I had one for 5 (five) years.

P L E A S E choose recovery. if you don’t think you can on your own, reach out to your loved ones.

they care.

eating disorders are NOT:

- cute
- trendy
- fun
- weight loss methods
- ways to make people jealous
- healthy
- a diet

they are damaging and lethal. stop glamorizing them.