45 minutes into breakingdawn p.1 and Adrienne, Chelsey and I have messaged one another 342 times

Anyways this is the first time in my life that I realized that Edward Cullen only has sex twice and swears off it both times like a truly dorky virgin.

First sex: "Bella I nutted so hard that you passed out and then God robbed us for committing this extremely gross nasty sin. Never again."

Second sex: "Bella I nutted so hard that somehow you're four months pregnant with a life-draining parasite. Don't worry though, Carlisle will get that THING out of you. Sex/ Never again."