My Limits

Some things are off limits to me when it comes to social media postings and engagements.

I don't discuss other people's marriages. It's none of my business. As long as they're consenting adults, I keep my opinion to myself and wish them well. I won't like my marriage to be the subject of a negative social media discussion.

So I won't do it to others. In my Yoruba culture, there's a saying that there are 3 things you should never tell anyone not to do: never tell someone not to marry a certain individual.

If he goes ahead and after some years, you send the offspring of that relationship on an errand, you'll hear the story of your life.

Never tell an individual not to build a house. The day it rains heavily and you run there for shelter, you'll be treated to tales you'll not be happy to hear.

Never tell an individual not to start a certain venture. The day you need a loan, the individual will start with how the loan would not have been possible if he had listened to you.

I don't discuss pastors or religious leaders. I know it's the fad right now to want to make them our punching bag for all manner of atrocities. But they're off limits for me.

I'd rather pray for them as I'm aware of my own mortality and scriptural injunctions for anyone who thinks he's standing to take heed lest he falls. So I'm more concerned about me than talk about others. I know the best of man is still man.

They are men before they become men of God. Do I agree with everything they do? No. Do I agree with everything my father does? No. But I won't come to social media to register my disagreement with my him. I won't put him down publicly. Just to show that I was raised responsibly.

I don't discuss tribe. I believe in the goodness of humanity. Your tribe doesn't determine if you're good or bad. No one had control over their geography so why should I base my judgment on what you had no control over?

There are good people and bad people everywhere. Some of the most wonderful people I've met are not even from my tribe.

This is the third organization where I'm working with my Line Manager. When we worked together in the first organization and she left, she called me to join her in the second. And when she joined the third, she called me and hired me again.

Each move came with a promotion. She's Igbo. I'm Yoruba. She could have called a Chukwudi or Emeka but she called Bayo.

In 1999 when I served in Port Harcourt, I was initially sent to an oil and gas firm for my primary assignment. I was excited. I got to the Head of HR to submit my letter. I was glad because he was Yoruba. His Yorubaness was all over him in thick tribal marks. The Ogbomoso design.

I prostrated as a mark of our culture. He didn't even look at me. I greeted him in deep Yoruba language. He barely answered me in English. He told me he didn't need a corper. I pleaded for him to accept me and that I didn't even need the salary. I just wanted to work.

He called someone to reject me and he ejected me from his office. He's Yoruba just like me. So tribe is off-limits for me. Everyone was created in the image and likeness of God. God is the creator of nationalities so why shouldn't I be comfortable with that?

I don't insult elders. Even if I disagree, I do so most respectfully. Before I engage someone I'm not familiar with, I check their profile first. I don't just type emotionally.

If I see I'm unable to engage constructively, I take a walk. I value the relationship more than the argument.

I don't understand everything. So I don't have an opinion about everything. That is why I don't write about everything.

© Bayo Adeyinka

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