The first time my abuser showed his true colours was months into the relationship.

It was the night I introduced him to my friends. I was so excited for them to meet this gorgeous, charming man I was falling for

During the evening he got on so well with everyone

Life and soul

He then started getting louder & more obnoxious. People started staring.

I quietly whispered to him that I think we should go home

He went berserk
Yelling at me. Screaming.
Called me controlling.
A wh**re, a c**t.
I left the party
Crying
In shock
Totally confused

My friends followed me out.
Several of the men grabbed his arm and cajoled him outside too.

We all walked home
I was shaking
Crying
No one said a word
They were embarrassed
They left me alone with him at my house

He went into my house, lay down and went to sleep
I couldn't sleep all night
Scared
Confused

Next morning he woke up all loving
I asked him why he had said all those things to me

He denied it
Said I must have been drinking too much
I had been sober
But he made me doubt myself

Later that day we went round to friends house for lunch

They greeted my partner as if he was a long lost brother
No one mentioned the incident
No one asked if I was ok
No one challenged him

Instead they made arrangements to see him again for a "boys night out"

That evening my partner told me I'd totally over exaggerated what had happened

Because if he had behaved as badly as I claimed, then surely my friends would have said something.

Their silence
Their embarrassment
Their "not wanting to get involved"

Was his signal to carry on

The relationship deteriorated gradually over the next few months.

I lost weight
I became timid and nervous
I didn't speak
He controlled my weight, what I ate, what I said and did

Everyone congratulated me on being so slim

I was literally dying in front of their eyes

He would do things like force me to leave his house in the middle of the night and drive home alone when it was pouring with rain or thick fog.

It would be so foggy that I would sleep in the car on the side of the road until it was safe for me to get home

Once I got my coil stuck and ended up in such agony that I couldn't walk
I begged him to take me to A&E.

He went to the beach instead because it was a nice day.
I didn't see him for a week

It escalated until he strangled me in my lounge one night.
He then threatened suicide if I didn't let him back in the house

At no point did anyone ask if I was ok
At no point did anyone challenge him
At no point did anyone tell me what I was dealing with & how to get support

Fortunately he finally left

Met someone else & lost interest in me.

To this day, friends who witnessed what he did to me have never spoken up.

The silence ten years later is still deafening

That is why I will never be silent
I will always call it out

Abusers rely on silence

Despite this theead, I've blocked 100's & am still blocking more who thought my story about my date was me just making a fuss

When people seem disgusted at my friends for saying nothing, I see many people who would do that to their friends

Undermine
Dismiss
Make excuses