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I don’t think people realize the privilege of being in a social situation & having people react to how you’re actually feeling, what you’re thinking, and what you’re trying to say, as opposed to a perception of it that has nothing to do with your actual intent.
There is a neurotypical way of expressing feelings & communication, & if you aren’t neurotypical, you will be misperceived.
The disconnect between how you actually feel & how people perceive you can be so great that ND people can end up confused about how they actually feel.
The disconnect between how you actually feel & how people perceive you can be so great that ND people can end up confused about how they actually feel.
If your anxiety or sensory overwhelm are perceived as anger, shyness, meanness, standoffishness, you can start to think you’re angry, standoffish, etc.
I don’t think some folx realize the hollowness of becoming the mask others have put on you.
I don’t think some folx realize the hollowness of becoming the mask others have put on you.
The freedom & joy that comes with finally finding others who actually see you for who you are—who react to your actual feelings, & not the mask—are amazing
I was nearly 40 before I found a human who saw me for who I actually am & began to identify my own feelings & find myself
I was nearly 40 before I found a human who saw me for who I actually am & began to identify my own feelings & find myself
It’s all well & good to think that good people are perceived as good & bad people perceived as bad. But this is absolutely not the case. It’s not even true that eventually people will be able to see others for who they really are.
Neurodivergent behavior is consistently perceived as bad & hurtful when it is not. In fact, a lot of the standards for what behavior is bad, scary & hurtful have been set by ableism, racism & xenophobia. These standards are so ingrained that people will actually FEEL HURT.
People have actual feelings of fear & hurt when they perceive someone acting outside of the norms set by white supremacy & ableism. And since NT ppl have never had to deal with the fact that their feelings don’t define social reality, they don’t question that.
And the rest of us? We internalize it as well. We believe we are hurtful when we are not causing objective harm. We blame ourselves for our own reactions to the micro & macro-aggressions society throws at us.
[abuse, self-harm] This cumulative trauma & denial of ourselves can even lead to behavior that is genuinely abusive, and/or to self-harm.
This shit is complicated & so hard to sort out. But it’s sad.
This shit is complicated & so hard to sort out. But it’s sad.
Once someone has internalized this bigotry & trauma so much that they do shit that is genuinely harmful, it creates a spiral that is very difficult to escape. I’ve been there. You can escape it but it takes a lot of work & people do everything they can to make it harder.
Meanwhile, the people who voluntarily do harmful things & feel no guilt about it? They very rarely face social censure, because they know how to control others’ perceptions of them. They don’t suffer the hell of remorse & guilt for their actions.
There is no justice on this earth except that which we give ourselves. And I mean “ourselves” as us, personally. Each individual creates their own justice, their own system of reward & censure.
This is why it’s so important to understand others’ perception of us isn’t reality.
This is why it’s so important to understand others’ perception of us isn’t reality.
It is so important to understand that, just because someone else views us as bad, and perceives our actions in a certain way, it doesn’t mean they’re right.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to others when they say we’re hurting them.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen to others when they say we’re hurting them.
It just means that, in the end, only we know who we really are, what our intent is, and what we’re capable of. The less we let this bigoted society have a say in that, the better. People really are not good at judging others’ true intent or judging true harm.
As I always say, compassion always has to be the key. Compassion for ourselves & others.
But compassion isn’t rewarded in this society. Compassion doesn’t get you ahead. In fact it will hurt you socially & monetarily.
But compassion isn’t rewarded in this society. Compassion doesn’t get you ahead. In fact it will hurt you socially & monetarily.
So many relationships are built on a foundation of making fun of other people. A foundation of hating the same people.
I noticed this at a very young age and internalized it in a bad way. People make social connections by laughing at others.
I noticed this at a very young age and internalized it in a bad way. People make social connections by laughing at others.
This shouldn’t be the social model that we use to judge a person’s worth.
