Hopefully FPL comes to siege NA and gives me another chance at doing anything with siege, ranked hurts me on a mental level and i can't bring myself to play it, and comp teams looking for a person like me doesn't exist.

i just want another shot at taking siege seriously before i move into valorant instead as thats the only other comp fps i play and feels fun.

In all reality i know i can play at a high level just everything makes it so i can't, not in the physical sense or a cheap excuse. Something about me bars me from playing at a high level and i don't know what it is, i know what to do and i work towards doing it, it doesn't show.

knowing i want to play at that level is the only thing i have, everything else is broken or i have no proof of being able to do it, and the thing here is that people will hate me no matter what i choose or what i do. i don't want to give up but i am being forced to by myself.

and all i want is for FPL to give me a chance at it in general, i never did have that chance and in a while when it does come to NA i want that chance again and i don't know if that will ever happen or be the push i need.

i know nobody will read this and i will delete this thread after around 2 days or so but i just wanted to say it