I asked my mom if she still believed in all the Trump stuff and if she was voting for him again. She wouldn’t answer me.

She’s always voted for predators. My dad, who beat her my baby brother and me and sexually abused me. And then the second predator, I ran from his terror at 13 to the streets.

“Come on over and rub your father’s back.”

Drunk

Shirtless

How it often began.

6. I was 6 or so.

Anyone who cannot restrain themselves from repeatedly harming, degrading, and diminishing you is a noxious weed who must be pulled from the garden that is your life, if your garden is to truly thrive.

My father was basically a pornographer, my mother had an affair with him as a married man, her professor in art school. Our house was filled with cocaine and naked women. It’s like the boomers who lived that bad sex acid trip are all trying to bathe their shame in maga

The point of it, I think, is that my sick mom and stepfather-abuser defend “moral values” they do not possess, through assuming the full-on white supremacist Trump identity. It’s their exit pass from shame and accountability.

I don’t need the answer anymore. The values she and her white supremacist husband share are hollow. They dressed a child in black face at parties before I ran away. N-word, jungle bunnies, The Jews, family vocabulary. The beatings. His hand on my small breasts.

Is my mom an addict now? To Trump? Or is it more of a cult? I think she’s an abuse victim who likes to blame her daughter still, for child sexual abuse her husbands committed, and never got help. I’m not speaking to her again for a long time. Feels good to not make space for pain