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Education on LGBTQ+ rights, identities and experiences isn& #39;t just a matter of individual labour, it is a constitutional and social responsibility. A brief (and ultimately anecdotal) thread.
#lasizwe https://twitter.com/MiloNelakho/status/1297809339986706438">https://twitter.com/MiloNelak...
#lasizwe https://twitter.com/MiloNelakho/status/1297809339986706438">https://twitter.com/MiloNelak...
I& #39;ve only ever come out to three family members. Well, I came out to one voluntarily. I was well into the Gordons but this was the cousin I trusted above all others. Perfectly accepting of "fam I& #39;m bi" but three days later said being trans was thinking god made a mistake so...
A few months later I almost got outed at a family lunch by another cousin who "had always suspected." Again, not entirely sober, but ignored it until we were alone. I didn& #39;t have the language to explain how endangered I felt at a table of 8+ casually homophobic people...
...but it was all "mntase I just want you to live your truth!" not realising that "my truth" puts me in the firing line of people who I was still dependant on for both my financial and personal safety. But coming out to this cousin meant coming out to her entire social circle...
...which meant not being able to control my safety around strangers who came to the house. Her having an out gay bestie meant very little - gatherings were still soaked in homophobic language said "in jest", hypersexualising someone who was ten years younger than everyone else...
...not to mention that when many indigenous African traditions are recklessly blended with very conservative Christian ideology, some strict gender roles are created which (despite my cousin thinking it was an accepting household) created direct tension...
...between my identity, my self-perception and my autonomy with the rigid expectations of people who still viewed queerness as a deviant, semi-scandalous quirk that was best either ignored or outright mocked.
The third time this conversation came up, I was in the midst of unpacking the trauma around my mental health to another woman in the family, after I& #39;d admitted to be struggling with depression and anxiety. Out of nowhere: "Is this because you& #39;re gay or bisexual or whatever?"
My biggest regret is that I was sober for this one. Even water with a slice of pineapple would have helped ngoba heyi...
It was a conversation rife with gender essentialism, dismission of trauma, homophobia, bi-erasure, infantilising me through comparisons with straight performances of masculinity and just a wheelbarrow of other bs. Cool cool. It sucked.
Long story short, this conversation ended with one of the most damning questions I& #39;ve ever been asked: "Your dad is always going on about wanting grandchildren. Would you be happy letting him die without ever knowing any of this about you?"
I& #39;m gonna keep my answer to myself, but fuck that question as a staff, record label and as a motherfucking crew.
Mind... these would have been the three most "accepting" members of my family. Young liberal Black women who generally (but vaguely) agreed that queerness wasn& #39;t a sin worthy of murder. The bar is low but they managed to army crawl over it.
The men must speak for themselves, but I& #39;ve had to hold enough poker faces at the Sunday braai to know what they& #39;d say, what they& #39;d do and why they think they& #39;d be justified in doing it.
So when Lasizwe says children should be educated on LGBTQ+ experiences, straight people need to remove the sexual connotations around queer narratives. Our lives aren& #39;t a perpetual game of Grindr (mostly). They& #39;re wide-ranging, intersectional, and engrained in functional society.
But our safety is a public concern, and should not be down to ethical individual choices, because the things that endanger us aren& #39;t individual, they& #39;re systemic, with ripple effects that require collaboration and allies acting in good faith to help mitigate.
Also... "Just because I don& #39;t agree with homosexuality doesn& #39;t mean I& #39;m homophobic." Grootman, that& #39;s exactly what it means. People& #39;s identities are not a matter for debate, and disagreeing with them is not expressing an opinion, it is demonising someone& #39;s humanity.
"I love them even if I don& #39;t agree with them" is a moral judgement too. You set yourself up as a tolerant party, but in doing so make someone& #39;s identity subject to your comfort which, as we see daily, is swiftly avenged if challenged. Tolerance is conditional. It has a threshold.
It& #39;s simple: educate yourself if you can& #39;t yet educate others. Stand for the safety of LGBTQ+ people unconditionally. You don& #39;t have to be the keynote speaker, but you can elevate, support and protect the voices doing the work.
There are things that can be criticised within any community, but the right to dignity, safety, visibility and care are not up for discussion here.
Okay I know I said this thread would be brief... I lied.
